Okay. So about a year ago, I was watching a DVD with my older sister (West World -wonderful film, by the way) in my room on my PlayStation3. First you should note: My PlayStation3 was a launch PS3, 60 GB harddrive that had been gutted out and replaced with a 500GB harddrive. All together, making it nearly a $800 dollar investment on my part. Anyway, let's move on.

So, I go to get us some root beers, then I hear my sister call my name. I come back and she said: "Um... your Playstation just shut off." "Did you sit on the blu-ray remote again?" "No, it's on your desk over there." 'The hell?" I went over to it. There was no activity on the screen, but there was a single yellow light lit up on the lip of the device near the disc holder.

I turned it off, thinkking it was just a fluke... and then turned it on again. It didn't work, and the yellow light was back. I started to get a little nervous, so I plug-pulled.

Same damn thing.

I looked it up a game forum I frequent, and discovered a term for describing a dead PS3 with a burnt out mother board called the yellow light of death.

The gamer inside me went into a coma at that moment, and the fan-girl within me started drifting away like that horribly written **** in the Twiligjt series. Belle, Bella? (not worth looking up on wikipedia... let's proceed) In the midst of this, my consumer self went into a panic.

Naturally, when my father came home (he was on a cruise with my mother in Alaska) I told him about what happened. First note, he is a retired cheif Raytheon engineer--yes, the company that deals in weapons, technology, aerospace etc... basically as close as you will get in real life to Stark Industries. (but sorry, Ironman doesn't exist you silly little fanboy) He looked up a few tutorials online and cracked it open very carefully. He then replaced some of the material (that was black and falling appart) with some sticky goo he purchased at radio shack and a self-made circuit store) and tried to replace them. But no matter what he did, the yellow light was always there.

So, after a four months or so of slaving with numerous housework jobs for my parents, I secured a new slim PS3. But after I hooked it up, etc... I discovered something that REALLY pissed me off!

No backwards compatibility. None. Zip. Completely devoid of all that made the PS3 initially wonderful. I hit my own head with the controller on purpose. Because my collection, is mostly PS2 and PSone games of the most legendary calibur; some of them incredibly RARE! I had a black rimmed Final Fantasy VII for god's sake that I lucked out with on an ebay bid! Seriously, now I couldn't play my favorite games, such as Final Fantasy X, XII, Kingdom Hearts, Devil May Cry, Jak and Daxter, etc. If I could, I would smash the device, but it wasn't worth it after slaving away for it for so long.

I send off some of them to my dearest friends, while selling the rest. I was fortunate that Final Fantasy VII & VIII and Resident Evil were available via PSN. But I was still very angry. I paid a fortune for these games, only to sell them off for an insignicant sum at Gamestop, and to play them again I had to pay ten bucks for each one? It made me sick.

Add now woop-dee-doo. PSN has finally launched PlayStation2 games for the PSN network. Which makes me think. Seriously? You didn't include backwards compatibility, but now you are selling us digital copies of these games for ten to twenty bucks a piece? SONY? I never thought I would say in 2006, having waited for your brilliance only to be broken apart four years later, put back together again by a tiny bit oof hope and only to be betrayed again-- but it's over! I am buying only the games I am presently tracking, and then I am leaving you and every game company I have ever been affiliated. Because rebuilding my childhood is NOT worth spending a thousand dollars to replace every piece of the puzzle you bestowed to me and took away in a flash thanks to poor manufacturing and the horrible hope in exploiting the consumer.

Tah-tah.

About three months ago, my PlayStation3 broke my heart, and almost made me contemplate on getting an X-BOX 360 Elite.

What happened was simply this… I was downloading content from the PS3 store (Kung Fu Panda trailer—please don't ask, I implore you) and it suddenly froze at 99% completion. Now me—being a stupid and naïve individual, didn't think anything of it- at first. It wasn't until a week later, that I decided to delete it once and for all (it was taking up bandwidth on my blue-tooth, it had to go) and that's when it happened.

My PlayStation3 froze. For a whole hour. Damn-it, even my controller didn't work… Then, I decided to just unplug it and try again.

That was probably the worst thing I could have ever done.

I went to bed, and left it off until the following afternoon, when I wanted to watch "Day After Tomorrow" on the DVD/Blu-Ray disc player. And that's when I noticed I had problems. My XMB menu wasn't showing up, on top of that—it sported the following message.

