About 5 minutes into playing Rockstar's newest release, Red Dead Redemption, I noticed something funny. While beating a hooker to death and looting her lifeless rotting corpse I figured out just what made Rockstar games so popular. No, it isn't the extreme abuse against women or the overall disregard of the law, that's just daily life in the burbs. It was the overdone story arc that I had caught on to that really made me say, "Hm, I think I'll make a hot pocket." You see I needed a break from the same old structure Rockstar keeps smashing my face in with. Instead I decided I'd smash my face with some lard enhanced ham and unearthly cheese to dilute the redundancy of the open world games I had come to love but now shrug upon.

Going back to GTA III, to the first instance you can remember of rocking back and forth in a car with a kind woman who you paid to join in on your epileptic car seizures (trust me that's what really went down), Rockstar has used the same story progression in all their open world games. Here I am to bestow upon you this amazing information.

"Hey, I'm about to drop some LSD, I just need a spotter to watch my convulsions."

-Main character with a sorted past ends up in a new place and unfamiliar place, if not new then he's shot. Thats just the price you gotta pay these days. Main character has been double crossed by someone they'd least expect, and now is out for blood (depending on whether or not Rockstar decides to jump on the vampire bandwagon the blood thirst may be literal in near future). Meet eccentric character's who make you do odd jobs in exchange for favors which slowly progress to you getting that sweet, nutritious blood. But wait, after you get the man you've been looking for all along you find out its not that simple, you're double crossed again, losing the life of a loved one/person who you're kinda close to (if you were to see them walking down the street you'd probably feel obliged to nod even though deep down you don't really want to because you still owe them that meal at Outback Steakhouse). So, you go back and kill whoever double crossed you again. END

P.S. many haphazard roadblocks which permit you from entering what in reality would be very accessible locations will appear, but not for long, working for people cures roadblockedge (it's even in medical journals now). Also, sometimes you're highly allergic to water, causing immediate death on contact.

Yea...guess no commuting to work! Too bad, Saks was having a sale too.

Yep, that's pretty much it. Feel free to think about it, or look up plot synopses. When it comes down to the bare bones however, this is pretty much it. I'm looking for Rockstar to switch things up soon. Hopefully, they bite on that vampire idea...pun definitely intended.