Usually 'blogging' is a daily thing for people...I should try to write SOMETHING here often enough.... anyhow. Personally, life kinda sucks. Having to, within the span of a couple of months, go from ring-shopping (for THE ring) to having to end things entirely is not an easy thing to take. It might be easier were she truly an awful human being, but if she were, I wouldn't have wanted to get on one knee and promise myself to her forever. I don't know when (or if) I'll be over her enough to try being her friend again, but I do know that as long as she believes that marrying me would mean giving up on her hopes and dreams of a family eternal, anything beyond friendship isn't in the cards. I couldn't be the man she needed to get to that goal, yet she tried to make me into just that. Going from Agnostic (at best) to Temple-worthy isn't an easy transition to make for anyone, but making it a requirement to be wed to someone you love more than anything only increases the pressure. That pressure, combined with the heaping helpings of doctrine and dogma served to me by her and her parents only helps to push me away from religion altogether. Not that I disagreed with all of it, mind you. There was quite a lot I did see eye-to-eye with the church on, but where we didn't see equally we were amlost diametrically opposed. Her sleeping with her Ex-Husband after an argument we had didn't help matters, either. I know in my heart of hearts it was just a moment of weakness for her, and for that, I do forgive her. What I can't forgive, on the other hand is dangling her hand in marriage in front of me like a carrot, as she leads me down her path to enlightenment. She has such strong convictions, that woman. I don't blame her for wanting me to explore her faith before marrying her, but she knew I wouldn't convert for her. In the end, she wanted me to do exactly that. She needed a church member as a husband more than she needed me as a husband, it seems. While in most cases, you could just inform me of the vast array of other aquatic specimens in the sea, and hope that I would be encouraged by the possibilities this presents. It should be known that I usually swim in a vast, open, lonely, desolate sea these days. Eventually, I'll be ready to explore a more populated body of water. Not anytime soon, though. enough with that...on to game stuff.... I've switched addictions from WoW to GamerScore and in that respect have a detailed GamerScore repot here: Game Score % complete ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Phantasy Star Universe 1000 / 1000 100.0% Enchanted Arms 1000 / 1000 100.0% Need for Speed: MW 1000 / 1000 100.0% Lego Star Wars II 900 / 1000 90.0% PGR 3 740 / 1000 74.0% Burnout Revenge 685 / 1000 68.5% Oblivion 190 / 1000 19.0% Need For Speed: Carbon 430 / 1000 43.0% Call of Duty 2 200 / 1000 20.0% Dead Or Alive 4 10 / 1000 1.0% Dead Rising 20 / 1000 2.0% Kameo 0 / 1000 0.0% Amped 3 30 / 1000 3.0% Riiiiidge Racer 6 130 / 1000 13.0% Madden 07 20 / 1000 2.0% NCAA 07 0 / 1000 0.0% Perfect Dark Zero 0 / 1000 0.0% Final Fantasy XI 0 / 1000 0.0% Pocketbike Racer 200 / 200 100.0% Big Bumpin' 15 / 200 7.5% Geometry Wars 20 / 200 10.0% Hexic 40 / 200 20.0% ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Total 6630 / 18800 35.3% Ugh. Those 0's have got to change. FFXI and Oblivion are in the "long term project" category, while I can keep on with Carbon a while longer. A lot of catching up for me to do, in the mean time.... The FFXI project, in particular, is VERY long term. Lvl 75 in all jobs and at least one craft to 100...and the game bores me to death, to boot. so why try for a 1000? because it's there. and I'm certain nobody has been insane enough to commit themselves to an exercise that will undoubtedly grind away whatever is left of their mortal soul for the sake of this mammoth task. after this past year, I won't mind the loss that much. 'til next we meet....