So it's been announced that Namco is going to include Star Wars icons Darth Vader and Yoda in the PS3 and XBox 360 versions of Soul Calibur IV. What you may not know about are the OTHER cameo characters debuting in the game. Yes, you heard it here first fellow gamers! Having snuck into Namco-Bandai's secret volcano lair, I have stolen the character list, which I have copied word for word just for you. Here now is a complete list of new selectable characters:

-Darth Vader (Dark Lord of the Sith, obvious samurai knock-off)

-Yoda (Jedi Master, talks like my grandmother)

-Optimus Prime (Leader of the Auto-bots, good highway mileage)

-Dante (Protaganist of Devil May Cry Series, metrosexual)

-Jenova (Final Fantasy VII science experiment, has eyes for nipples)

-Indiana Jones (Archeaologist extraordinare, whip afficiando)

-David Bowie (Rock legend, looks kinda like Ziggy from Xenosaga)

-The Red Ring of Death (Destroyer of consoles, known to strike fear into the hearts of gamers)

-Chuck Norris (Texas Ranger, slayer of gods)

-A Roll of Quarters (used by banks, worth $10)

-Stephen Colbert (Former Daily Show correspondant, inventor of the word "Truthiness")

-A Volkswagen Beetle (Popular hippie-mobile, occasionally known to burst into flames)

-Daffy Duck (Former cartoon star, demands that you shoot him now)

-The entire cast of Chicago (Oscar award winners, claims that he had it comin')

-Bruce Campbell (Zombie slayer, the only reason to buy Old Spice deoderant)

Remember, you heard it here first!

So lately I've been playing a lot of Call of Duty 4 (well, me and the rest of the Earth's population). Anyways, a friend of mine recently gave me an XBox Live Gold 3 Month Subscription (he'd sold his 360, and didn't have any use for it). So I decided to go out on a limb and give the multiplayer a shot, since I'd played the campaign mode to death.

So far, it been pretty fun. The level-up system seems to take too darn long to level up, and some of the challenges are kinda dumb, but overall it been even more fun than Halo 3. I've had some really dramatic moments, especially with the Last Stand perk. Calling in an airstrike is cool, and downing an enemey chopper Blackhawk Down-style makes for a real adrenaline rush.

So far, my biggest complaint is the same as my usual complaints about other multiplayer games: the fact you have to play with other people. Sure, after a while you accept the fact that some people are camping idiots, and there's always a shotgun whore running around, but there's one kind that's more frustrating than any other person: the kind that doesn't know the rules of the game.

My favorite game type thus far has been Groundwar. Massive 18 player battles, huge maps, it's great. Team Deathmatch is fine, but lacks strategy. Domination has proven to be the most gratifying, with it's tactical gameplay, dramatic stand-offs, and daring raids sneaking into enemy territory. The problem is, not everyone seems to realize that if you don't take the checkpoints, you lose the game. I don't mind losing an honest game of Domination, but when I lose because my teammates are all parked behind concrete barriers, taking potshots at the opposing team, desperately hoping no one shoots them, it gets frustrating.

So do everyone a favor. The next time you log onto a game server, any game really, take a quick look at the game manual, and make sure you know what you're doing. Because nobody likes a n00b.

GameStop's been getting a lot of bad press lately, from Penny Arcade's skirmishes with incompetant Manager John, to the infamous 28 Confessions of a GameStop Manager article which explains, in roughly 20 pages, how to buy video games. As you can probably guess by this entry's title, I'm not exactly upset by this sudden turn of bad press.

So I guess I'll share my most recent skirmish with GameStop. It involves Call of Duty 4, a game that was pretty much hotly anticipated by all. Now I had not gone ahead with a pre-order for, because a) I don't like paying for something and then not actually having it until sometime later, b) I try not to encourage a system I think is stupid, and most importantly c) I work 60 hours a week, and don't always have time to get to the store.

I call the local GameStop, and the guy behind the counter assures me he has 6 copies left. I ask him if he can hold a copy I can pick up after work, and he takes down my name, assuring me it'll be waiting behind the counter. Six hours later I arrive, and, well...I'll give you the play-by-play:

Me: Hi, I called and had a copy of CoD4 put on hold for me.

Idiot 1: Did you pre-order it?

Me: Uh, no I just called and asked the guy to put it on hold for me.

Idiot 2: We're sold out.

Me: But he told me he'd put it on hold for me behind the counter. Took down my name and everything.

Idiot 2: Well, we're sold out. He never put anything back here. You should've preordered it.

Now at this point in the story, I probably could've explained to him why I couldn't preorder it, and why I think his mother's a whore. But I'm classier than that, and decided to give the benefit of the doubt. You see, there are several GameStops in the area, and I thought maybe I got the wrong store. So I looked up the number I dialed in my cell phone, and asked them if that was it.

There were three of them behind the counter, and none of them knew their phone number.

The next day I drove to the local Best Buy, picked out one of the 118 copies they had (yes that's the actual number, I called and asked), and 5 minutes later, walked out with my copy. So here's the deal GameStop: I don't care how cheap your pre-owned copies of last year's games are. Until you get your act together and stop treating new games and customers like some kind of hassle, Best Buy's getting my money from now on.

Oh, and Call of Duty 4 is awesome.

It seems like the gaming industry can be compared to a bear. The only difference is that instead of hibernating during the winter and gathering food during the summer, the game industry hibernates during the summer, and wakes up around Christmas time.

