[QUOTE="Miguelrc481"]1st of all I never said that you needed to read master poets to become a better poet. I said he needs to read some master poets to gain a foundation to pursue his craft. Full_Metal shows talent that I cannot deny but it is essential to every poet to read other poets! You say that there are people in the world capable of creating artworks on their own without the foundation of another and I agree; however, that level of talent is sparse, constituting maybe one out of every one-hundred painters. To say that Full_Metal doesn't need to read master poetic works to become better - that it will simply happen - is the height of arrogance for one pursuing his or her craft. When you desire to be a novelist you must read novels and gain the appropriate knowledege neccesary to pursue that craft; sure, Charles Dickens could maybe write a complex sentence by the age of five not even knowing what it was but there is no doubt that his devotion to the art of the novel; reading, writing, re-writing, etc.. made him one of the best novelists of all time. You may argue that poetry is different and I agree; some poets have the "poetic gift" so to speak but the majority learn over time. That is the only reason why I suggest to Full_Metal that he read; specifically more Iambic Pentameter poems, because I see he lacks background in that area. His works are no doubt solid but as someone who has taken over four ccollege classes in Creative Writing and is majoring in English I feel that he could benefit as a writer from my advice:Dhonkyjoe

It's a difference of opinions, that's all. Much like how you use "1st" yet I would use "First". I no doubt give it to you that reading others works is a great way to strengthen your own techniques yet when you when too much into others work; sometimes you find yourself trying to create works like those you've seen instead of original pieces. Take for example, in the majority of my classes I've noticed that my English teachers have given me a different answer each time for how and when to use a semi-colon. My work is far from being perfect (in fact, no one's work is ever perfect - there are always differences in preferences). However, you do bring up solid points and having background knowledge in certain types of poetry makes it easier to create a swift and easy-going poem.

Just think about this though: a lot of people enjoy poetry and you suggest (at least with my work) to use words that are very seldom used. Take the word transgression for example: doesn't it ruin the mood and flow of a poem if someone needs to stop reading to check the definition of 'transgression'? The first impression is always the greatest, is it not? I have friends who do prefer more simple words in poems so that they can relate to them and understand them. Some people read these poems out loud and have to stop because they may not know how to pronounce 'transgression'. There are even people who have a difficult time reading poems because of their eye sight.

We could keep this going as I'm sure we both have strong points to support both of our sides but is it really worth it? This thread is for Full_Metal to receive constructive critism and feedback for his work and shouldn't be hindered by the two of us going back and forth about preference. I do respect what you say though. :)

[QUOTE="Miguelrc481"]

He is a nobody – his nobody.

waZelda

Very interesting and intriguing choice of words. May I ask what you mean to say with this line?

A nobody – that's what he is.

He was never meant to exist.

Miguelrc481

A rhyme - or near-rhyme at this point is kind-of a flowbreaker since it otherwise doesn't rhyme.

Anyways, a very interesting poem. could you tell a little about the context?

I highly appreciate your comments and helpful nature toward my work (especially with Dragon's Heart). I know it needs a lot of work to help better the overall enjoyment when reading it but I was surprised to see how much. Regardless, I'll give it a whirl and edit it up a bit. Originally, this is based off a character from an animated show but having you mention that it could be timeless has opened my eyes to more possibilites. Thank you.

Where Shapes Meets Symbols was created during my Gr. 12 Writer's Craft course. My teacher gave me a scrap piece of paper from the recycling bin and told me to select certain words from the sheet and create a poem out of it.

I'm really glad that you like Kenny Controls (one of my best) and Inspirational World (the last poem I've written to date). I really look forward to what you have to say about my final two poems (the final one being the one everyone dubs as my best work). Take your time though, no rush.

Like I said before, I really enjoy pop culture references in my works and One Final Time is no exception. You asked me to explain more about it and so I shall:

The poem is based off the character of Roxas from Kingdom Hearts II. You'd have to have some knowledge of the series to truly understand the idea behind it but it's not really needed. In basics, if someone with a strong heart loses their heart, another form of them is created without a heart called a NoBody. I never intended to have those two lines rhyme or near-rhyme with each other in anyway. 

You show potential to be very good but you must first read some master poets as to gain a foundation to pursue your craft.honkyjoe

I apologize but I have to disagree with you for a few reasons. You say that in order to become better at writing poetry you need to first read some master poets? There are people in this world who are quite capable of creating artworks on their own without the foundation of another. How did the first 'master poets' create their works if they had no predecessors? I would assume that they worked hard in using their brain, a writing utensil, and something to write on. What I'm getting at here is that Full_Metal has a foundation already much like you or myself and doesn't need to read poetry from certain writers in order to become better.

I would also like to apologize if I sound rude or disrespectful; I'm simply stating my opinion on the matter of what you said.

Anyways, I have told you time and time again that I enjoy reading your works especially the last two which have grown on me in the years. It's interesting to see how writing styles can change, grown and adapt in just a few years time. Regardless, I highly look forward to your latest works which I'm hopeful will have something up to the caliber of your greatest.

Hey. This is Miguelrc481 here (mrc481 or Zagettrix if you prefer) with a few of my poetic works. By posting these here, I was hoping to receive some constructive criticism that might help me better my writing technique. These are mostly free verse works and I deal primarily with inputting pop culture references (minus Beyond, Inspirational World, and Where Shapes Meet Symbols. All the poems that I placed into this topic are not in order of creation (minus the first one which was the first serious poem I wrote). I hope you enjoy these works.

