Well, lately has been alright..my speech is moving closer by the minute. Ive been trying to make something that I have in my mind in photoshop...and I have been frustrated, it all looks like crap. I know I can do better. The speech is bugging me though. It is getting close, and I just have a feeling I will totally screw up. Argh. I feel like a wreck...My head hurts, my eyes are burning and hurt, im just tired. I wish I had something or someone to look forward to at the moment. Ill just be patient, and do my best. I hope it all works out. In other news, I made the front page of PODA, with my news update. My parents got a new car, a chevy trailblazer.It rides pretty good. I like it. If you really havent noticed..I feel like crap, pretty much all the same reasons as in my first post. Hopefully it will end, and I will eventually be truly happy...

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Well, here are the artists on my iPod..for all none of you who are wondering. Alcia Keys, Beenie Man, Caesars, Coldplay, Craig Mack, DJ Jazzy Jeff & Fresh Prince, Earth, Wind, & Fire, Fall Out Boy, Will Smith, Game ,50 Cent, Grandmaster Flash, Ice Cube, Snoop Dogg, Jamiroquai, Jay-Z, Jermaine Dupri, Kanye West, LL Cool J, Mario, Michael Jackson, New Edition, Nickelback, Prince and the Revolution, R. Kelly, Ray Charles, Sean Paul, Slick Rick, Weezer, Whodini, and Yellowcard. Some of my favorite songs are Virtual Insanity-Jamiroquai, Ocean Avenue-Yellowcard, Candy-Will Smith, Welcome to Atlanta- Jermaine Dupri, Speed of Sound, Clocks, The Scientist-Coldplay, Escape (I need a break)-Whodini, Photograph-Nickelback, If It Isn't Love, Can You Stand The Rain-New Edition, and Sugar We're Goin' Down-Fall Out Boy. Well, I also got a new avatar, sig, and made a new peice today, check the peice out here. This one is starting to grow on me..Hope you like. Goodnight.

For all you people who read this. I have a 10 minute speech on stem cell research in under 3 weeks coming up. I might be starting to become a bit stressed, and well, if i seem a bit irritable...this is probably why, and other stuff. I am hoping I will do well. I chose this topic willingly, its a hard one, and I hope to do well. Wish me luck. Also, if you dont see me around as much..this is probably why. Good luck, and goodnight everyone.

Now the pressure from the parents comes. This is when I become frustrated, and I already am. My mom keeps giving me a lacture on what i should do. "You should do this..you should do that..do you get what im saying?..." Egh...I just hate hearing stuff like that. I feel like I have just been pushed around br everyone for maybe too long..ive been thinking a long time about just telling my parents to just leave me alone for a minute or something. For some reason...I can't even do that. I think I realize why I am dissappointed with everything I do, say, and have low self esteem also..I mean, everything I do for my parents is good, but I can always do better. Also, I was telling my mom about a drawing i made and she said "because it sucked..haha, just kidding" She has done that so much to me with lots of things..and so have my dad, when I know they are joking around, but I think from hearing it so much, I forget about the joking around..and it stays with me..making me sad, and angry. I have always been put down, but jokingly. I dont think my mind takes them as jokes anymore...*shakes head*. I am also starting to stress about my 9th grade project coming up...I have to do a 10 minute speech, on a topic...Its in less than 3 weeks...I am still trying to stay focused on my art, and art class, those are the most valuabe and important things to me right now. Im just hoping that everything will be ok for everyone.  I feel like a jerk for telling the truth to a friend...I feel like a jerk, for not helping people out...I just am an idiot..and I dont know what to do.

My little "peice" on deviantArt is doing alright. I got my first favorite on it! YAY! Btw, now i have four of them, 11 comments, and over 50 views! Im glad that some people like it! I also think I may see if i can join the art club at school. This is cool, i hope to get more comments on my peice and join the art club. But for now, im going to go, I have a bit of a headache, but its probably around that time..I havent had one in a while..im due for one..probably more to come. Goodbye.

