The last week has gone by without updates. A lot has happened in my personal life in the meantime, but that hasn't been the reason for not updating. There are some problems with the incoming DSL line in this house and until they have been sorted out by the phone company we won't have a DSL connection of our own. It's a good thing the wireless connection has been surprisingly stable over the past few days, even in the living room so we haven't been completely cut off from the outside world.

Worn Out

That's how I feel right now. The funny thing is that it is not the new situation I'm in now, but more the things that have stayed the same.

Our friends did have a hard time accepting the new situation. Pauline's past hasn't been entirely clean as far as relationships go, so a few of our friends didn't want to believe that the basis on which we are sharing a house would turn out to be a good one. However, we've had a few talks and they've calmed down now. While they would never stand in between me and whatever I choose to do, I cannot talk to them openly knowing they have a problem with the way I'm living now. Thank God we were able to take away a few of the doubts they had concerning Pauline's past. While it certainly isn't pretty what she's done, things do have changed. It only takes a house to live in with her to notice. :)

So I feel somewhat relieved now. Unfortunately now my studies are holding me back. I don't know how many of you guys are in university, but I'm hating it more and more.

The subject of my studies is absolutely great. I love the language, the culture and the topics I'm taking classes in. However, it's the fact the whole system resembles highschool so much that I'm slowly becoming hesitant about keeping up.

I had a blast during highschool, don't get me wrong. Socially it must have been my Golden Age, but unfortunately highschools aren't blessed with a good system of learning. I hated the fact that I had to do this, and then had to do that. I had to do things I did not particularly wanted to do, and I also needed to do them whenever my teacher wanted me to do them.

Well, I'm intelligent enough to reason why this had to be done. The info I picked up during highschool sure does come in handy from time to time so I'm glad I did not miss out. I had only hoped university would be different somehow, but it turned out I couldn't be more wrong.

I feel like a couch potato who bought into the hype of Ab-Trainers on homeshopping channels. They make something come off as exceptionally good, like a dream coming true. When you get it delivered to your door you find out that while it does the job it is far from a satisfying product. It's not comfortable, it runs out of batteries soon etc. etc. University now feels quite the same for me. While I'm doing something I really want to do, the way I'm doing it is far from satisfying. There's still this highschoolish pressure on my shoulders, pressure to perform whenever the university wants me to, and not when I'm up for it. I certainly do have the discipline to learn Japanese, I'd only rather learn it at my own pace, not at the murderous pace the university thinks is suitable. I've always said I was doing this for fun and not to ensure myself of a good job sometime in the future. However, the fun is being taken away rapidly with all the deadlines and the 'have to's'. I have to, but I don't want to.


There's a dilemma of course. I could pull out. I'd have to pay back a lot of money to the government since I leeched off of their money but didn't finish my studies...But that is not the biggest problem, the rates at which you have to pay back the money are so laughable that even unemployed have a good time paying it back. No worries there. It is more the future I'm worried about. Most of the joy in my life I'm getting out of the way I'm spending my free time. Friends, family, silly trips to silly places and also games and music. Quitting university wouldn't change any of that, I'm sure. The point is that I won't have any papers to prove I'm capable of doing more than factory work. Without degrees and proper papers there's not much you can do over here, other than packing cookies in a huge distributional center.

I could survive a few months of doing such retarded work. But from the looks of it I might be stuck there forever, should I give up studying. However, university's certainly not making me happy right now. I guess I have to be on the look-out for a nice job and in the meantime proceed with my studies. But I'm pulling out as soon as I get a chance on a good job. Sometimes I'm envious of Pauline. While her educational level is (in society's opinion) way below mine she's got a nice job at the municipal government. I'd kill for that spot, even though she makes the job come off as boring and tedious. Well, anything's better than packing cookies for a lifetime, now is it?

Hype

I'm on track again to get myself an Xbox 360. I wanted to get one before I got the offer to move into this place, so understandably I had to use some of the money for more important purposes than gaming. However, seeing the machine is action (and due to queues I couldn't get some playtime with it) and thanks to the launch hype in the US I want to get one more than ever. The machine is capable of quite a lot and I want to experience it first-hand. So I'm saving up again. I can save up about 50-100 Euros a month. Taking 50 as a basis it would take me a month or 10 to get 500 Euros, which would be the Premium Bundle + VGA cable + game. However, I was discussing the machine with Pauline yesterday and she offered me 100 Euros. She said she wanted to chip in since she'll most likely also use the machine from time to time. It is a generous offer and while I have to wait and see if she has the money when I'm needing it and while I don't want to push her into chipping in I'm already counting on the money, the greedy bastard that I am.

Current Xbox 360 Funds: 150 of 500.