ZUKO
Aah, an afternoon alone to meditate
No tea-loving uncle to bother me.
How could it get any better than this?

IROH
Oh, hello nephew!

ZUKO
Hi uncle.

IROH
Zuko, you'll never
Guess what happened to
Me at the tea shop this morning.
I talked to a customer
He smiled at me
During the entire conversation.

ZUKO
That's very interesting.

IROH
He was being very friendly;
And I think he was flirting with me.
I think he might have thought I was gay!

ZUKO
Ahem, so, uh, why are you telling me this?
Why should I care?
I don't care.
What did you have for lunch today?

IROH
You don't have to get
So defensive about it, Zuko...

ZUKO
I'm NOT getting defensive!
What do I care about some gay guy you met, okay?
I'm trying to meditate.

IROH
Oh, I didn't mean to imply anything it, nephew
I just think it's something we should be able to talk about.

ZUKO
I don't want to talk about it,
uncle! This conversation is over!!!

IIROH
Yes, but...

ZUKO
OVER!!!

IROH
Well, okay, but just so you know —
IF YOU WERE GAY
THAT'D BE OKAY.
I MEAN 'CAUSE, HEY,
I'D LIKE YOU ANYWAY.
BECAUSE YOU SEE,
IF IT WERE ME,
I WOULD FEEL FREE
TO SAY THAT I WAS GAY
(BUT I'M NOT GAY.)

ZUKO
Uncle, please!
I am trying to mediate...
What?!
WHY DO YOU KEEP STARING??

IROH
IF YOU WERE QUEER

ZUKO
Ah, uncle!

IROH
I'D STILL BE HERE,

ZUKO
Uncle, again, I'm trying to MEDITATE.

IROH
YEAR AFTER YEAR

ZUKO
Uncle!

IROH
BECAUSE YOU'RE DEAR
TO ME,

ZUKO
Argh!

IROH
AND I KNOW THAT YOU

ZUKO
What?

IROH
WOULD ACCEPT ME TOO,

ZUKO
I would?

IROH
IF I TOLD YOU TODAY,
"HEY! GUESS WHAT,
I'M GAY!"
(BUT I'M NOT GAY.)
I'M HAPPY
JUST BEING WITH YOU.
SO WHAT SHOULD IT
MATTER TO ME
WHAT YOU DO IN BED
WITH GUYS?

ZUKO
Uncle, that's GROSS!

IROH
No it's not!
IF YOU WERE GAY
I'D SHOUT HOORAY!

ZUKO
I am not listening!

IROH
AND HERE I'D STAY,

ZUKO
I’m not listening!
In Ba Sing Se
The girls are so pretty!

IROH
BUT I WOULDN'T GET
IN YOUR WAY.

ZUKO
Aaaah!

IROH
YOU CAN COUNT ON ME
TO ALWAYS BE
BESIDE YOU EVERY DAY,
TO TELL YOU IT'S OKAY,
YOU WERE JUST BORN
THAT WAY,
YOU'RE GAY!

ZUKO
BUT I'M NOT GAY!

IROH
If you were gay nephew.

ZUKO
Argh!