Dear Maggie,
I know it’s been a while since I last wrote to you. I know things have been hard since June. E3 was a true blunder and General Microsoft really messed up on that one. I don’t think I’ve seen it this bad since then. Last week was rough, as you know Playstation 4 went live. We took a lot of casualties. Tony went rouge babe. He just left, said his brother was getting a PS4 and that he couldn’t take all the in house fighting. I saw him with his brother last Friday holding a PS4. He was a good man but betrayal is still betrayal so I’ve taken him off my Facebook, I ask that you do the same.
I was hiding out in my car on Friday. I’m sorry it’s hard to write to you about this but you need to know about the things I’ve done. A kid came out of the game store with his Playstation 4. He was no older than our own son, probably twelve. I called him a Sony Pony and told him that he should have waited for Xbox and that only true gamers play on the greatest gaming platform ever made. He looked at me funny and then said that Xbox was slower than PS4 and that I was just a dumb Xboner. I freaked out babe, I couldn’t help it nerd rage is a powerful thing. I yelled at the kid, I think everyone in the parking lot looked at me when I did. I told him with a mix of rage and logic that both systems are nearly identical. Sure the PS4 GPU is slightly faster but in the end we all know that even with Xbox One’s slower ram it has a small bit of ESRAM that makes up the difference. We just need developers to use it properly! Sure the internal architecture is more complex but that’s what makes it better. I know once developers get more time to learn it they’ll make amazing games that’ll blow Sony Ponies out of the water. Afterall it’s all about the apps baby!
I digress, the kid just threw the 1080p CoD thing in my face and we ended the night fighting about resolution and how it’s not that important. Babe I know in your last letter you asked me to come home but the guys need me. Robert just found out that his cousin is a Sony Pony and he’s taking it really hard. They used to fight side by side in the great PS2-Xbox War. They were founding members of the Xbox Nation! It’s a mess out here. Don’t worry babe, in a few days I’ll be home with our Xbox One. We can be a family again (in between my gaming sessions of course) and yes you can watch Blu-rays on it. It’s going to be great.
For now I have to run, Alison just announced that Twitch won’t fully function at launch and the reviews on our exclusives are mixed at best, not as bad as PS4’s though, we got lucky there. I love you and I’ll see you soon.
Yours Truly,
Ted, (XXXAws0m3B0X4EVSXXX)
Give credit where credit is due, this blog inspired by College Humor's Modern Warfare Soldier Comes Home video.
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