Yeah...I really should... :P One song that I'm absolutely obsessed with right now that I can't get out of my head is "Nymphetamine" by Cradle of Filth. :P If you wanna listen to the song...here's the link for the music video...after watching it you'll probably get what it's about without even knowing what the word nymphetamine means. :P How do I know you don't know what it means? :P No...I'm not saying you don't have an amazing vocabulary...it's legit not a real world..."Nymphetamine" is the cross between the two words "nymphomaniac" and "amphetamine"...and basically means that your addicted to s*x like you're addicted to this drug called amphetamine...which is highly addictive and once you do it you get this insane dependance upon it. :P So...yeah. :P My mind's officially in the gutter...before I felt that I didn't deserve to go to Hell because I shouldn't go to Hell because I'm a lesbian...but now I actually do feel like I deserve to go to Hell...I should go to the second circle of Hell...where the lustful are punished. :lol: :P Oh crap...I got off topic and didn't give you the link to the music video...sorry...here it is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6dW6aNAZGTM&ob=av2nI really am mentally unstable... :lol: :P It's a really good song...it just sounds really cool with the female vocalist as an addition and it's a pretty cool sound in general...you never hear this kinda music from Cradle of Filth...you get spooky music but never this scary. :P I honestly feel that if I was an insane nymphomaniac I'd kill myself...I honestly wouldn't know how to deal with something like that...I can barely cope with my feelings with those kinda matters as it is. :P So...yeah. :P Listen to the song...it's stuck in my head and my mind is in a total gutter at the moment... :P Yeah...a very dark place with tons of "thoughts"...I shall not elaborate upon that any further... :lol: :P

Okay...I'll get to some stuff that I just needs to talk about...I actually do have some serious stuff to talk about...I just feel like I kinda sorta need to vent but it's not really venting...it's just writing stuff to help clear my mind. :P But...before that I will talk about today. :P I didn't really do anything too special today...yesterday I was kinda busy and tomorrow Jenna and I have some plans so I just kinda figured that I should have a day to do nothing. :P I just stuck around home most of the day playing video games and random flash games on onemorelevel.com and whatnot. :P And I've been playing UR from time to time while blaring Cradle of Filth music...so...yeah...unproductive day but nice and relaxing. :P I'm gonna call Jenna once I'm done making this blog...I know it's kinda late where I live but Jenna said thatI should call her late at night so we can talk until we're ready to just pass out...not those exact words...but you get the point. :P So...yeah...I should hurry up and make this blog...I wanna talk to my girlfriend...screw you peoples. :P Kidding...obviously...I'm glad I've met all you peoples on this site...I accidentally stumbled upon this site like three years ago because I was bored since there was no school because of a swine flu outbreak at BLS. :P So...yeah...now I'm getting all sappy...I'll just shut up now... :lol: :P Anyways...yeah...no plans today...so I don't really have much to say about today becuase I didn't do much...I'm excited for tomorrow though...this is something Jenna planned for us to do and she won't tell me what it is...but it's a date...I know that for sure...she told me that...she said she wants to see me dressed up nicely again...the past few times she's seen me I haven't had to dress up nicely...and trust me...Jenna's not being controlling or anything (if anything I worry I'm that way at times but I'm not...I've asked peoples if I am and they think I'm just being paranoid. :P )...she doesn't expect me to get all dressed up...she knows I don't like dressing up and that I'm a transvestite...so by dressing up nicely she just means dress up so I look somewhat presentable and not like I'm gonna be playing in the mud. :lol: :P (Yay...my dad just made hot chocolate...dunno why...but I'm gonna go into the kitchen for a moment... :P Okay...I'm back. :P Did you miss me? :P No?! :P What is wrong with you peoples?! :P Oh...never mind...sorry...just talking to myself again. :P ) For not doing anything today I seemed to manage to ramble on for quite some time... :P I need to get a life... :lol: :P So...yeah...next paragraph... :P

