Ahhhh. Aren't we glad that's over?

Seeing as my PC was about in the shape pictured above, I took the leap of faith and invested in a new MacBook. No no... I invested... In my future. Now I know a computer out of the box is like a fresh banana. It's ripe, appealing to the eye, stands firm, and 3 days later (or the computer equivalent-90 days) it is lying in a molding heap of mush that is unstable in regards to any human interaction. This made me callous and untrusting. But then my Mac came along and said "You don't understand. I'm not a banana. I'm a cashew. Leave me on the counter for a week then come back and eat me later. I'll still be delicious."

For years I considered the switch, but the now cliche "It's too expensive" excuse kept rising to the top like a repackaged Britney Spears song. As time goes on though, I'm starting to realize a few things. 1) I paid $300 less by going with Apple's refurbished service on this machine. 2) Even though the refurbished system had the old OS on it, Apple decided that since they just came out with a new OS they should just throw a copy of it in my box in case I want to install it. 3) Antivirus? Hahahahaha! :lol:Oh man :P those things are silly and expensive. Pass. 4) I need a tuner for my guitar. Wait, what's that? Garage Band has one on it? Oh, well that must be nice for people who can affor... what's that? It comes installed for free on the system right out of the box? But... I thought we were supposed to pay for everything but the most basic possible [trial] media programs. Have I been living in a dream world!?!?

Nope. Just a PC world. Where it is PC to sell products that should come installed free on your computer. Where it is PC to outsource to a host of companies to manufacture programs of the same application where you have to pick and choose which price you can afford and which flaws you can bear to wade through before you'll be able to make a functional slideshow. A world where it is PC to sell a basic OS for $200. That breaks.

But I'm looking forward to the future now. A future where I don't have to catch up with the money I saved on my computer at the front end by repairing it a year later, and where I won't have system failures just because my coding went nutzo. Never let anyone tell you that a PC is cheaper than an equivalent-component Mac.

I'm a happy person right now. I'm a Mac.

Alright ladies and gents, the day is here. I have Xbox LIVE!

Wow I feel like I have been waiting forever to get this, and there's a lot of learning ahead because my online gaming experience is pretty limited, and completely PC-bound. (Actually now that I think about it, pretty much just WoW...) But no more!

Anywho, if you're reading this, feel free to add me as a friend on LIVE.

My gamertag is Jontepolon, a french-sounding obscenity I created during college to yell at my friends when I would oust them in Super Smash Brothers Melee with Jigglypuff's sleep-kill move. Think of it as a far more original/spontaneous/not yet annoying version of "pwned". As my friend coached me when choosing a gamertag, "It's only good if you can yell it out when you kill someone." Put that in your philosophy book and memorize it.

So let my education begin and tell me about your favorite game to play on LIVE!

I guess as I get older, I find myself doing things that I said as a child that I would never do, so lo and behold, the sports games are piling up on my shelves where the side-scrolling platformers and 2D-fighters used to be.

The latest addition was done out of sheer reverence really. After my favorite NCAA football team from my college hometown of Lubbock TX had a heartbreaking season being, at one point #2 in BCS rankings (to Alabama of all teams,) until it fell to powerhouse OU then lost an embarrassing bowl against Ole Miss, I was pretty well prepared to watch the nation forget that Texas Tech existed all over again. Needless to say, when I saw the NCAA 10 ad at Wal-Mart before it hit shelves, I almost peed my pants with joy (there's really no other way to pee your pants. Tell your friends, toddlers.) Though he is leaving us after only a Sophomore year to spend some time healing an injury on the SF 49ers bench, WR Michael Crabtree didn't abandon the pirate ship without Crab-Grabbing the cover of Xbox360's NCAA 10!

Though it won't matter a lick to most gamers, I just couldn't be more ecstatic about this happening, and even though Madden is always a superior product for gameplay and graphics, from the few of us who play NCAA for team loyalty, and the 5 of us who have deep love for our Red Raiders and have GS accounts, WRECK EM TEXAS TECH!!!

Colt McCoy in '11! Big 12 FTW!!!

In other words, my laptop is hotter than hell.