Many of you have probably made similar observations about how Q3 and especially Q4 are filled to the brim with new releases, while the summer and spring time can best be referred to as "The Doldrums". In a way, it's understandable. It's common knowledge that people spend more around the holiday season, and it's a good way for companies to shore up their profit margins before the end of the year.

Still it can be counter-productive. Let's take two examples: TimeShift, and Jericho. Both are decent games, worth at least a rental, or perhaps a borrow from a friend. Unfortunately, both have been released with a two week period, meaning that (unless you're a fairly wealthy gamer) buying both is out of the question. And even if you were interested in buying both, allow me to pose this hypothetical question: if given the choice between either of these games and Halo 3, which would you choose? Odds are, unless you have some sort of grudge against the Master Chief, you'll probably go with Halo 3.

Which also brings us to the matter of the reviews. Neither game got particularly favorable reviews. It's possible that had these games been released sooner or later, they might have performed slightly better, when the memories of better games, such as Halo 3, were a little more distant from reviewers' (and for that matter gamers') minds.

Now obviously there are some times when games are simply done when they're done, and just sitting on a completed game doesn't make any money. Still, there's something to be said for strategy and planning. So take heed game developers: don't be afraid to stray away from that lucrative holiday season, and breathe some life into The Doldrums. You might find some unexpected benefits.

There was an article in my local paper last week about some kids who were just beginning summer vacation, and had started by playing Gears of War.

One was 12, the other was 7.

The mother of the two boys expressed shock and disbelief at how horribly violent and gory the game was, stating that she would take the game back, and proceeded to decry the state of video games today. The game's rating was mentioned in a brief sentence.

Now we hear word that members of the APA want to classify video game addiction as a mental disease, and that the ESRB is going to start regulating game trailers. Yes, game trailers (apparently, there are a lot of bored people at ESRB HQ).

Did I fall asleep on Planet Earth, and wake up on Planet Stupid? At what point did we become a nation of people with no common sense? It seems as though we've become so paranoid about the most innocuous things, but the really dangerous stuff seems to pass right by. Think about this: the lady decrying video games is probably just trying to protect her children, but presumably, she drives them places, or at the very least takes them outside. An automobile is essentially a 5,000 lb. steel juggernaut, and considering how many people drive their cars at any given time, you are basically trusting your lives to complete strangers operating said juggernauts. The short version is that you're more likely to die from a car accident than a video game, but you don't see anyone flipping out about it.

Members of the AMA want to classify video game addiction as a mental disease, but these are the same people who couldn't rustle up enough vaccines for an avian bird flu epidemic a few years back (an epidemic which never came, incidently). And I don't think I really need to spell out why game trailers don't need regulation, do I?

So here's my advice to all the people who lack common sense. Video game mom: I know it's hard to keep track of your kids. I know it seems like you don't have time for yourself, and honestly technology and entertainment are so much more different than what they were when you were a kid. But there is a ratings system in place, and has been for years. I'm staring at the back of the Gears of War box, and all the warnings about it's blood and gore, strong language, etc. are right here (and if the act of flipping over a box and reading the words on it is that much of a chore, it's time for a vacation). Plus, if all else fails, do what my parents did: talk to your kids, and explain to them why what they're seeing on the TV screen isn't appropriate for real life.

AMA: Don't you have something better to do? Like maybe cure a disease, or improve somebody's quality of life? If business is too slow for you guys, I can think up some things for you to do.

ESRB: Stick to the video games, guys. Do what you do best, and the knuckle heads will have no choice but to back down. Oh, and tell Hillary Clinton to sit down, and shut up.

Add New York to the list of states that have passed laws banning the sales of violent video games to minors. Just when you think you've heard the last of this nonsense, some other idiot gets it into their mind that they are suddenly "the last bastion of family values." Never mind the fact that these laws waste time and money, never mind the fact that every state that has tried to pass one of these laws has had them struck down in court, and never mind the fact that there are far better ways to clean up society, we're going to put a stop to that Grand Theft Auto!

Strangely enough, it's still not a crime to sell a minor an R-rated movie. And yes, there are arguments that these are different formats and have different levels of interactivity. Nevertheless, it seems like people tend to go to great lengths to make laws about things they may not necessarily understand. The pro-regulation crowd will often point to experts who run tests and show "conclusive" evidence, but never forget that no matter how unbiased they claim to be, everyone has an agenda.

But let's get back to the bill in question. Now rather than engage in some amateur lawyering (which seems to run rampant whenever one of these bills passes, by people whose legal experience is limited to watching Law and Order), let's take a look at the punishment recommended by the new bill. The New York bill places the sales of violent video games to minors as an E felony. Just for jollies, lets take a look at some other E felonies in the State of New York, direct from NY's web site:

-Attempted Manslaughter in the 2nd Degree

-Attempted Assault in the 2nd Degree

-Aggravated Assault Upon a Person Less Than Eleven Years Old

-Vehicular Assault in the 2nd Degree

-Rape in the 3rd Degree

-Sodomy in the 3rd Degree

That's right, we've lumped gang memebers, rapists, and sodomites with EB employees making minimum wage who sell a game with an M-rating to a 16 year old. I think we can agree the punishment does NOT match the crime.

Add New York to the list of states that have passed violent video game statutes. Let's hope in a few months we add them to the list of states that have gotten their butts handed to them in court.