Washington, DC -- In the aftermath of the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School that left twenty children and six adults dead, the divisive topic of gun control has become a central issue in congress. While this seems a natural battleground following such a tragic, gun-related event, some Democratic lawmakers have taken a startling detour in recent months, calling for bans on violent video games--even going so far as to blame them for the shooting in Connecticut. 

But lawmakers on both sides of the aisle began to notice a trend: The two main proponents of anti-game laws are Senator Jay Rockefeller (D-WV) and Dianne Feinstein (D-CA), but it wasn't their political affiliations that stuck out. Feinstein is 79 years old, and Rockefeller is 74. 

"As soon as I saw it, it was like, woah," said freshman Florida Representative Patrick Murphy, 29. "My gam is 79, and she can't even wipe herself. We expect this old bat to legislate our nation's laws?" 

"We're trying to navigate this really difficult national discussion, and these confused coots are going on about video games," said Adam Kinzinger, 35, Representative of Illinois. "How many times do you let Grandpa park on the lawn before we take the keys away?" 

The new law, which goes into effect during the next election cycle, mandates that all policymakers must resign upon reaching the age of 50. "We decided to cap it at 50 because, let's face it, most people over 50 are totally out of touch." 

In an ironic twist, a new gaming-related litmus test will be in effect for members of the Senate and House who are over the age of 40, applied once yearly until mandatory retirement. 

"It will change from year-to-year, but today, for example, if you can't tell me who Subject 16 was, you're probably not going to be a Congressperson anymore." 

"You should have owned in your life at least one Nintendo console, a Sony console, and maybe played XBox at a friend's house," warned Chris Murphy (D-CT), 39. 

But how was the measure passed through both houses, given that the majority of policymakers in Washington are over the threshold? 

"We told most of them they were voting on a bill to mandate new episodes of Wheel of Fortune all summer," said Marco Rubio, (R-FL), 41. "For the older ones, we said it was an emergency anti-Communist measure." 

Dianne Feinstein was visibly upset at discovering she had been mislead.

"Red China presents a clear and present danger," she said, speaking to no one in particular. "We have to stop the Orientals from damaging our white children!"