Just so you know in advance, if you don't want to read my obviously unreliable blog anymore, i won't be offended :) You guys all meant the world to me and helped me through a really tough time in my life whether you know it or not. I'm not totally sure what has drawn me back to this blog but I guess I just need some kind of outlet for my life and this has always been what's helped me out the most. So be forewarned, if you do continue to read on, it will probably just be a rant about life and stuff. There will probably be something about video games (since they are still a big factor in my life lol) but it won't be the main focus. Just warning you all now.

So, I'm just starting my second semester at the University of Montana in Missoula. It's been really fun and very eye opening. I spent the first 18 years of my life cooped up in a relatively rich area of Washington state. There were definitely pros to living in that town. It was a fun childhood, a lot of nice people and opporotunities were always available if you worked for them. While it was a rich area, I wasn't just handed everything on a silver platter. I had to work for my education, for college, for money. My parents didn't just hand everything to me unless it would help me achieve my goals. Anyway, my point was that the town has it's cons too. I never saw much of the world around me and living in this wealthy area really blinded me to what the world is like. Coming to the UM, I've met people from all different walks of life. I see people who did have everything handed to them. People who never had to work a day in their lives because their parents would simply do everything for them. I also see people who struggle on a daily basis to achieve their dreams. My very first day I met a girl who had never touched a computer in her life because her family hadn't been able to afford it. Some of you are probably saying that this isn't an uncommon thing but i'd never been exposed to that before. It's mindblowing for me.

Since I've been here, I learned what it's like to be in college classes. while I've had pretty hard classes (at least my first semester had a few), the schedule has offered plenty of freedom. My first semester, I was out of class by noon every day and this semester, I'm out by noon other than one class from 1-2. The most i've ever had is 3 hours of classes in a day. The freedom is only supplemented by the fact that I suddenly am 9 hours away from my parents, the teachers no longer care if i'm there or not, and I really have no one to tell me what i have to do. It's a good freedom that has changed me a lot as a person. I now work a lot harder in school than i did before since I can actually study what i want to study and i can study when i want to study. I went from a 2.8 average GPA in high school to a 3.53 last semester. This semester, I'm striving for a 4.0.

Living in a dorm is also very different. Suddenly I have no privacy since I have a roommate who randomly wanders in and out all hours of the day. I'm used to spending a lot of time on video games and on the internet. Not all of my time, but a lot of it. I can't do that as much anymore since I no longer have a room belonging to me. It's worked out in the end, but i'm definitely trying to get a single room next year. Also, I now live a floor under my girlfriend. This is both awesome and weird all at the same time. I'm not totally sure how to describe it but it's almost like when we don't see each other, it's weird since we are right next to each other. I guess that needs a little context. When we started dating, we were together almost constantly. The problem lies in the fact that I've always been a very solitary person. I have friends, definitely, I was actually pretty popular at my high school, but i've always needed time for myself. That's where the video games came into play in my life, since it was something i could do for hours by myself. However, when my gf came into my life, I didn't know how to explain that to her so I simply said that I needed time to play video games. Really bad plan since then she thought i was trying to not be with her so i could play video games lol. Throw in the fact that she was pretty needy at the time and it just didn't work out too well lol. We've figured things out since then but there's still a part of me that feels weird now that i have time in my life where she's not even 3 minutes away but i'm not seeing her.

While I've been at school i've also helped start two different groups that are both very important to me. the first was a facebook group called Help Change the World. It's a group that talks about ways we can use the internet to help various charities with absolutely no expense on our part. It's still active and if you would like to join, send me a message and i'll give you the information. The second is a writing group that I formed with a girl from my Creative Writing workshop. We call ourselves Deus Ex Machina and the seven of us edit each other's works to help further our writing skills. It's a fun group that we decided to form so that we could help each other get accepted into the very selective Creative Writing school here. I admit, i pretty much suck as a leader but these groups have definitely helped me grow and learn how to lead a group of people effectively. Definitely still a lot of kinks to work out but i'm learning a lot from that.

So that brings me up to now. I just finished my second day of classes and all my problems with the beginning of the semester are finally getting solved. And yet, I feel strange. Empty in a way. Like something's missing. something very much vital to my being. I definitely miss my home and my friends but I don't think that's it. I've been away from home and friends several times in the past and it's never bothered me quite like this. I tried getting some games but that didn't help. I tried playing Team Fortress 2 to stay better connected with my gamer friends back home but that's not really the same either. I'm not expecting an answer from you guys so don't worry about trying to solve all my problems if you've actually read all of this lol. I guess i'm just trying to find some way to let loose everything that i've been keeping bottled up inside. Maybe by letting go of some things through my writing this blog, I can operate better in reality.

I'll try and keep daily blogs here almost as a form of therapy for me. Maybe it'll help with something, maybe not. But I know one thing for sure, it does feel good to be back here again, despite all the changes that have been made in my absence.

So if you actually read this whole thing, I'm sorry lol. I warned you though in advance lol. I'll try and make sure that gaming updates are put in here too so that there's at least something interesting for those of you who decided to stick with me over the year. Peace my friends.