Superman Returns: The Videogame. Ugh. 'Nuff said.

Even after trying the demo and reading plenty of reviews, I still went out and bought it, albeit at a much more reasonable price. The videos sold me, particularly the part showing Superman squaring off a skyscraper-sized Metallo. That just rang all the right bells - cool, epic and definitely comic book-ish.

I rue the day I ever even conceived of adopting this title into the library.

Worst of all, however, was deciding that yes, this would be the one title I'd get a perfect, 1000Gs out of, since my Gamerscore desperately needed to be inflated. Bad idea. How bad? Let me run you through the wonders and joys of this piece of gaming:

• The combats are all the same. After the first two missions - however decidedly cool they are: a meteor storm and a fight in Warworld - you will have already discovered all the strategy you'll need to beat every single bad guy in the game, bosses included. Case in point: the big Metallo fight is just a rehash of the Outkhast fight in Warworld. Word.
• The fights are boring and annoying. If everyone can withstand Supes' heat vision and freeze breath just by bracing themselves, what's the point in having these powers at all?
• The city is boring. Nothing to really distinguish itself and with no side missions like saving people from burning buildings or stopping tidal waves, it's just... flat.
• No Braniac. Braniac is one of Superman's quintessential enemies, perhaps even his first, if the animated series is any indication and he doesn't even guest star in this game. Instead, we get another villain to do those honors...
• Lex Luthor. You don't fight him. Ever. Period. The game hints and teases the movie - in fact, without seeing the movie the whole "story" becomes disjointed and falls apart - and the very last boss you face is... A tornado. Brilliant. And, for the record, Kevin Spacey does a magnificent job.
• Don't get me started on the kittens mini-game. Just don't.

And yet I persevered. I am one achievement away from the full 1000Gs and two achievements away from the full 18 the game supplies. That last 0G "achievement" comes from cheating and by golly, I'll get that one too! Unlock city, here I come.

That last, 30G achievement could be considered a passive one. It involves flying 10,000 miles in the game and I am definitely adhering to the rubber band method. Way to go with those achievements, EA. It wasn't bad enough I had to restart the game and pick up and throw Warworld condos to get the 10,000 ton achievement while Plahtune took surprisingly powerful potshots at me. Woo-fudging-hoo.

If there is one good thing that has come out of this I'd say it's getting me interested in the Superman mythos. I really had a lot of catching up to do. Plus, I feel like laying some macaronis down for some comics. I know, I'm weak.

So, moving on, I'm already working on my next 1000Gs - King Kong or, if you feel like being accurate - Peter Jackson's King Kong: The Official Game of the Movie. A great big mouthful. This game is frustrating mostly due to the total lack of help your fellow adventurers give you. So Hayes is being dragged under by a sea creature, Jimmy is getting his leg bitten off by a dinosaur, Ann is being chased by a V-Rex, Denham is being suffocated by millipedes and even though they all show great prowess at surving when you're not around, they are unable to get a shot in or land a spear on an enemy when you tag along. Joy.

However, before I start sounding too bitter and cynic, there is a silver lining in this cloud. Bioshock. Since I live in Europe, it's still three more days - or possibly more - before I can get my hands on this baby but from what we've all seen and heard thus far, it will certainly be worth the wait. Especially with a Big Daddy pewter. Yippeee!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a big monkey to spank.

The G-man is the king of anti-climatic.

I can almost see him now, judging Gordon's actions at every turn, waiting for the right time to appear and completely spoil his fun and ruin everything that he has worked for until that point. Point of fact: (hear ye all of thee who dost not want the spoiler) the Freeman had slaughtered battalions of incredibly well trained marines with superior weaponry; he had put a stop - apparently - to a whole combine of races' plans; he saved himself from Black Mesa, teleported to an alien world and generally KICKED BUTTOCKS! Then, the G-man appears. He gives Gordon a choice: ally with whomever the G-man represents or be tortured and mutilated by apparently endless numbers of alien warriors.

Bah. I don't know about you, but I'd take them all on with my bare hands! Gordon = wuss after all.

But, unfortunately, the Xbox is not free from such devilry either. Why, Halo 2 sports what could be considered the worst ending since Monkey Island 3! Why? Simple: it has no ending! Don't get me wrong, though, I had a blast playing through Halo 2. I'd almost go as far as saying that it's the best game on the Xbox... But there is only so much you can do to prove your point and create a great story and atmosphere... Here too I can see the G-man, encumbered by the armor of the Grunts, masking his voice so Spartan 117 doesn't recognize him, waiting for the right moment to pop out.

Please, video game developers everywhere... If you are reading this (which I sincerely doubt), and you are unsure on how to end a game... Remember that a fade to black screen and the words 'The End' may not be the best choice... Especially if the characters are in the MIDDLE of something.

Hey, I'm all up for cliffhangers, but let me keep the safety line, eh?