A year ago, I turned in my dead Dell for an HP Pavilion dv2000. I know right? It has "2000" on it, so it's from the future. Well as casual as my PC gaming interests are, I still want to kick around some year-oldie-but-goodies without many problems, but problems I have! It seems I can't play 20 minutes of WoW without my lappy burning a hole in the desk, the table, the leg... it's indiscriminate, really. And then the lag just gets out of hand. I downloaded a demo of Dawn of War 1 on Steam, but apparently that will only last until a multi-squad skirmish breaks out. Then the heat is on.

Anywho, I kinda thought this new lappy could handle at least some older games, but it's having much the same problem my last one had, and I'm beginning to wonder, is even casual PC gaming a towers-only Sam's club kind of thing with an old lady at the door to make sure i'm toting around a 50 pound desktop to get in the warehouse? I like laptops. But I sure do wish I could game it once in a while. Anyone feel my pain, or better yet, have a creative cooling solution? That would be supurb. Well, don't buy this guy unless you wanna drill some extra holes in the plastic casing!

I spotted a couple of games on the horizon, that despite some obvious clonesmanship of Devil May Cry-ish gameplay and/or Assassin's Creed-ish holy war motifs, appear to be too legit to quit. I guess if you, like me, did not get your God of War fix on PS2, and won't be without a PS3, you'll be stoked about these too.

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Best for last:

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Gosh, I hope some of you saw the title and thought "Crap, another Smash coming out and I didn't know!?" Well... nope. You know everything. I made the name up.

I started thinking about Smash yesterday and how the whole game was originally founded on the idea of a kid playing with all these toys in his toybox and the battles that happen in the game kind of represent this imaginary world where he is battling these characters. And I thought to myself "Self! You used to do that!" And then I thought, "Wow. I'm right. I'm ALWAYS right. I should listen to my advice more often."

So in the shortest, sweetest possible way, I wanted to share with you what the game Super Smash Brothers: Battle Royale would be, based on my own childhood action figure battles. Peep this strategy, Andy Samberg:

-Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

-G.I. Joe

-Marvel Comics

-WWF (Wrestling. That's right, panda lovers!)

-Voltron

-Dino Riders

-Transformers

-Monster In My Pocket

-Dinosaurs (Yeah, just normal dinosaurs this time.)

-Star Wars

Ok, so you can't tell me that wouldn't be the sweetest smash game ever! If you'd like to see any of your childhood toys see the light of Smash, sound off! Or if you're just feelin some of these, drink up. The nostalgia is for everyone!

Battle Royale!

If you are an Xbox owner and didn't already notice, in Oct/Nov, there were about a billion awesome games that all came out within just a few days of each other, and feeling much like children in candy stores, or Bill Gates in a Ferrari Lot, we just couldn't decide what to spend our money on first! It was truly a unique moment of "something for everyone," and though each Christmas season brings developers out of the woodworks to release a game a month earlier than they meant to, and five months earlier than they should have, it seemed like maybe this year we actually had some good candidates for wallet fodder. Maybe.

So I did what any poor guy would do, which is snag an intro-version of Gamefly for the discounted price of $9.99 for one month of two-disc-out heaven. So lets get down to the brass tacks and the death and the taxes of whether or not any of these games or flies or Gameflies are any freaking good...

Gamefly starts out of the blocks strong, getting my first two games to my mailbox about 36 hours after I subscribe, despite both of them having Medium availability. Noice.

Unfortunately for me, I regretted not playing Prince of Persia in my teen years on PS2, so Ubisoft, thinking I am in my infant years, made me a new one. Shaking a rattle is more complicated than playing this game. NEXT!

I'm a big fan of RPG's, but the only thing blowing (besides Prince of Persia) was how boring Fallout 3 was. I really did try to suffer through the dragging gameplay and drab colors hoping there would be a pot of gold at the end of the grayscale rainbow. But you know... you never find that pot of gold. NEXT!

Help me Tom Cruise, and use your witch magic to send me Gears 2! NOPE. Thank you Gamefly for assuming that I wanted my 6th ranked game way more than my 1st. Or 2nd, 3rd, 4th, or 5th. In rolls Burnout Paradise, and just as soon it's gone. A real rehash masterpiece.

