it's weird to fall out of rhythm when you never saw yourself as having a rhythm to begin with. I mean, there's no right or wrong way to get dressed, but as I was getting dressed today, I realized that I usually do it in a certain way and that I wasn't doing it in that way today. at the same time, I couldn't quite think of what I was doing wrong or how to do it right.

it was very awkward. I feel like I'm just going through the motions, but like I stopped at some point and couldn't pick it up again. it feels like...if you were to keep track of a beat in your leg without noticing, and then lose the beat. you just sort of stop for a second and forget the rhythm, and then when you try to pick it up again, you can't quite figure out what it was because you were never really aware of it in the first place.

I should have gotten stronger medicine.

I think instead that I'll count how many pills I have left and slowly stop taking it. that'll be my new years resolution.