OMG!!! Is star ocean 4 really going to be on the ps2? If so , thank the heavens...... At least now its safe to say i have something to play in the near future.I hope its good. I'm gonna go pick up dothack//gu vol.2 even though its my exam week til wednesday. lol. Dawn of mana and odinsphere better be good too cuz i wanna play them too.

         FF13 n FF versus 13 looks real great. Looks promising. How i wish i had a ps3.....

This has been one of the worst chinese new years ever. I really hate my mother ,because she told my aunties and uncles that i asked her to shut up a few times then they all decided to give me a "good" scolding.

It really has been one of the worst times of my life, Ihave not cried for a long long time. This is the first time i have cried myself to sleep. It really hurts, the feeling u feel , it is like the pain needles surging throughout your body. Words cannot define the pain. With every beat of my heart, i feel those needles piece through my every part of my already weaken body. I cry tears of invisible blood that hurts my weak heart even further. It really has been one of the worst.

I had no chance at all , me, a 16 year old teenager, "debating" against so many of them. I stood no chance at all. I was being torn bit by bit by those pack of wolves. I had no idea they were biting my flesh until it was too late. I felt really disappointed with my brother , he decided to join the wolves , out of fear or out of hatred i do not know. I felt so alone at that time. I stood no chance.....

Once again , this lonely soul sits in front of his computer on the night of valentines. Once again , he feels the same way he felt all those years before....

He watches and envies others , hes not jealous , hes merely happy for them. However, he wishes to be happy too. How many more nights of valentines does he have to endure?....

There isnt a day that goes by that i can be happy. Everyday i have to feel at least some sort of depression. I either have to be scolded or hated or something like that. Its gotten worst as i beame older...

When i was a kid, i dint have a care in the world ,except for homework and all that normal junk. Nowdays , i have so much on my mind. It really kills me..... and on top of that , people always have to treat me that way.. Its like people are bound to distance themselves from me or treat me in such a way.. I think its my own problem , the way i am... its not that i want to be this way.. People just dont understand. Not even my own mother... My friends stray further and further away from me , i dont think i have anyone left... I feel so hurt inside.... no one is supporting me at all.. I dont blame them , the way i am , rude , arrogant and forever depressed... It really hurts... I'm suffering from depression....

No one would ever understand anyway..... I just want to be happy... is that so much to ask....

Play games , watch tv , go to school , do my homework and go to sleep. Same thing everyday... I'm so bored. Wonder how much longer i can take it. School is getting tough. Homework is getting harder and its piling up.

Anyway, rough galaxy is coming out soon and i'm thinking of getting it. It seems like a fun game. Action RPG games have always been my kind.

Man..... The only thing i can really think about now in my screwed up life... i really dunno how much more i can take... The deeper i go the more problems there are waiting. Who knows how crap-ing deep my sea is gonna be. 

I've always had this feeling but the feeling has never been strong enough. I've felt it for a long time , but another feeling overcomes this one , this feeling is the feeling i want to grow , i want the other feeling to be gone.........to dissappear..... but if this feeling fails theres no point in the other feeling being gone. If it fails i would regret the departure of the other feeling. If it fails, a new feeling will be born... more like reborn. The feeling of pain and hurt will be present once again... The feeling will stay for a long time , and eat way my soul , bit by bit my soul will be consumed, for that is my subconscience wish. But all the same, a part of me still wishes, still hopes that it would turn out in my favor , but when i think things are in my favor , that favorism conceals the truth , the truth lies in corners which are unnoticeable. When noticed.... it is far too late , but nothing can be done.....

For it is fate......

My life is just completely crapped up. I completely cant stand it. Gamespot is a gaming website so i thought i'd only be blogging about gaming stuff, but who cares anyway... I dont have cash to buy a next gen console anyway so what the heck am i gonna do in gamespot.

Anyway, i just did a big exam last year ( PMR, Malaysian form 3 examination). I studied like bloody hard for that exam. I felt like i studied 25 hours a day or something. I did it because people kept on telling me how hard it was to get into science stream.I kept on hearing things like "only the best get in" and all that crap. I would be lying if i said i wasnt scared. So i studied hard and got good results. The results arent exactly what i would call good myself but i got into the bloody best class. I hate my class, it maybe the bloody " best class" but its filled up with nerds that are so into studying that they dont even have a life. I have to suffer to 2 years until i leave secondary school. Thats all the way until 2009.. holy crap. Its only been barely 3 or 4 weeks and i'm already stressed out.