But once I've got Star Wars: Force Unleashed, the tide starts to change! Despite glitchy issues, it's the only game thus far I didn't have to FORCE down my eclectic palette. And the cherry on top? Gears 2 shows up and rocks just as hard as the first, which, more than most any other game, is a huge compliment to the sequel.

At this point I have been patiently awaiting NFS Undercover, and it has been skipped several times on my Queue, so I delete all my other queue's, send my two games in, and wait.

And wait.

After a few days of game famine, it reaches High availability, so I add some Meduim's to the Queue below it, and much to my dismay, Tomb Raider and Mirror's Edge show up. Being the gentleman that I am, I don't wear my disappointment on my sleeve, and I give Lara and Faith the time they deserve, pondering at how their hotness and their gameplay value seem to each respectively sit at the opposite ends of the spectrum.

At this point, I have 2 days of subscription left, and am obviously far to cheap to extend the dime for another month, so I take it on the chin and forget that I like racing games. Shhhh Nokoryous. It's ok. Don't blame yourself. All this? It's not your fault. It's not your fault... It's not your fault.

***So long story short, Gamefly is money well spent, even if it had been a full version, for giving me the opportunity to play seven of the games I had my eye on. The Blockbuster currency exchange there would be $63, i believe. No thanks. Obviously, you have to wait a few days for shipping. That's life. My only real frustration was that NFS didn't show up when it by all means should have, according to their website. Despite that, I give Gamefly my seal of approval, two thumbs up, and a partridge in a pear tree.

Steam users! Before I disappear for the weekend, I thought I would gather your input on this program. Alongside my love for the consoles I have been known to dabble in the art of isolation that is PC games. And the rumor mill finally made its way around to me about steampowered.com, the download/streaming/whatever PC game hub. Anyway, I wanted to pick your brains if you use this service as to whether you prefer it to buying a hard copy of a game. Here's my sitch:

1. I am notorious for losing PC game discs. I have lost probably one of the packaged discs for almost every computer game I have ever purchased, and it will no doubt turn out to be crucial disc in any case. Be it losing the one game disc, or losing the installation disc right before my comp crashes, then not having it when I get a new comp, I always seem to be left with good ole minesweeper when the day is done. Needless to say, Steam's removal of disc relience is so choice.

2. I can't be bound to an internet connection. It's a laptop, people. And while my mobile PC is still more mobile than FREE wireless internet (I've got two birds flying into O'Hare International Airport and their $6.99/day wi-fi), I need to have a game I can jam with regardless of the wireless weather conditions. I don't know if Steam requires this for ALL games or just games that require internet always (MMO's and the like.)

3. Since Steam is hosting the games, I assume your hard drive isn't being overly crowded with bloated game ego? Like, it wouldn't take up more space than the game running from the retail disc?

4. When I get a new comp in 3 years, will I be kicking myself for not buying discs that I will have by then lost for two years, or will I be reaffirming myself in the mirror every morning with a smile/wink/double-finger-point combo about what a great decision it was to board the Steam Boat on the river of happiness?

5. Been hearing some hate on the Steam browser slowing up the game/comp processes. Check yes, no, or maybe.

As ever, I appreciate your input in this crucial life decision. Sorry for the intimidating format, this is not a test, so please don't just answer "C" to all of these. If you have any input, I would appreciate the direction, and if that input is a mere banality such as "st33m r mjr l00zurz!!!!!!1!!1!!" then please annotate your digital hate crime with some simple footer denoting foundation for your outburst and it will be duly noted. Ex: **Death wish to Steam industry based on personal product use.**

Have you noticed the trend yet? If you disagree with me that the gaming industry is out of good NEW ideas, maybe you should go have a look at Gamespot's top 10 on their home page (I assure you, this will still hold true six months from now too.) Notice anything terribly similar about the ten games listed there? Ahhh, that's right! None of them are original.

Here you go, if you don't wanna backtrack just yet:
1. Batman: Arkham Asylum
2. Fallout 3 (360)
3. Afro Samurai (PS3)
4. Fallout 3 (PS3)
5. Final Fantasy XIII
6. Skate 2
7. Killzone 2
8. Fable 2
9. Grand Theft Auto 4
10. Afro Samurai (360)

The quite obvious and disappointing truth is this: every last one of these is a sequel or use of previously established creative license (Batman comics/Afro Samurai comics). Now when and exactly where the gaming industry lost its wallet where it keeps its creative license, I am not quite sure, but what I do know is that they have replaced it with a handy money clip for all their multiplatform, loyalty driven, low-risk, cash-cow sequels.

