funniest story EVER.

my friend told me this over myspace..
talking abt embarrasing moments..
he wrote,...


This one is going to sound pretty unbelievable, but it goes down as not only my most embarrassing life moment, but also as the most epic sex story ever.

I had just turned 18, and I was over at my girlfriend's house to get my "present" so-to-speak. Her parents were home, but it didn't matter since we could usually find a secluded spot somewhere to get down to business. So we finally settled in the basement and got things going. It was so great at first. It's like my g/f was born for the sole purpose of awesome sex. So when I had her against the wall and she told me she had something special in store for me that day, I didn't think nothing about it. Clearly it was going to be one of her typical awesome sex tricks, right? Talk about a hard lesson to learn . . .

Soon afterwards, I'm ready to bust a nut. I let her know, ask her if she's ready. She tells me to hold on, then ask me if I'm ready for the surprise. I nodded my head and then it happened . . . The most excruciating pain I'd ever felt in my life. My girlfriend just rammed her entire thumb up my **** No lube. No preparation. Just SCHWOOP! Right up in there. What I didn't know at that time, is that her thumbnail had actually ripped open the lining inside my colon . . . Yeah. In any case, I let out a huge gasp of air and made sounds that can only be described as a yelping dog while tears streamed down my face. It felt like someone lit a match inside my intestines and put it out by punching me in the gut.

Needless to say, my g/f could see I was in some serious pain. At this point, she tried to remove her thumb from my ass. The only problem is, my sphincter is clinching it so tight, she can't remove it. I'm clearly in my own world of pain, so I don't even notice this going on. It was then that she tried to yank it out at a different angle which resulted in her thumb breaking. That's right. I broke my girlfriend's thumb with my **** The realization kicks in after I catch my breath, I notice she's now slumped over on the floor, crying, with her finger still lodged up my backdoor. I relinquish her thumb in what was probably the most disgusting plop ever heard, followed by the thud of her arm hitting the ground.

I forget about myself for the time being and ask her what happened. She tells me that she thought her thumb got dislocated. Something was clearly wrong with it by the strange angle it was pointed in. I knew what we had to do . . . We had to tell her parents and have her checked out at the hospital. Needless to say, they couldn't find out how this travesty had happened. Unfortunately for us, the evidence was all over her thumb . . . in the form of fecal matter. Yeah . . . So we make our way to the sink in the bathroom and we're, well . . . trying to clean her broken thumb so that it doesn't smell like **** and her parents don't expect us of any wrong doings. So that's what we did. She cried, she moaned, but we finally got it cleaned off.

So we formed the story we were going to tell her parents and headed up. A broken thumb isn't too unusual, right? Blame it on tripping on the stairs or some other thing when you'd have to reach out and catch your hand at a wrong angle. We fill them in on what happens and they say they'll take care of it. Then her father notices something. He says, "Son, are you alright?". "Sir?" I reply. "It looks like you're bleeding." he said, pointing towards my pants. I turned around and then it hit me: In the midst of trying to take care of my girlfriend, I'd completely forgotten about my own injury. I had thrown on my pants when I took her over to the sink, and now my ass was completely covered in blood for both her parents to see.

I really didn't have an excuse for that one. I just turned my head and made my way out the door, to my car, and headed towards my local physician to check out the wound. I never called the girl again. I never spoke to her parents or did any sort of follow up investigation. I was simply too embarrassed with the entire incident to ever associate with them ever again. It was absolutely terrible. I can talk about it now because in hindsight, it's a hilarious **** story and makes for one helluva convo at frat parties. Still, nothing else has rivaled that initial sense of shame that I was overcome with when her parents saw me. For my sake, I hope nothing ever surpasses it.