Hello again, there are many things in life that I am good at(or am trying very hard to get good at). I breakdance, write poems and consider myself as one of the fastest runners my age (15). One thing thaat I've been putting a lot of work on recently is my stories. Yes, I write! But for some weird and unfortunate reason, I never get to finish them. Here's just one such story which I haven't finished. I think it's a good one so please be honest about your comments. Constructive criticism will be greatly appreciated. And please suggest a name too for the story, I believe that the current name is not catchy enough! Ladies and Gentlemen : The ShadowBreather...
Scroll 1 Deep in the woods of Gregorea, lived a simple family. A family with no dreams…with no mission to obtain and with no sea to cross…a family that knew not what awaited them in the years to come. A family that was unaware that one of them would soon be crowned….The Shadowbreather… It was a time when people lived in fear…because they did not know what lurked behind the shadows…it was the reign of the great King Faswer. Indeed, he was the greatest of all kings. Humble, just, holy and powerful. He was the one who controlled the ancient land of Newlantis. It was a time when people lived in fear because…there was a creature…a creature which knew not the meaning of love, joy, or sadness….a creature which was a demented prisoner of its own hatred. Some people said that it was created by a mad sorcerer…others say that it flew out from the heart of the moon. There were so many tales on the origin of this wild creature and of course, there was a certain name by which it was called. AL-Hulf- Metrahrir. According to the ancient texts made by the Newlantian monks, these three words meant The-Soul-Eater…. Every year the creature would rampage into the land of Newlantis and consume the souls of thousands of people. Men, Women, Children….Monks, Warriors, Peasents…no one could escape the evil hands of this creature. But there was one thing that everyone knew…the great monk Hergo had told that one day a hero would emerge, and that he would be the saviour of Newlantis. So everyone waited for the arrival of that hero...hoping, praying that one day this creature would perish and this age of darkness would no longer prevail… Scroll 2 Fehlin carried the cold wood in his carriage. He got inside and lashed the horse. The whimpering horse, which looked like it was eating up the last hours of its death, moved forward. The carriage moved at a snail's pace, and whenever the horse stopped, Fehlin would give it one more beating with his lash. A few hours later, the carriage reached its stop. Fehlin got out, and walked towards the small hut which stood before him. He reached for the door and gave it a knock. He didn't have to wait long. Soon the door was answered and a lady stood before him. "How many today", she asked in her cold shaky voice. "Not much", came the reply. Fehlin carried the wood from inside and loaded it into his tiny little shed. He got inside and sat on the floor, as they had no bed. "We have no rice for today, the baby is crying. I think it has got the flu", said Marien, his wife. "What do you want me to do??", asked Fehlin, enraged at the fact that he had no way to help his poor family. "I cannot make rice or bread out of thin air!!" "Maybe, its time to go ask King Faswer for favour…I heard he is very kind" "No, I do not need anyone's help to raise my family" "Oh please, I beg of you. For the sake of our child, let go of your pride and ask the King for food. If not me and my poor son will die of hunger" The thought of having to see his dear wife and his baby boy dead, sent a chill down Fehlin's back. "Fine. Tomorrow morning, I will set out for Newlantis.." Marien was very happy to hear this and she hoped her husband would return with food for her family. The next day, as he promised Fehlin set out on his way to Newlantis. After five hours of hard travel, he reached King Faswer's palace. The palace was huge, and the sight of it made Fehlin's eyes water. The guard of the main entrance, a sturdy looking man with a mustache which made him look tough, asked Fehlin, "What do you want?" "I have come begging for alms, please if I don't get money, I and my family will starve to death." "Yes, you may go in" Fehlin entered the grand palace decorated with stones, jewels and other shiny metals which he didn't even know the name of. There, sitting in the mighty throne of Newlantis was the mighty King Faswer. "Yes, what do you want" "Your majesty, I have come asking for help" "Tell me what you need old peasent, and I shall try to help you" The story, as I mentioned before, is still under construction. The main them is of a huge beast who invades a city and how a child with unusual and mystical powers is born to destroy the beast. The journey he takes to meet his goal makes up for the content of the story. I have it all planned in my head but just need time to put it down as words!