Just some thoughts concerning Orthodoxy before my baptism

I don't think I've made it any secret that I believe in Holy Orthodoxy on the off topic forum and have also said I am being baptised into the church, the week before Easter (April 7th, Lazarus Saturday). Am I left before that time to wonder and learn as much as I possibly can before I enter the church and every day I am reminded of how great of a sinner I am. That being male and about twenty years of age I need not go into detail of what I struggle with but it is a constant reminder of my sin that I need to bend before God and beg repentance which will be given through the holy baptism and Chrismation.

I am also left to think of the pascha season itself, the forty days before Easter which is supposed to be a strict fast and how I fail to keep it. I cannot help but be reminded of what I read in the way of the Pilgrim and the pilgrim continues his way, on how I truly do not love God. I may post that rather insightful document on the blog one day but for now just a summary will suffice. I do not love God because I do not think of him constantly, I do not love God because I sin in spite of him, I do not love God since I do not love my neighbour, I do not love God since I cannot sacrifice for him and so on and so on. So I look at my baptism not as a process of verifying that I love God, but that I am beginning to learn to love God, to enter into the body of Christ and truly take part in that God ordained community of Monks, Bishops, Priests, Deacons and laymen. That I may be counted among the body of Christ and take part in the body of Christ is something which gives me hope and makes me wonder how St Constantine could have ever resisted for so long being baptised until his death bed.

But there is a need to explain my apprehension in joining the Church I profess with my words to be true. That I am entering a church that my family has no history in, a church which speaks predominantly in a language foreign to the east that I must wake up to and attend its liturgy whenever I am able. So why go through that effort? Why not just join any other church? Why should I join a church in which I might be alienated? For the simple reason I suppose that I am convicted of its truthfulness that is the full body of Christ which has preserved the faith for two thousand years and counting. Though I am not entering alone, I have a recent acquaintance I have met at church, he is older than I am and also from a completely different faith tradition and he has agreed to bring me before the church at my baptism that I should not enter it alone and for that reason I will be eternally grateful towards him.

I have taken up the task of reading the New testament before my baptism, and while I think I may not get there before that time, due to personal neglect I am at the very least determined to read the Holy gospels which I have kissed quite a few times on Sundays, that I might know them and the Lord I profess in my words with my heart. I have my family fully supporting my decision to become orthodox, despite their seemingly deistic stance on religion and God and for that I am grateful and I pray they should come to learn of Christ as I have, though I must confess I do not see that happening any time soon. I would be more than happy if my mother should fully embrace her Roman Catholicism and go to mass, repent, confess and receive Eucharist than her deistic attitude right now. I would be happy if my father would open up to me as to what he truly believes concerning Christ, because I have no idea. But for right now all I can do is pray and Hope to be an icon to them, though no doubt I consider myself no icon of Christ, nothing to be imitated.

So I have described that I truly feel the Orthodox church is true, and that is why I seek to enter the body. I have expressed my concerns and feelings concerning the church and despite whatever imperfections may lie in its leadership or hierarchy I cannot abandon it or ignore it. Should I give up Peter for the actions of Judas? But I have not discussed the critical reasons, which I have arrived through my own investigation and journey that lead me to accept Orthodoxy and perhaps I ought go into that now, however briefly.

I suppose the real journey to orthodoxy began sometime after I left the forums of off topic Game spot and went to game trailers religious forums for my love of religious debate. I was previously on these forums what might be considered a non-denominational fundamentalist who believed in sola scripture, the literal reinterpretation of scripture in almost all circumstances and many other opinions I have long since abandoned, and then almost naturally after I left that ideology I went into a period of extreme liberalism. I wanted to know how words like Christian and the like were to be defined, and considered many types Christian, Roman catholic, Jehovah's witnesses and oneness Pentecostals, were just different blends of Christianity, but sharing the same basic faith in Christ. I must confess right now at that period I was not truly Christian, even if I wanted to be, I was unsure of the trinity, I did not know what true Christianity was and almost came to a crisis of faith. Then I began looking into more variations of Christianity, which one was true? I remember thinking, or something to that extent. Perhaps I was a young Joseph smith only not a con man or a false prophet, sorry to take a jab at my Mormon friends. Now I wish I wrote some sort of dairy then so as to know exactly what I thought in preparation for this, but I can't go back in time, as much as I may want to. I believe at this point I might be called a liberal non demonational protestant, I had no creed, the only thing close to a creed that I accepted was that God sent Jesus, it was just a matter of finding out who God and Jesus were.

I had heard of orthodoxy before, from some youtube videos, but knew little in-depth about it and without good reason I admit I came to the conclusion that of three blends of Christianity only one could be true. Roman Catholicism, Eastern Orthodoxy and Messianicism.

I quickly came to the conclusion that messianicism was not the answer, that messianicism tries to get to the jewish roots of Christianity is admirable but seems misplaced in the vast history of Christianity which has always historically avoided Judaisers, those who might see us become more jewish to be Christian. Now during some point of this extremely muddled and barely remembered time line of events I came to one distinct and definite conclusion. What did the early Christians say? Not only the bible, but those after the bible and before the reformation? Do we have such writings? And to my delight we did have such writings, a lot of them, a heck of a lot of them. I began with the earliest, Saint Ignatius of Antioch and his epistles changed my entire perception on Christianity. There was a Christianity I had never seen before, in it were concepts I had trationally avoided or thought were incredibly wrong, that the Priests and Bishops have a real authority and cannot be dismissed for simple reasons, that there was a real presence in the Eucharist "the self-same flesh which was sacrificed for us", and what I think is one of the most important aspects and something often forgotten in this modern world today was a willingness to die for Christ. It's almost unsettling at first reading through the letter to the romans, that St Ignatius begs, begs the roman Christians to not save him, not let him be saved by them but become a martyr for Christ that he might join him in the face of evil. Saint Ignatius of Antioch completely changed my perception of ancient Christianity and the world of the patristic was opened to me through him, and I found all the doctrines the church believed in attested by the fathers, that there was a consensus of the faith handed down through apostolic succession to this day and that lies in the Orthodox church and is what ultimately lead me to that path.

Another more helpful factor was scholarship which has helped convince me of the reality of the resurrection, that Christianity is Philosophically viable in todays western and atheistically driven world. Men like Dr William lane Craig, though not Orthodox have inspired me a great deal to learn more, and another figure I must mention is Dr NT wright also not Orthodox has helped me understand the historic Jesus in relation to the resurrection for which I will be forever thankful for. I must also mention and recommend of course the standard introduction to Orthodoxy, Met Kalistos Ware's the Orthodox church which explains the teachings of the church in context with the history of the church since Christ founded it. It was all of these factors which have lead me to choose orthodoxy, and while not knowing everything I hope I can continue to grow and learn in the faith. It would be my dream to attend seminary one day and use that knowledge to inspire young and old like I was inspired by the people I have mentioned in this small and problem filled essay.

And with that I have little else to say, other than a profession of faith.

May the Holy Trinity, God eternal, keep us and save us, he who came down from heaven and for us and our salvation took death on the cross and a human body, who gave us hope with his resurrection.

God bless