It was more like two days. Why was I modded? Censor bypassing of course! I was not cussing. Just mentioned the site that shall not be named. Why is GS so scared of that site? LOL scardy cats.

Today was my first day of Community College. I'm taking CC because I did not get enough credits to go straight to a 4 year school from high school. Why did I not do well in highschool? Because I hated highschool! I hated everything about it. The people, were what I hated most. I did not mind the work that much.

So, here I am. 20 w/o a drivers license. Having my dad drive me to school. Calm down, I'm taking the Driving test on the 30th. What sucks is, I have not gotten enough driving practice so im nervous about the test. I really hope I don't faill.

Anyway, back to school. So today was my first day of CC. And everything that I hated about highschool...is still there. Same annoying stupid kids. I think I suffer from social anxiety. I don't mind talking to adults or going out in public that much. But when I'm in a schooling enviorment I feel anxious, demeaned, sad, lonely, very lonely. I've never had a girlfriend, so I was hoping this year I would lose my virginity. I'm trying but no job + no license + the way I feel in public + i get really nervous around girls and I don't know what to say to them + I see no worthwhile girls + no good looking girls around, is hindering my plan. Oddly, Im actually good looking. Also, I was picked on a lot growing up. So I guess that adds to it all. I was a fat kid. Not very good looking either. I didin't really fill out untill I was 19 or so.

I don't hate people. But I just don't fit in. Or I feel I don't.

Also, I've been trying to get a job since January. I got a callback(finally) from a store, Wal-mart of all places. No self-respecting person should have to work there. So when I did not call back my mother was really upset. Because she said I should have gone in for the interview for experience. Well she said she was not mad for me not intending on working there, but later she said the opposite. She had a mixed argument of rage for days. Even though she was the one that made me fill out the application to wal-mart...and even before that I told her if I got the job I would not take it...

So I'm trying to get a job a Harris teeter or Gamestop. Harris teeter is more likely at this point. I have to go tomorrow and talk to the manager. I really want a job so I can buy stuff!

So, I guess I'll stick with school. I'm determined to atleast get an associates degree. It's the least I can do. I have to do it. I don't wan't to work at a minimum wage job for the rest of my life. I wan't to become something, I just don't know what. But I don't like traditional options. I like singing, but I don't know how to write songs but I do write lyrics. I also don't know anybody in a band or that have any musical talent. I can sing...well. I like to draw, but that is more of a hobby. I don't think I have the drawing ability to compete with the pros or be a pro.

I am kind of working on a 20+ page piece to submit to 2 publishers; Sometime before october 30th. I hope I can get it done in time.

Also, my brother left for real college yesterday. It was hard to say goodbye to him. I guess you never know what you have until it's gone. Socially, he's even worse than me. But I have faith in him. I think he has more promise than I.

I guess that's it. For now. Bye.