So I'm walking around my favorite pipe, ya know, mindin' my own business. I do it all day no problem. It's so much fun. Ya know, talking with my goomba friends and chattin' it up with my fellow shelled hommies. We usually talk about the usual. King Koopa this, King Koopa that. The dude is going to free us I swear. This pacing back and force has to stop.

So anyway, I'm just chillin' when suddenly this fat dude with ugly red overalls jumps on me and knocks me into my shell. First off, what gives this fatty the right to come in our turf like that? It's complete bunk that he got past security, but those hammer bros are retarded so I guess I shouldn't be surprised. We always said they'd make nothing of themselves. Lousy bums.

Anyway this tardface, knocks me into my shell and I'm like "WTF man! I just waxed dude!" And he's all like "It'sa me, Mario!" And I'm like "Dude I dont care if you're Bowser himself, you dont jump on a dude like that!" And he's all like "Waaahhhooo!" I was thinking, does this guy have a mental disorder? I wanted to ripe his mustache off, and feed him to Petey. Anyway, so I'm like all pissed off and stuff , and before I could curse him out with clever wordplay, the dude kicks me! YA HE KICKED ME! And for some reason, which I now realized, I slide pretty good on the ground. But that's not the point! I slide a little too well! The jerkface kicked me into my friends and knocked them off the screen!

So there I was, the fat punk runs away and leaves me bouncing back and forth between a pipe and a brick, a brick that turned into a fricking metal block after it lost all its coins. I seriously have to bring that up in our next town meeting. Those blocks need to die. So ya, bounce bounce bounce. It's a shame my shell was so kickin' or it would have broke, but noooooo, the dudes up in Star Road had to give me an unbreakable shell. I think I was bouncing for maybe 2 hours. It gave me a terrible headache.

Finally, my friend Gary the Goomba tried something dangerous and jumped on me as I came towards him, and it flipped me over. What a relief. So I pop out of my shell and all my friends are pissed at me for knocking them off. LIKE IT WAS MY FAULT! Ugh, now they are going to make me fly around and patrol a giant gap. WHY DO WE PATROL A GIANT GAP ANYWAY?! Dammit Mallow is crying again...