Alo.
I posted this in my myspace blog, but since some of you can't read it, since I set it to private, I will post this list here.
First of all, let me list my requirements for an awesomely bad movie.
1) It has to be enjoyable. A movie can't be awesome without entertaining. It can be intentionally or unintentionally entertaining. You just know what is and what isn't entertaining.
2) To be awesomely bad, a movie needs to be utterly ridiculous. The plot must make no sense whatsoever and be stupid.
3) It must have an element of cheese.
4) It must take itself too seriously or not seriously at all.
5) The writing and acting must be terrible.
6) If it is terrible, at least acknowledge the terribleness of it.
8) Any movie produced by Jerry Bruckheimer, Ed Wood and Michael Bey qualify.
9) Any movie that has an over the top quote that makes you think of said movie.
So without delay here it comes.
15) Freejack - This movie is on the list just because of Mick Jagger. Just watching the trailer, you knew this movie would be awesomely bad. I am putting the movie on the list because of the trailer.
14) Over the Top- Sylvester Stallone. Check. Arm Wrestling. Check. Truck driving. Check. This movie is just so over the top (pun intended) that you can't stop watching it. Plus Stallone face looks like its about to freeze when he is arm wrestling.
13) Stone Cold - Brian Bosworth. Enough said. This movie is so bad its can't be described
11) Howard the Duck - The title is self-explanatory. A giant, musically inclined duck. I just reeks of awesomely badness.
10) Commando - Arnold kicking ass and taking names. Explosions. The kidnapped child angle. This movie had all the action movie cliches.
9) Too Fast, Too Furious - Paul Walker and Tyrese. Fast cars, bad acting, even worse acting, horrible writing, but for some reason whenever it is on, I have to watch it.
8) Exit Wounds - Seagal, Tom Arnold, and DMX team up to make a bad plot idea and make it awesomely bad. What can you expect with a movie with Seagal, who delivers any line in the same wooden manner.
7) Hard to Kill - Maybe Seagal's best performance. I mean he is just hard to kill, and of course, there is the best line ever uttered by Seagal, "I'm gonna take you to the bank, Senator Trent. To the blood bank!" You watch the entire movie for that single line.
6) Con Air- This movie is a lifetime achievement award for Bruckheimer. This movie had great action sequences, over the top lines, subverted humor, violence explosions and all the elements that an awesomely bad movie must have. From Con Air: "Nothing makes me sadder when agent lost his baldder on the air plane."-Cyrus the Virus. "I'm going to save the [radio edit] day." Nic Cage. "Define irony. A bunch of morons dancing on plane to a song made famous by a band who died in a plane crash."-Steve Buschemi. And when it is on USA, I will be so watching this movie.
5) Rocky IV - By far, this movie was the worst of the original Rocky quadrilogy. (Rocky V never happened.) Apollo died. Dolph Lundgren. Brigette Neilsen. Everything was just bad about this movie, but combine them, you get a movie that cannot not be watched when it is on the television. This movie is my favorite Rocky movie. "He's cut the Russian." - announcer. "I must break you." - Ivan Drago. "If he dies, he dies." - Ivan Drago. "If I can change, if you can change, we all can change." - Rocky Balboa.
4) Varsity Blues - A teacher who strips. A 34-year-old playing a high school football player. A movie that is even more rewatchable every time it is on the television. Jon Voight. Football players who have free reign over the town. "America's favorite shots in the nuts" Scott Caan. Paul Walker. Whip Cream Bikini. And the Dawson gunning for the Oscar, saying the most memorable line from a movie in the 1990's, "I don't want your life."
3) Point Break - This movie just had ridiculous plot with two of the most wooden actors of all time. "Tyler was my woman, we shared time.","I am an F. B. I. Agent", "NO! No no no no no no NO! Let me tell you what you've produced ... Over the last two weeks, you two have produced exactly squat! SQUAT! During which time the ex-presidents have robbed two more banks. Now for bleep's sake, does either one of you have anything even remotely interesting to tell me?"
Just how this movie came to be is the fun of it. I can never get enough of it.
2) Plan 9 from Outer Space - This movie is so bad. The acting is terrible. The production value is crap. The directing sucks, and the writing is even worse. It was a perfect storm. Lines like "That town had people, people who died." doesn't give it justice. This was Ed Wood at his best, or worst, depending who you talk to. This movie had me laughing out loud at some points at the terribliness of it. I just can't believe how bad it was,but it strangely appealed to me.
And the number one awesomely bad movie of all time is:
Roadhouse- This movie featured a Patrick Swayze at his peak. Any movie that has a man pulling out another man's trachea is just awesomely bad. The acting is over the top. The violence is cartoonish. The story is funny, in an unintentional way. All the fighting is way overblown. The way the bad guys attack Swayze is dumb. The Double Duece. The sex scene is ridiculous. With all of this, it is still rewatchable. I spent manyadays wasting time watching this movie on TBS and TNT. It is so fun. It's mindless fun.
Honorable mention: The Fast and the Furious, Tremors 2, No Holds Barred, Broken Arrow, The Rock, Top Gun, Days of Thunder, Armageddon, Gone in 60 Seconds, Wrong Turn, Wild Things.
Sadly, I have seen all of the movies, or at least part of all of them.