Now I wanna talk about yesterday...because it was really nice...I feel like Jenna and I went through something but it wasn't a big deal...it was perfectly fine and now wecan move on. :D :P I guess I should explain...and this might sound like something stupid that means nothing from an outside perspective but it actually meant something to us...I mean...we've been dating for almost a year...our one-year anniversary is gonna be in less than a month. :D :P Wow...I should start thinking about what to get Jenna...that's gonna be hard...it needs to be the perfect gift...well...I'm up for the challenge...I'll come up with it eventually and since it's for Jenna it's so worth it. :D It's amazing though...what's happened in the past year...two Decembers ago I met Jenna and we were just friends...and then we became really good friends and we realized that both of us had suspicions that we might be lesbians...so we started dating...just to "experiment"...which seemed like a really good idea. :D And I will say one thing...Jenna started talking to me first actually...and it was kinda like flirting at first...I asked Jenna about that a little while after we started dating and she said she had suspicions then about her sexuality and thought I was a lesbian (her gay-dar gun was right...she got me before I even knew it myself. :P ) but apparently I didn't catch on (I will admit that...I just though it was strange at first and ignored it. :P ) so then Jenna thought she might just talk to me and become friends with me...later on she might be able to find out what's up with me. :P So...yeah...Jenna came to me...I'm not sure if I ever woulda had the guts to start talking to her on my own actually...if it weren't for her I still might not know that I'm a lesbian. :P So...yeah. :P Anyways...that "experiment" of ours turned into a serious relationship...the first real relationship either of us were in...and you'd think it would turn out badly since we didn't have much experience with that kinda stuff...but...it managed to work out really nicely...and I feel that as time's gone on we've just grown to love each other more and things have gotten even better. :D :P It's amazing to be honest with you...that my first ever relationship just started out with a friend of mine who began talking to me first...and she thought she was a lesbian...like me...so we experimented and it turned into something serious and we've been dating for almost a year...it's amazing...I just don't get it but I absolutely love it...even if everything else in my life might have its downsides...this is one part of my life that I absolutely love. :D :P I love Jenna and I'm so glad I got to meet her...she's just a really nice person, she has a great sense of humor, we have some of the same interests (and when others are different it's not a big deal), we just get along really nicely, other peoples at GSA say that we make for a cute couple...and honestly...please don't tell Jenna I said this but in my opinion Jenna is really hot. :P Don't tell her I said that...she'll slap me. :lol: :P Wow...this has been another random tangent of thought. :P NOW let's get on with talking about yesterday and some serious stuff that's not spewing out of my mind that's been in la-la land all week. :lol: :P Next paragraph... :P

Well...yesterday was really nice. :D :P The day before Jenna asked me to help her make that mudpit in her backyard...and I didn't get why...or why she wanted to play in the mud with me that day...I was rather confuzzled...but now I'm not. :P I'll just tell the entire story. :P This blog is already insanely longso let's just make it even longer while I'm at it. :P I'm a quick typer...I'll be done way before 10 when I'm supposed to call Jenna. :D :P Okay...yesterday I was gonna meet Jenna at her place so we could go and meet up with this lesbian couple we met at GSA who are going on their first date and we offered to go on a double date with them to take off some pressure if it would help them out and they said that was a great idea. :P I wasn't supposed to go over Jenna's place until like 4...but there was something I felt the need to tell Jenna...something kinda important that I just really needed to get off my mind. :P So I went over her place a few hours earlier than I should have...I think at around 1 or something like that...and I shoulda called in advance in case Jenna was busy doing something but I didn't because I just assumed that she wasn't...which was stupid of me...I shouldn't have done that... :P But...anyways...I went over Jenna's place and caught her in the middle of playing in the mudpit in her backyard...but she didn't notice me and I didn't wanna seem like I was interrupting something and being rude...so I just hid somewhere and planned to sneak off...but I ended up watching Jenna for a little while...I felt like a total creeper for spying for her for some time but I couldn't help it...she looked really cute and I couldn't help but stare...but eventually I just stopped myself and went home and got some some stuff and got changed and came back. Once I came back I felt the need to talk to Jenna so I felt that she had to know I was there...now I had to tell her two things...both kinda serious and one that I felt horrible about. So I walked over to Jenna and called her name...and then she realized that I was there and seemed kinda nervous...I pretty much knew why...I could just tell. So...I kissed Jenna and said that everything was perfectly fine but I wanted to talk to her. Then we went inside and Jenna got cleaned up and then we ended up talking for a little while...at first about nothing important...but then Jenna said there was