Now I'll have to come clean about a few things, number one being that the best game in several series, so unlike the film industry, is the second installment (IMO: Halo 2, Gran Turismo 2, THPS 2.) The second confession has to be that my favorite game is Final Fantasy VII, which I will only offer partial defense for as a "hybrid" sequel, meaning that it belongs to the FF series, but has an entirely different plot than its predecessors. This of course is a crown which Squaresoft relenquished years ago when it picked up the Vince Young of videogames, Enix, and started cranking out sequels of sequels in the name of "Sex sells" and "I was drunk when I pitched this game in the board meeting." (I hope you've gathered that this is one giant reference to FF X-2.)

The industry even finds new ways to degrade the creativity standard. You have EA on the one hand taking its once-great, now rehashed-to-death Need For Speed series and forking it into a triple sequelogy, if you will. And then you have bad games based on bad movies based on super-old movies (can you name that game?)

You're killin' me, guys! We need the new hotness! Modern gaming is a barren wasteland if you're looking for an original idea. Now I know Nintendo has really pushed to explore new avenues for the media with cooking games and ponies and... um... yeah, that's actually pretty embarrassing too. Way to pull your weight Nintendo.

Now I know it seems like I'm placing a tall order, and that there are so many ideas that have been played out already that maybe it's just too hard to find that diamond in the rough. To this I say... really? The Nintendo EMPIRE if I may remind you, was formed on a game based on... plumbers. And to quote the original Imagineer himself, regarding his now multinational conglomorate, "Let's not forget, this all started with a Mouse." -Walt Disney- If you can't figure out the next foundational block for your creative industry, Nintendo/Sony/Microsoft, then you need to restaff with some 5-year-olds because they know what's up. And I'll give you 10-1 odds their first product won't be another FPS. Ok, actually we better make that 2-1 odds...

Enough is enough!

What did I miss? Apparently games have gotten infinitely better without me noticing, because I have seen a TON of user reviews dishing out the 10 spot on merely decent to good games lately. I mean, are we talking about the same number here? Like 10 as in how many finger's are on our hands, or the top of a scale on which one rates the hotness of girls with their freinds kind of ten? Because when I see the perfect score stamped on at least four of the front page user reviews for five of the new games that came out this month, it makes me genuinely question whether I just don't play enough variety of games, or if some users here need to go kiss their first girl to get a grip on the value of things in life.

I mean, I have given SEVEN perfect 10's among all the games I have played released between now and 1987! (Legend of Zelda, w00t!) This boils down to about 0.4 games per year to get that score from me, and probably accounts for 5% of choice games from a field that I am already picky about to begin with. Let me pick on Prince of Persia, since I recently played it. It is definitely entertaining and good graphics and what not, but is SUPER simplistic when it comes to gameplay, and very repetitive, especially for how short it is. Yet it sits with pretty a PERFECT user rating of almost 20% of its reviewers despite the fact that it has a widespread glitch at the beginning of the game where you have to restart your system to fix it and progress! Perfect 10? Try giving me a perfect 10 minutes first, Ubisoft.

Our standards are the suck. And I'm not surprised that a world that has allowed like seven(?) seasons of American Idol to go unchecked is flipping out the ten's like it's 52 card pickup. But I am ashamed! And we shame the truly great titles of gamedom, the FFVII's and the Halo 2's, that despite a very limited margin of dissenters, boash players into prostrate submission, unable to deny that we have stumbled upon something spectacular and revolutionary.

All you little enablers who complain about gaming industries that churn out the garbage faster than a Britney Spears producer, look no further for your answer than your game rating history. It's your fear of sub-seven ratings that has brought us here. Well that and Nintendo's new marketing strategies. But I'm sure that there are other blogs for that! As for me, I'm depressed by my fellow gamers' expectations, and I eagerly await a game that will make me feel like a 10 should: It couldn't possibly have been better.