My Parents are not helping at all. They think i'm so freaking free. In their eyes im just relaxing all day long. Their eyes see nothing at all. I cant depend on anyone. I have a few friends that are really nice and supportive but they are all in a different class and we dont have much time to talk or hang out.

To add on to all that , i guess its not just fate that caused this. I prayed hard to be in the best class. And i got my stupid wish. I'm such a fool. Wishing for such a darn stupid thing. I guess i deserve it. I guess if anyone that knows me in real life reads this, they would just laugh. They would just refer to it as problems of a 16 year old. I think thats just crap.I would probably be screw for the next part too.

My love life is like crap too, a few months ago i broke up with her. She doesnt care about me at all. Thats what i feel. I dont feel the connection anymore. Not like before....

The thing is... i'm unsure of my own feelings. I think i like her friend or something.... I'm unsure... I feel like i'm getting desperate. Desperate for love. I dont know... But fear over comes my desperation. I'm just some idiot mixed up with stupid emotions......

If I type the next lines it would just be the typical " my life sucks , i'm sad all that crap"...so lets skip that...

I hope and pray that something would please happen to correct my life....

If anybody that reads this knows me in real life please dont even talk to me about this. Dont even let me know that you have read this. Its better that way. At least spare my feelings. In truth i wouldnt mind people knowing about my life but i dont want to know that u know about it.

To people that dont know me in real life, please tell me what to do......

     Today, i went to my usual place to play basketball with my friends. We played for a while then suddenly this guy comes along. He starts shooting some hoops. Then Suddenly he asks if i wanna 1 on 1 him , so i said ok fine.

    That guy dint look very skillful , but crap was i wrong. He was bloody good. The bloody basketball was virtually just 'flying' around his hands. I couldnt block crap. He just kept on scoring until i lost. Then afterwards he taught me a few stuff like what was i doing wrong and stuff... Really Appreciate it. He's not such a bad guy afterall.

    After that he gave me his number and asked me to come play at his area. God... I wish i wasnt so bloody lousy at basketball. Actually i thought i was still on the ok side. Only when he trashed me and took me to the bloody dry cleaners did i wake up. Awful....

  Whatever.......... I just hope i can improve a bit on basketball. Sometimes playing ps2/pc is kinda boring. Gamers should try to exercise too. Like the Wii story thing , gamers were having some "pain" after playing the Wii. Just goes to show how unfit gamers are........ 

Just yesterday i went to a game shop , and the price of a ps3 made my jaw drop. OMG!! its so expensive.... there's no way i'm getting a ps3 anytime soon....

The ps3 better hurry up and have a price drop....

     Sometimes it just feels great to play a game other than final fantasy or whatever other games..Hack is a excellent game and i cant wait for vol.2.

    I had another boring day of doing nothing again. Since its the school holidays now i have completely nothing to do. All I have  been doing is eating, sleeping and playing ps2. Been like that for the past few days. I've also been watching some anime.

   Recently I've been watching a lot of anime like Tsubasa Chronicles, The law of ueki and all those stuff. All on Animax (a channel on tv). I feel like buying the whole series but i dont have enough cash. =.=

  Anyway, I dont know how long i'm still gonna play games. Since the ps2 is dying and i need cash to play a ps3. So, Whatever.....

  Sometimes my life just has no meaning at all. All i need is those special words from someone. But each time i tell her , she just says okay..

Whatever..... vol.2 of .hack better come out soon or I'm gonna be bored to death.

       PS2 is on its way to the graveyard? Yeah. This means either I stop playing games or i buy a Xbox360/PS3/Wii. Mostly i get the PS3.

       In truth, the only real reason i play games at all is for final fantasy. Final Fantasies are the only games worth playing( plus a few other more, mostly square-enix games ).

     I'm super bored now and have seriously nothing to do. Final Fantasy 12 is a bit of a disappointment but i guess its okay. I guess after ff12 there wont be anymore real games made for the ps2. Well, its not like i can do anything. Whatever~.........