You ever get that uneasy feeling when you think you just felt the jump the shark moment of a franchise? Normally it is when you are having tons of fun in a game and then you see something that just doesnt fit quite right. Or maybe it does, but needs some polish, but you get this nagging sensation that it wont ever get to that point. For the Assassins Creed franchise that moment came in Brotherhood when I first was introduced to the assassin recruiting, and all the new weapons, and the ludicrous amounts of side quests. I took a look at it all and said Huh, that seems weird. I mean, its kind of cool, but why would I use/do any of this? I feel like some sweaty Ubisoft exec would have come sliding up to me if I had said that out loud and been like Well you dont NEED to. I mean, its there JUST BECAUSE. In case SOMEONE wants to, you know, micromanage a bunch of menu screens. And I remember feeling like Well, I mean if this is a one-time thing I guess Ill just shrug and go with it.
Well that was a disaster, wasnt it?
After Assassins Creed Grandpa Ezios Road to Constantinople 2.75 I felt that we REALLY needed a change in setting and character. And when they announced the Revolutionary War as the setting I winced a bit, because the American Revolution is kind of dull comparatively to the political intrigue of Europe at the time. But hey, I threw a bone. Maybe Id rub elbows with some of the great revolutionaries. Participate in some battles. Sadly, none of this would pass because I would end up running through the biggest disappointment of a game Ive ever ran through, bar none.
Yes, Assassins Creed III is not only no better than Revelations, but I feel its a big step backwards for the franchise. It is everything that ISNT Assassins Creed. Hell, it isnt even a good game in its own right, on part of its boring plot and unfocused and shoddy gameplay. Ill list all the good things here, because people enjoy hearing the God-awful things much more: the game is pretty, and naval battles are a near-perfect addition and the most enjoyable thing since stabbing men in haystacks. Right, moving on.
The story is horrible. I mean disgustingly horrible. I wont harp on playing as another character, because that character was quite interesting. But the situations he was put in, aside from the unforgettable beginning assassination in an opera theatre (see, THIS is Assassins Creed at its finest), were dull and boring. For five hours I slogged through a tale wondering what the buildup was to, but by the time it ended I didnt even care what the big plot twist was. It should be a cardinal sin to play as an interesting character through uninteresting missions and plot that make me feel like Im doing chores. The same goes with Conner: after another three hours of backstory (look, just put it in the freaking game manual like they used to) finally he got to be an assassinand was sent on fetch quest after fetch quest. Right, well I wont even bother with the rest. Even Desmond, who had some great character development through Brotherhood and Revelations, didnt convince me the writers could have done better for a triple-A title. And by the end so many plot twists had come about with Desmond that it became laughable and utterly destroyed the conspiratorial feeling of the original two games. Good one, Ubisoft.
I might feel better if Conners story was good, but it felt like a vehicle to get from rubbing elbows with Famous Person A to assassinating Minor Person B. Nothing grabbed me like it did with Ezio. I can blame some of this on the setting: America is a terrible setting, Ubisoft. It cant compare to the Napoleonic Era, the French Revolution, the British Industrial Revolution, the Russian Revolution, etc. in terms of pure conspiracy and energy. London and Paris both screamed personality in their cities, yet they chose Boston and New York, neither which feels distinctive apart from red brick. The frontier is a bunch of trees, rivers, and rocks sparsely populated. Americans like Samuel Adams and George Washington sound tired in voicing their lines more often than not, probably at having to be in such a dull game. But ultimately it goes to the writers, the ones who couldnt pick up something as simple as Conners story and make it interesting. How could a distrustful Indian NOT be interesting? A man who would have to learn to accept the order he is a part of on faith, but never know whether to fight the British or the Colonists or the Templar or even his own people. Always being lied to, constantly wondering what he is fighting for. Other than some half-hearted soliloquies Conner never resonates like Ezio did.
If gameplay was better I could at least embrace the game better, but gameplay is a jumbled mess designed by an ADD kid. The core mechanics of fighting have been moved around unnecessarily (ACII did quite fine perfecting this) and its difficult because of the frustration at the lack of response to the controls. Glitching in a fight occurs often, and many times I find myself dead due to the fact a pistol didnt go off rather than because I was outwitted. Free-running is almost impossible, and when it isnt theres no fun anymore. Places like Jerusalem and Florence were great because of their tall buildings and architecture that created a vibrant city; combined with the daring feats Altair and Ezio pulled off hundreds of feet in the air it fit perfectly. In Boston and New York streets are wide and buildings rarely go above two stories. I, the average everyday citizen, could have run the buildings with ease(presumably shouting Parkour! the whole time). The cities themselves have little life (I mean, they ARE colonies, not the bustle of Rome) and most of the life is composed of enemies. Sorry, but I do like to take a jaunt to the general store without getting butchered at every corner in-between. Maybe if every map wasnt so bloody big. Theres only a few stores in Boston, and yet I have to run three or four times the distance I used to, fighting every guard along the way.
Remember the jumping the shark moment in the beginning? It manifested itself here as an ugly creature. The whole game permeates with unfinished optional hobbies. All of the game pastimes like gambling and hunting feel like someone left them off halfway through. Something Rocksteady learned with Arkham City is that the larger and more diverse your open-world gets, the less focus the game as a whole gets. Theres a reason why RPG giants such as Bethesda and Bioware exist: theyve honed this down to a T. Anyways, hunting and trading especially were big no-nos for me. Hunting became a bore because it wasnt like I was fighting anyone who could fight back, and trading and crafting were the only ways I could make money. Both required extensive amounts of menus that made my head hurt. I just want a damn 1000 gold to buy another pistol! Dont make me suffer through this! I never was a fan of collecting feathers and the like before, but I tolerated and indulged in it from time to time. But here the mountains of building, crafting, hunting, trading, searching, foraging, and much more vastly outweighed the amount of assassinating I did. Oh, do you remember that, Ubisoft? That its called Assassins Creed for a reason? If I want to play a retarded version of Frontierville Id rather have it WITHOUT ruining one of my favorite franchises.
Look, Ubisoft, weve got a problem. You obviously dont want to make Assassins Creed games anymore, otherwise you wouldnt suck at it (either that, or you are just dumb). You want to make some sort of Red Dead Redemption/Farmville/Colonist simulator and are sick of these stupid games of free-running and stabbing. You want to be rid of the franchise. Thats fine and dandy. But you signed up for annual installments, and it is in your contract that you had to finish. So why would you just piss all over the work youve done? I mean, even crapping out a sequel like Brotherhood would have been good enough. Somewhere along the line you forgot what it means to be an assassin, that its not about anything else other than your blade going into the evil dude. When everything in your game revolves around that, you create games that will be remembered for generations. When you turn into your five-year-old nephew without his ADD medication, you get Assassins Creed III. Make no mistake, citizens: this franchise has jumped the shark. Until someone else other than Montreal handles it, this whole game IP is as good as dead.
-Approved by TheRaptorFence