Over the past few months, Ive had the great* task of thoroghly and critically analyzing a game. I wont go into why I must but needless to say its the most horrible assignment Ive ever been given.

Guess why? I was given London Racer (PSX).

The sheer nature and content of this game is of such a standard its probally not worth even writing a full analytical review here, instead,I shall write a difinitive list of 100 things the creators of London Racer, Davilex, could do to make the game better:

1. Un-publish it
2. Use it as a coaster
3. Stamp on it
4. Melt it
5. Cast it into the sun
6. Use as mirror
7. Frizbee
8. Use as dog toy
9. Keep case for another game
10. Strap CD to bomb
11. Dont aknowledge its existence... oh, wait...
12. Stick two together: Novelty glasses
13. Sharpen edges, use as a saw
14. Turn into necklace
15. Put 2 together, Bikini!
16. Melt down and re-mould as something better... like FFIIV...
17. Melt down and re-sell plastic
18. Snap CD in two
19. Use as shiv
20. Attatch to baloon, and see how high it goes
21. Use it to repel alien brain washing devices (hang from roof)
22. Annoy people on train by reflecting light off CD
23. Attatch to feet in winter and use as skis
24. attatch CDS to wall, retro art!
25. Draw on it
26. Skeet shooting
27. Use as target at shooting ranges
28. Use as Dog poop-a-scoop-a
29. Use as an object to draw around
30. Drill holes in it and use as an spirograph
31. Drill a hole in it...
32. Stick it in a microwave
33. Use as a stress relief. Snap it when a good game annoys you
34. Disguise as change and give it to a hobo
35. put it into a broken CD drive and send the drive to be repaired, hopefully theyll just issue you a new drive in return
36. Paint pink and disguise as ham
37. Throw into ravive and see how far you can skip it
38. Set on fire and frizbee into the night sky
39. Stack a few to even a wonky table/chair
40. Grab two and ping pong ball, use as raqet and play table tennis
41. Competitions! How many can you snap in 10 minutes?
42. Use as an electric conductor in scientific experements
43. Geek bling hub caps
44. Dangle from fishing rod in front of camera: Cheesy ufo in home movie
45. Make into a clock
46. Ran out of toilet paper?
47. Waft away an unpleasant smell
48. Use as bottle opener
49. Use to pry open awkward boxes
50. Christmas present for someone you dont like
51. Birthday present for someone you dont like
52. Lock in time capsule then bury it... then cement over it... on the side of a volcano
53. Use it to clean gunk out of keyboard
54. Roll over with a steam roller to discover how flat it can go
55. Put in oven and see how long it takes to melt
56. Use to burn stuff by reflecting sun
57. Leave under someones windscreen wiper like a parking ticket
58. Use to scoop dog food biscuits out of bag
59. Melt and re-mould as lego
60. Wedge open windows and doors
61. use as bookmark
62. cut into star and put on top of christmas tree
63. Use as ice scraper for car windows
64. Scoop away snow
65. Erase data on disk and write something more useful onto it
66. Draw a man on it with his crotch over the hole and stick your pinky through
67. Beer mat
68. Throw it into the ocean with address written on it, see which country it ends up in... youll probally get it back with a death threat on it however.
69. Ditch that crazy girl whos stalking you by confessing your love for the game
70. Make crap games look good by comparison, hold it upto a rubbish game and viola! Pippa Funnels pony express looks somewhat tangiable... but not much.
71. Cut it up into small plastic meccano pieces
72. Pat butcher ear-rings (google it for my international readers)
73. Stack up and glue together, perfect doorstop!
74. Bookmark
75. The relist game, see how many times it doesnt sell on ebay, get relist highscores!
76. Use as snow shoes
77. Dangle from trees to scare birds
78. Sharpen and use as make-shift razor for shaving
79. Use to peel fruit
80. Attatch to stick and turn into fly swatter
81. Tile your floor with them
82. Scratch up the CD and mail it back to Davilex
83. At a friends house, pick up a good game and swap disks
84. Windsheild cover
85. At haloween, place on in a trick or treaters bag
86. Use as wheels on a trolley
87. Chop up and use as decorative gravel
88. Use as a decorative facefplate for headphones
89. Trapped on an island with about 1000 copies? Spell out SOS with them
90. Glue loads together and attatch chain to them, makeshift mace
91. Use as test subject for a braniac experiment
92. Cut out plectrums out of the CD
93. Drop one bedind you every couple of meters as a way of tracking where you have been
94. Use as headband for ponytails
95. Glue to forehead and look like a doctor
96. Glue some end on end and use as blinds
97. Cut out some fan blades and attatch to motor, cheap-o fan
98. Frizbee at people you dont like
99. Use to scrape out rat cage
100. Make sure you have completely and fully achieved number 1

*dubious

Special thanks to 3DMadness, Keyz, Emily