"You have experience error code 800******* (sorry, I was a little pissed to actuall read all of the numbers, mind you). Please refer to usDOTplaystationDOTcomSLASHps3 for assistance or reconfigure hard drive for factory settings."


I tried everything the website gave me, I tried calling in for a response (which even until today, NEVER came) and I was beginning to reel because I had about 36 games saved on that system… and only thirteen of them have ever been won. I was hours away from beating Kingdom Hearts on expert mode, had just taken up Kingdom Hearts II on "proud" mode, and was inches away from beating Final Fantasy X and Zone: of the Enders the 2nd Runner. Of course, I decided to wait a week with the system off.

But I wouldn't have that luxury.

My dad then invited his friends and business friends over for dinner (hey; living at home during college can slash the cost of living expenses—meaning more money for better things!) and wanted to show off that snazzy Blu-Ray player to his partner. I said it wasn't working. My dad, being the overconfident Raytheon Chief Engineer and Leading Architect, said:

"Let me take a look at it."

He didn't hesitate. He showed no mercy. Without even consulting me, when that stupid option popped up (I suppose wishing it would just go away after four days would have been just too good to be true) he wiped out my hard-drive completely.

And with that, my very childhood itself— was destroyed.

Besides the fifteen PS3 brand games saved on it, it also had a bountiful amount of PS2 games, (transferred from a memory card which I had foolishly forked over, along with my old PlayStation2 to a poor overly religious family (who had connections with my mom's friend) who believed that gifts should only be acquired out of the goodness of other people—damn it all~~!) as well as my treasured PSone games from almost a decade ago, where titles like Digimon Rumble Arena and Spiro 2 were practically dictators of my seventh grade parties with some of my dearest friends.

All of it destroyed within a second with a single touch of a button, and my dad's carefree smile.

Craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap.

So, my summer ends within nine days and so far, I've only managed to replay four PS3 games (although one doesn't count, seeing as Soul Calibur IV wasn't released until half a month ago) Final Fantasy X, Kingdom Hearts (I hate Destiny Islands!!! Damn you, Riku!) with Valkyrie Profile 2: Silmeria for my PS2 slots, and last but not least, Digimon World 2 and Final Fantasy VIII for PSone … (fumes)

Also, seeing as how I am taking 14 units of college (5 ****s total sigh) its gonna be Christmas until I can play again. Which prompts me to wonder why I am wasting my time writing this blog. (laughs)

…

Now the moral of this story, kids… is that Kung Fu Panda (particularly the trailer) is not- worth anything. Period. So don't download it. Ever! Because then your summer will be repetitive and boring, and no one wants that. No one.

But at least I got to E3. (shrugs)

CHAPTER 2 -"The Phone."*insert horror movie vintage sound effect of "woman screaming"*

While working in game retail, this is probably the 'worst' part of the entire job. Especially when the golden rule is "no more than three rings." While most people will tell you the phone is a lovely place to vamp your social skills and escape the hardships of your job, they're b*ll-sh*tting themselves. These are typical conversations I had while working the gaming department, and answering the white phone of doom.

.....

.....

DECEMBER 2007 through January 2008: Historical Facts: To obtain a Wii is pretty much impossible, Guitar Hero games are scarce, and Call of Duty 4 is pretty much a blockbuster in the gaming department and output wasn't as good as we had hoped.

BASIC ANSWERS:

"Hello, thank you for calling Circuit City, how can I help you? ... I'm sorry, we don't have Guitar Hero for the X-BOX 360. You can try Costco down in Goleta."

"Circuit City Game Department. ... No, sorry, we don't have the wii. Yes... bye."

"Circuit--... No, we don't have Call of Duty 4. We ran out yesterday. You can try Blockbuster down in the 5 Point Shopping Center."

"No, we don't have the wii... I'm sorry."

"Sorry, Activision has not yet released a second guitar controller for the wii."

"Circuit City Game department. Yeah, we have two copies left. Yeah, we'll hold it."

"No, we don't have the wii."

"Hello, Circuity Ci--No!! Jasoncan'tcome to phone right now. ... Why? For starters, this number is for business, and second, he broke up with you;get over it!!!

"Circuit City Santa Barbara. I'm sorry, all DS's in transit are currently on hold."

"Sorry, the wii is currently not in stock."

"No, we don't have the wii."

"No, we don't have the Nintendo wi-- didn't you just call a minute ago?"

