Count Chocula
Count Chocula, 33, died Saturday night, when I discovered that the once iconic cereal legend can no longer be found in regular grocery stores and supermarkets. Over the past month, I had gone on a journey to find my hero, the man who shattered all breakfast time stereotypes in the early 70's. I hadn't been able to find this man at my local Hy Vee, or at Cash Wise across the street, or even at the nearest Wal Mart Supercenter. What happened to this man? Was he whacked by Tony the Tiger's gang? Did Snap, Crackle, and Pop have anything to do with his mysterious appearance? The answer was no. The fact is, General Mills lost faith in this aging icon. In this day and age of Pokemon and "Xtreme" brands, Count Chocula just wasn't hip anymore. General Mills decided to phase out the Count, and kick him out of the mainstream. But the Count still lives on in the underground. You can still find this man and his delicious breakfast broth online, and if you're like me, you'll have your credit card out in support of this legendary figure. But for the mainstream masses, who buy their cereal in the stores, and not on the internet, Count Chocula is dead, and he's never coming back. Count Chocula, you truly are a man among boys. You will sorely be missed.
Count Chocula is survived by his brothers Boo Berry and Frankenberry. He was preceeded by his brothers Fruit Brute and Yummy Mummy.