Well, I am a 14 year old, I personally think i am a confusing, but deep individual. I like to try to be creative, and I love making art, and listening to music. Speaking of music, some bands and artists i like are: coldplay, yellowcard, nickelback, will smith, ray charles, kanye west, and whodini, off the top of my head. Some of my favorite songs are, Clocks by coldplay, Hero by nickelback, escape by whodini, ocean avenue by yellowcard, virtual insanity by jamiroquai, spaceship by kanye west, what id say by ray charles, and switch by will smith. Like i was saying earlier, I really like art. I dont have a favorite artist yet though, i havent looked around that much yet, but it getting to it. My favorite styles are abstract, vector, and photomanips. Im a very approachable individual. I like to help out anywhere, if you need problems, you can ask me. Also, obviously i like to play video games, some of my favorites are: metal gear solid 1, sonic the hedgehog 2 , Gran turismo(all), socom 2, half-life 1, nfl blitz, crash bandicoot, and twisted metal to name a few. I think thats enough for now. As you can see im into all sorts of things, you probably wouldnt imagine me to be like this either, but anyway I think I am just a person just trying to find my place. For all 0 of you who read this, this will tell you some stuff about me. Thank You, and have a good day.

Well, no update on last post, but in the meantime I have made this "peice" I guess you can call it, and please go take a look for me, go look here: http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/24687386/

By the way, Thank You to everyone who posted in my last blog entry, i appreciate it....until next time...

    I do not understand this world around me. I am lost. I cant figure out where i got lost along this path called,"life." I feel that i do not know where i am going, and i serve no purpose. I wish I could totally understand things going on around me. I do not know who i am..let alone people around me.

    I cant seem to to find a definition of "me." I want to be "me", but i just dont seem to know how. There are so many sides of me. Sometimes i can be nice, caring, and giving, and other times i can be mean, and angry. I do not know who i am. I am longing for a feeling of self accomplishment or just even feeling good about myself. Right now, I think very lowly of myself.I think I am a loser, and a mean person...when i know im not. i do not know how to even begin feeling better or helping myself...

    I also cannot trust any of my family members at this point..none of them know whats going inside of my head, and what i am feeling-confusion, anger, love, sadness, pity...I dont know if i can truly trust anyone at this point..

    I have been getting asked at school by people lately if I am ok..I keep telling them I am. I dont know why i dont just tell them "no." But everyone i know at school are so annoying..it seems i cant understand guys and girls my age...they all seem so ignorant and non respectful. I really dont know where i fit in..I have lots of "friends" at school, but im just not really "me" at school. If i really acted on what i was thinking...i would be so quiet and just walk arouund campus during luch and break. I sometimes want to actually...But, away from school, i have a couple of friends who i like to talk to in all, but sometimes they are feeling down a lot, and i really want to help, when i just cannot. It makes me sad to see other people suffering...I never really seemed to even think much about myself, I dont like seeing people down, I like to help them. Now it seems sort of reverse, but the help seems to sink in at the moment..but doesnt really help overall..

    I feel like I am such a jerk at times...for no reason, Like, a few days ago, I bought something for a girl at school, at snack time, and she was happy and all, but i still feel like a jerk..like I didnt do something right, like i could have done it better or something...I am truly and completely lost about myself, and i dont understand anyone around me..thats why i stay in my room a lot...I hardly go outside anymore. Im still a really active kid, but it seems there is nothing for me out there right now..it seems it is all on my computer...

    I also used to always feel pressured by my parents to do well. I think from that I have set my expectations for everything very high..and it is not helping me. I have a "B-" in a class, and i feel like crap for it, and my parents are ok with it. I am putting stress on myself to help people, get good grades, succeed, and be "me", but the pressure is starting to get to me...

    I am truly lost. I want to help everyone around me, but i just cant, and it ends up dissappointing me. I want to be myself, but i dont know how, and I am scared of myself. I feel like I am a loser all the time. I am becoming isolated from my parents more and more each day. I feel i have given a lot..and maybe i can get something in return..just once is all i ask.. I just want to be "me."