something she had to tell me. Apparently Jenna did like it every time that we did play in the mud before...but she didn't wanna let me know that...she thought I'd be turned off or I'd judge her or something. And that she basically knew that I enjoyed playing in the mud and used that almost as an excuse for her to do that...so she wanted me to think it was for my sake all those times so I wouldn't know. The second after I heard that I just kissed Jenna and said I was perfectly fine with everything...and that if she ever needs anything she can just ask or talk to me or whatever and I'll be there for her. :D And also that I can never judge her...I've done so many messed up things that if I were to judge anyone on anything I'd be a hypocrite...and hypocrites deserve to rot in Hell for all eternity. :P So...yeah...after that we hugged and everything was fine...it might seem likea stupid thing to make a big deal about but it was kinda a big deal for us...and now that's taken care of and everything's fine and now we have something else to do together if we ever get bored and it's nice outside. :P So...after that we went on our double date and it was just really nice and we had a lot of fun and before Jenna and I and the other lesbian couple we met from GSA went our separate ways we did see them kiss once. :D I'm really happy for them...I hope they stick together...they're a cute couple. :D :P

Anyways...by that point Jenna had said everything she needed to say and that issue was taken care of and I'm glad Jenna felt comfortable telling me that and was being honest with me...I could tell that she seemed a little embarrassed by that at first. But...I had still not managed to tell Jenna what I had come over to her place in the first place to tell her. :P I felt that the issue with Jenna was more important though...which is why I just saved what I needed to say for later. :P So...after we finished our date I walked Jenna back to her house but before I left I asked her if I could tell her something I needed to get off my mind. She said of course I could...and we then went up to her room to talk. The first thing I told her was that when she was playing in the mud I hadn't talked to her right away...I saw her earlier and watched for a little while and then I went home to get some stuff and came back. I was honestly waiting for Jenna to kill me right then and there. :P She pretended to be mad at me at first and I legit believed her...I probably had this scared look on my face at the time...Jenna commented on that later. :P After a little while she just started laughing and said jokingly that if I wasn't so cute she'd slap me. :P And then I said there was one other thing I needed to tell her...that I felt like I didn't deserve her. I honestly feel this way at times...that I don't deserve Jenna...that she's too good for me. I mean...sometimes I just don't get what she sees in me...I'm just some crazed metalhead who's alsoa Satanist and watches p*rn and would serve so many punishments in Hell if I weren't limited to just one in the Abominable Sands. And I told her all of this this...and that I felt like I was a bad influence at times...like I was just slowly but surely dragging her deeper and deeper into Hell with me and that she should just leave when she can still be okay. I know it sounds stupid...and I've never said this...maybe parts of it jokingly but I really mean it in all seriousness. And I think I was beginning to get a little teary eyed as I was saying this...yeah...I was...but I tried not to let it show. After I was done talking Jenna could tell that I was legit upset and she hugged me really hard and asked me why I never told her that I felt this way before...and I said that I thought I wouldn't be taken seriously and I was gonna tell her today which is why I came over early but I felt that the issue at hand was way more important and I could wait until that night. She kissed me and began playing with my hair and said that I did deserve to be her girlfriend...and all that stuff I said of that stuff was wrong...I might not be perfect but I'm the best person I can be and I'm not doing anything bad to Jenna...I'm not a bad influence on her. It made me feel so much better to hear her say that. :D I love Jenna so much...I'm glad that she knows where I'm coming from and can take my problems seriously and make me feel better. :D Then we just ended up talking about the day and how crazy it was...that we both had issues that we needed to work out with each other...and how nice it was that we did work things out and everything's fine...and then we talked about how nice the double date was...and then I said that I had to get home so we kissed and we said that if either of us needed anything we could call the other one. :D And then I went home and went to sleep. :P So..yeah...crazy day... :P I should finish making this blog and call Jenna now...it's almost 10...I thought I'd finish this blog WAY earlier but I've kept rambling on and on...like I am right now... :P I have nothing else to say in this blog. :P Arrivederci. -MightyBFan25 (Alicia)