Lately I've been having the most weird dreams I ever had. To start it up, I know I am not alone who ca do this, but alot of people say they can't. I'm talking about controlling your dreams. You know, control yourself, do what you want, think what you;re going to do and then do it or choose not to do it. Alot of people told me they can't control themselves within dreams, and some say they can and I'm part of those who can which might add to my dream problems. Let me tell you about it.

For the past few weeks, my dreams have become more and more realistic to my mind. Feeling real, when I wake up I actually wonder if I am dreaming, or if I actually did it. When I wake up I do have a really hard time telling if all of this was a dream basicaly. Days after days it gets worst. Any of you heard about that illness very few people have (i forgot its name) that makes them unable to see the difference between a dream and reality? I'm slowly becoming that way..if you want. On with the major part related with the topic title.

Lately in my dreams I've been dodging death alot. Seeing MY car crash on the road and burst in flames..somehow I'm in another car right behind it..seeing people come to kill me..somehow I go blind and I wake up..basicaly when you see yourself die in a dream..you wake up..right? Well 2 nights ago was different..I actually died..and the dream kept on going further. I died and I could live death, experience death in my dream, how I was after death, living that suposed life after death. Might sound spooky in a way, but let me say I found it pretty sweet. Anyway my problem is..I did actually tell myself "that's it..I died..my girlfriend recently dreamed I died out of cancer and she was dreaming right..I just died..I finally crossed to the other side" and I kept going on being dead, living my death to the fullest. When I woke up, as strange as it is I didn't know what was happening, where I was, what was I doing here, why was I alive when I just died. After what seemed such a long period of time..I finally realised I was only dreaming..that I had just woke up. My girlfriend was sleeping next to me and only thing I could do is hold her tight and I actually had tears coming down my cheeks telling myself I didn't lose her.

Anyway, it doesn't happen only with dreams about death or near death experiences..it happens with every dreams I have..I never know wether or not they are real or just dreams before a good lenght of time. I see stuff that we usually don't see in real life, yet they feel so real..they seem so real..I can truely breath in them..turely feel the things I touch..truely think..truely live and do the same as I can do in my everyday life. I know this might be a really bad thing, but nothing yet as been REALLY wrong with me while I am awake. I just needed to get these thoughts out of my head and put em somewhere. This is where I decided to post them. It just totally freaks me out. the only way I truly can tell whether or not they were dreams is because dreams usually are much shorter than an actual day in my life..but everything just gets along together starting from the day I had to the dream making it seem like tomorrow's actual day and stuff..it's just..scary.

So I have come to two conclusions on this..either I'm going crazy..or I have an over developed sub conscious making my dreams seem more than just a dream. Or perhaps I simply have too much imagination? I'll probably never know. Even if i get declared as crazy, I'll be crazy, a crazy person doesn't realise they are crazy which then I wouldn't believe a word of it. Thinking I'll never figure out probably is what freaks me out the most.

Conclusion: Either my dreams truely are changing to be more realistic, or I'm thinking too much. Man, I could write a novel! I am totally unable to analyze my dreams anymore, they are too real and **** up.