.....

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DATE: December 22nd, 2007 (3 days till Christmas)

WORST PHONE CONVERSATION KNOWN TO MAN:

Okay, the story goes like this. It's pretty much last-minute holiday hours (for those who "aren't" stupid enough to wait till Christmas Eve) and with twelve parties in line at my department, I suddenly get a phone call. Its rings three- bloody- times. I pick it up and the conversation goes like this.

"Circuit City, Game Department, how can I help you?"

"Yes... I want to know if you have the computer software, something-something-photo-something-smart-something for the Mac."

"Uhm, mam? This is the entertainment department, but I can transfer you over to the computer section in just a min--"

"No!! I don't want to talk to them!! He put me on hold twice and hung up both times!!!"

"Look I can't check the computer because I don't have the proper catalogue tools at this desk. But if you are willing to wait a little bit, I could surely..."

"No!!!! I'm on the freeway and I need to know if you have it!"

(somewhere in line, someone yells out, "Hey, we're waiting here!")

"Mam, I am very, very sorry but I have twenty people in line here, and they probably have time strains just like you and--"

"No more butts, young miss!!! JUST FIND IT!"

At this point, I have decided that twenty physical costumers, compared one malcontent, was a better cause, and if she was going to talk to me like that (I'm a sales associate, not a "slave"), I decided f*ck her.I hung up and continued my work. Later, my boss came over and said, "Uhh (insert real name here), this woman called with a complaint about the game section. She said you wouldn't find something for her and were very rude about it." I civilly asked if we could discuss it later, and if he could assist her for the time being. He nodded and went to the software shelves. It wasn't a completeembarrassmentthough, because the third person in line said, "You handled that nicely. I could hear that hag screeching from here."

CASE 1: "The Nice and Friendly Costumer"

"Hi, I have two little kids who often fight in the car, and I was thinking of getting a portable gaming device or two so they can behave."
"Well certainly; how old are your kids?"
"They're five and seven."
"Well, then you might consider the Nintendo DS. Unlike its counterpart, the PSP—it has more children friendly games, like Mario Party and Zelda: The Phantom Hourglass."
"Now, what's the PSP?"
"The, PSP—PlayStation Portable is more a media system that a gaming counsel. You can save MP3s and even watch movies on it, providing you've purchased a memory card—but most of the games are generally developed for a more mature audience—also, the movies you can purchase are extremely limited, and you'd need software in order to upload your own movies."
"I see… So, the games you mentioned for the DS are kid approved? Are they the only ones?"
"Oh, no! Not at all; we have a whole selection just behind this wall."
"Oh my; thank you so much for your help."
"It was my pleasure, Mam."

REVIEW: The perfect costumer, who's eager to learn, wants to understand what her kids will play, yada, yada, yada. In other words, a product of the most responsible, polite and wonderful group of people EVER to walk the Earth.

CASE 2: - The Jack-@ss

"Hey you!"
"Hi there, do you need something sir?"
"I was wondering if there was anyone besides YOU who can help me get a PlayStation3."
"… … I beg your pardon?"
"Just bring someone over here, already, lady!"
"I can assure you, sir, I am very knowledgeable about tat particula subject and system, and if you're worried about time—"
"Just shut up and me bring me another associate d*mmit! And make sure he's quick, I got a schedule here!"

REVIEW: And here we have a sexist scumbag who doesn't even bother to hear anything out of my mouth. (I must confess, I wanted to jump over the check-out and slam my fist in the corner of his jaw—but money is much more important than my ego… (as pathetic as that is, it's true)

CASE 3: - The "one with "no" life whatsoever."

"Uhm… excuse me, why are you hiding under my desk?"
"I'm hiding from the Grelkin tribe of Teldressil! They're still after me and my legendary staff!"
"… … Yah-huh. Well… why don't you just hide somewhere else, I need this spot for my work?"
"Impossible, they've surrounding me! I got to heal my mana first, then I will go out in a legendary battle for the Alliance of Asaroth!"
"… …If you're waiting for Wrath of the Lich King, Blizzard hasn't even announced its release date yet. Now if you'll please let me through—"
"This won't be over! You'll suffer my vengeance! When I come back! I'll be the mightiest Night Elf Druid in the history of the—"
"—Code 10, code 10—need manager or supervisor over here NOW!"

REVIEW: (pretty self-explanatory, I recon)