Upon disembarking from a cruise ship in Miami, I approached the customs officer at the checkpoint with my passport in hand and all that jazz to reenter the country. Now mind you, I had been hauling heavy luggage through hallways and up several flight of stairs and down a few flights of escalators and all this while suffering from a head cold with sore throat and a slight fever, so naturally, I might have worked up a sweat.

Anyways, I appraoch the checkpoint, and the guy asks me,

Him: Why are you nervous?

Me: I'm not nervous

Him: You look nervous

Me: I've been hauling luggage and I have a cold

Him: Oh yeah, what kind of cold?

Me: Head cold I guess.

Him: Are you travelling with anyone?

Me: Well yes, my girlfriend.

Him: This passport looks pretty new.

Me: Well the government did issue it.....so.........

Him: Come with me and bring your bags.

So I was detained by customs officials and as they went through my bags we had another stimulating conversation:

Him: Something the matter sir?

Me: I'm frustrated and I've got this sore throat and all.........

Him: Sore throat? I thought you said you have a head cold?

Me:............... (OMFG........I can't believe this guy is for real)

Him: What do you do for a living?

Me: I'm a security guard (note: They didn't even bother to look at my guard card which in case none of you know, requires fingerprint registration and a criminal backround check to obtain, but hey, a spanking new, legal passport from the U.S. government wasn't enough)

Then another guard asks me some question about medicinal marajuana and if I were to take it or someother crap and I'm thinking, WTF does any of this have to do with the price of tea in China?

Do you know how tempted I was to ask if they received the memo regarding 9/11 and that it was perpetrated by Arab males? Apparently a young white guy with 100% legal documents, one of which, a newer passport, and a native born American citizen prompts more scrunity than someone more ethnic with multiple entries on their passport and a naturalized U.S. citizen, because after all, no one wants to be called a racist right? So we'll just pull aside the white guy so it looks like we're doing our jobs. Oh yeah, and travelling to the Carribean, yeah, those terrorists are just chomping at the bit to get after such juicy economic powerhouses like Puerto Rico, St. Thomas, VI, and St.Maarten, eh?

Given our troubles with our border and the illegal immigration debate, I'm sure you all could at least comprehend my frustration even if you don't agree with it. I especially got a kick out of one of the officer's reactions when they saw my Minuteman book, "good book sir." Yeah, blow off.

Rest easy America, this is your Homeland Security at work.