Gameplay: 8
Graphics: 10
Sound: 9
Value: 7
Tilt: 6

I'm not going to say that Chromehounds isn't worth $60. It is. Just stay with me, though.

Everyone at work was raving about Chromehounds. If you're that figment of my imagination that reads my sporadically-updated blog, you'll remember that I work at Volition. Saints Row is totally awesome, by the way, just for those who've judged it's value based on the demo that Toys 'R Us has been giving out and/or selling. Other retailers should be getting those demo disks, too, which has us a little confused, but we're totally stoked at the positive feedback we've been getting.

When everyone at work is raving over the latest 'mech game, going totally ga-ga over its thermoptic coolness, and obsessed with the multiplayer... well, I went out and finally bought a '360 for myself, just to play the game.

X-Box '360 Premium (with the hard drive and shinies): $400
2-year Best Buy Warranty: $50
X-Box Live Gold membership for 12 months: $60
Quick-charge kit: $30
Spare battery: $12
A thoroughly bland set of single-player training missio... er, campaigns, and getting bounced out of any games larger than 4v4 after waiting for half an hour because the game host wants their mega deathmatch: Priceless.

For having spent close to the price of a PS3 on what has been a mediocre multiplayer experience, I'm finding myself wracked with bits of buyer's remorse. This X-Box 360, a box with more power than all of my other computing hardware combined, is sitting lifeless in my living room, and I'm not really that intersted in playing the one game I have for it (so far). It's a travesty. I may never adopt a console I'm not 100% thoroughly sold on by a plethora of games ever again.

I understand that my experience is in the minority. What are the odds that I'd join a squad that would never see a match larger than 3v3, and then disintegrate and vanish within 24 hours? What are the odds that I'd spend an entire evening - 6 hours - waiting for free missions, only to actually play 2 of them? What are the odds that 3 days of playing this killer 'mech title for this platform would leave me so frustrated that I may never buy another title from From Software ever again?

Well, I'll start with the good things. Your 'mech is easy to handle. One stick rotates the upper body while the other stick controls your legs/wheels/tracks/etc. This is such a solid basis for controls that From Software should be ashamed that they hadn't thought of it for their Armored Core series.

The graphics are superb. I am not the kind of person who usually gets excited by graphical glitz, in fact, I usually poo-poo excellent graphics as a sign that more work could have been done on other aspects of the game. I'm one of those vast-minority consumers who did not feel that the 'next gen' experience necessary required an HD television, or even the capability to output in HD. I was excited by the graphics. Volumetric fog (to my eye, I'm not on the render team). Crisp, baby-blue skies. Wheat fields that seemed to contain be individual strands strands of wheat. Bright flashes from the guns, flare-white projectiles. Black smoke from explosions. Footprints (and equivalents for wheeled and tracked 'mechs) that seem to never vanish. A draw distance that must be something near to the entire map, plus a good ways beyond. Thermoptic that would frighten the ex-military, it looks that real.

Your guns go boom. No, I mean, turn up the bass, because the big ones while make the neighbors down the street wet their beds. Everything in-game sounds like its there.

Okay. That's the good. Now...

The single-player "campaigns" are little more than practice sessions. I've had no trouble with any of them. They teach you about the different role-types, a loosely-defined set of jobs that you can suit your hound ('mech, giant robot, whatever) for. I've yet to see someone actually specialize their hound for one particular job. The rewards from the campaigns are largely mediocre, as well - some gems for actually completing all of the missions for one role-type, but largely a smattering of seed parts so you aren't entering MP completely naked.

The multiplayer can be much more interesting. Participating in the Neroimus war - when you get a battle against humans, anyways - is exactly what you would expect from strategic team mecha combat. If you want to waste some time, or get a feel for new terrain, you can run against AI players. Fighting the AI is far less satisfying, however, because its tactics are utterly predictable and its responses to player actions are equally uninspired. They're decent shots, but that's about all. There's also substantially less reward, by which I mean progress gained in the greater campaign, for fighting against the AI.

All that, of course, assuming that you find a squad that doesn't disintegrate. 1v1 is more about fortune than skill, and participating in anything larger requires a squad affiliation. That also assumes you aren't dropped from the game, and that latency and other network-centric issues won't ruin the game experience, either. Our MP guys from Saints Row have had a chance to see Chromehounds in action, and some even own it. Their opinion is that there can be no fixing this at this point, because it's almost certainly a code issue.

I think the biggest thing missing from this game is better matchmaking. This game has the most boring pre-game lobby ever, and then it compounds this by making players go through a briefing screen in which everyone must individually flag themselves as ready. When I say "quick match", I want to play. I want to play now. I do not want to wait for 20 minutes while the host tries to collect 12 players and then wait 10 more minutes while everyone figures out that they have to ready up, only to have a perfect track record (so far, counting only 6v6 games) of being dropped from the entire multiplayer experience. Then we wait another 5 minutes as we log back in, load data, and sit through every semi-relevant announcement that's queued up while I've been failing to play their game. No wonder it's an achievement to play in 100 matches.

As I said, I may never purchase another title from From Software ever again. Between the learning curve of jumping into Armored Core, and then this ultimately disappointing experience, my heart is simply broken. I like 'mechs, too, and so wanted to like this game. Giant robots are good. This is not.

I have to knock this game because its heart is clearly supposed to be the multiplayer experience, but there is still too much unpolished work here to be excused.