---------- Dragon's Heart -----

Beating with the heart of a dragon,

Never stopping, he always moved forward

Standing tall, no one could over look him

A burning fire that was unable to dim

The pain of loss, driven to darkness

The pain of victory, the loss of kindness

The once shining dragon rose from the ashes,

Now dull, darkened by sorrow and gashes

Three heads of a dragon, one heart couldn't survive

Broken apart to which only the dark could revive

He looks at his hands and asks what went wrong

Why did he get beaten, why did he lose for so long

He breaks into tears and he curses himself

For leaving those he loved and going after the wealth

The power had gotten to him, he knew he wanted more

The mayhem, the carnage, the destruction and gore

It lasted until the day in which he drew his last breath

At that point in time he realized what was coming was his death

He hurt those he loved, it led him to confess

He cried because he knew he was one to transgress

His heart began to slow as it inched closer to its last beat

With his final move he summoned that shining dragon to its feet

That dragon stood tall, a symbol of his courage and skill

He dropped to his knees like he had overdosed from a pill

As that dragon started to fade, so too did his heart

Knowing in his final moment he received a new start

He took his last breath as his eyes started to close

His friends watched on, their lives had hit new lows

Slowly time passed and he died as no one spoke

Tears fell without stop as all their hearts broke

He was remembered a hero, defeating darkness before he passed

He was remembered and loved, his skills are unsurpassed

 ---------- Beyond -----

Look beyond the soul

See time take its toll

It'll bleed because

That's what it does

A heart as black as coal

 ---------- Where Shapes Meet Symbols -----

A circle has end at the assumptions you make.

If you know the end of your explanation,

You're one of the erased.

Explain how to be built incorrectly.

Access the point P(5,-3), Q(-2,4), R(-1,7)

Find the triangle A(2,-2), C(0,4)

Find the vertex J(2,5), L(-2,-5)

The bisector of a circle given end.

If it is a given triangle where shapes meet symbols,

Then the end is near.

You will now be erased.

---------- Inspirational World -----

The greatest feeling is one held onto - yet not remembered.

Presented in the form of an alternative reality.

Slowly the day fades into night and we're shown this world.

Magical sights where the imagination runs free

And the restraints of life are released to grant hope renewed.

Even though we first saw each other – face to face.

We met before in the world of sleepless wonder.

Where seeing you has shown me things I could not have imagined.

For nearly a year I lay in this world without

Inspiration or guidance.

Yet you gave me the greatest gift of all…

And although this world disappears when your eyes open.

To me, this place remains

Because you make me…

Happy.

 ---------- One Final Time -----

It's a place most don't go,

The world that never was.

Two boys stand here now.

The one – has no emotions.

He is a nobody – his nobody.

Like a torn photograph,

Like a gentle melody.

He fights his other – to understand.

"Tell me why he chose you!"

The battle doesn't last long.

He falls, to his knees.

A nobody – that's what he is.

He was never meant to exist.

Now it's clear – he understands.

Looking up into his eyes,

He feels complete now with his answer.

"You make a good other."

The battle is over.

He disappears, and everything

Is absorbed into darkness, one final time.

---------- Kenny Controls -----

It's dark but he can see everything clearly.

A distant flame fades away.

He looks down and stares at a photograph,

It's his only memory.

It's light but he can't see anything at all,

Causing pain and destruction everywhere.

Not aware of the suffering he's caused,

It's his last memory.

When it's dark, he can see,

When it's light, he cannot.

"Will you help me? What is your name?"

It's too late.

"I knew it."

Angels scream and devils cry.

All this time, his heart bled,

From a hole in his chest,

That he created,

But never noticed.

---------- Everlasting Dusk -----

A forest, spilling life out from every branch,

The spirits sit here calling out to passing travelers.

Continue on past the mist and through the meadow,

Catch of glimpse of elegance hopping gently across the lake.

Take in new life as it inhales for the first time,

That sweet, unpolluted air that can heal your lungs.

Mythical creatures that not only stand out and amaze,

But also turn your seconds into minutes as you stare on.

A howl towards the moon will send the shivers through you,

Vines hang low and spread the feeling of personification, everlasting.

It's here where time doesn't matter, everything just exists.

Where you can hear the subtle marching of boars on their trail.

Reliving the unknown memories past onto you by the wind,

Spend some time here and enjoy the moment – frozen in time.

---------- An Eternity In A Moment -----

The clock's hands tick seconds away from the days to which we live,

Yet the strongest feelings of love flow through without harm.

The cherry blossoms fall elegantly from the looming tree branches,

Giving the calming impression of descending snow flakes.

A letter written to remind of a faithful bond between two,

Lost to the fierce wind during the journey through the night.

Arriving late due to delays caused by the severe snowstorm,

But there she sat anyway – cold and lonely, second seat from the right.

With the station closing – they head out toward the snow covered field,

Standing for what seemed like an eternity, reminiscing on times past.

The snow flakes fall gracefully from clouds obscured by the darkened sky,

Giving the peaceful impression of cherry blossoms falling soundlessly.

Restless eternities know of moments shared and moments lost,

Letting their story be past on to the gentle breeze – to be told another day.

Only sure that in a moment – with both of them turning,

That time be forgotten – love would have found its way home.

- Zagettrix

Gamertag: Zagettrix

Location: Toronto, Canada