Again right? Again and again and again I vanish, for seemingly no reason or without prior warning. I'm beginning to think that I'm a horrible leader and friend becuz I don't show up that much anymore. Well once again my net was cut off but only for a week and it was just cut back on yesterday. So what happened to me during the rest of April? Life is what happened to me. I get back from my trip to find out that I'm failing Geography, near failing Physics, with English not too far behind that and me and my girl are having disputes. Not only this but I've recently been discovered in terms of the fact that my mom found out that my girl and I had a "bedroom encounter" in January so that set me back a bit too. Sadly though, I probably still could've made time for GS but instead I worked on other projects like my story which is almost at the 4th chapter (though it should be further than it is by now, other things about the story, future things so to speak, have been worked out now rather than later), a MUGEN character project, and I dediated a lot of time to beating Okami which is a great game, I just got lazy in recent days. So, um.....what else can I say? I'm sorry for letting everyone down and I will try to manage my time better but if I get this job that I so desperately need, u will probably see me every Saturday. Thats all I can guarantee guys. Once again, I'm sorry.....

 Ftw, ftw, ftw

So I guess many of ya been wonderin where I disappeared to eh? Well for one, I celebrated my B-day last saturday becuz I won't be at home to celebrate it on the 23rd like I'm supposed to. I hated having to celebrate it a week early and many people who said they would show up didn't. Meh, it doesn't matter. I obviously don't need anybody who didn't show up. A few of the people had legit reasons but anybody else, screw em. GrantedI didn't even really want anything big. I'm not the type of person who likes to do things over the top unless its for somebody else but on some level wanted a few more people to be there. Whatever, the only people who were there (My favorite Aunt, my mom, my girl, and my brother) are really the only ones who matter, excluding my bro but including my cuz Tre. He should have been there but he had a previous engagement and we had already chilled the day b4 so it was cool.

Got a stupid competition to go to tomorrow and I won't be back until sunday night at the latest. *Sigh* I wish I didn't have to go but obligations are a botch. Also, many of ya may have noticed the new sig and Avatar. Yup, I'm a Shunsui fan. He's one of the MOST kickass people in Bleach and we haven't even seen too much from yet. But I've played with him on Bleach DS and Bleach DS 2nd and he's tied for my #1 favorite Bleach Character. Its him and Zangetsu in 1st, followed by Ichigo and Byakuya in 2nd, then a tie between Hollow Ichigo  and Ulquiorra for 3rd and Chad in 4th after I saw the right hand of God and the Left arm of the Devil, and finally in 5th a 3-way tie between Kenpachi, Ikkaku, and the one Bounto with Daruku. Don't know wh I have a huge list but at least I have a top ten if I ever wanted to span them out.

Anyway, I gotta get ready for school. Still gotta shower and whatnot. Later guys.

Currently listening to: I'm not Okay (I promise) - My Chemical Romance 

Yup, I'm done with standardized tests, at least for the rest of the year. I probably failed my ass off on the ACT's but the MME's (Michigan Merit Exams) were easy as hell. I probably only messed up on the extra hard math and Science but only science becuz I didn't pay attention in biology andonly the extra hard math becuz I didn't pay attention in Honors Algebra 3 and 4. Oh well, I ace the other math, the reading, and the 2 levels of Social Studies. Just gonna have to pay $40 to take the ACT's over:evil: whatever, I won't trip. Just gonna need to be studying harder.

And of course, like I said, TSAU's b-day was yesterday but I wasn't allowed to stay on the computer long enough to do what I had planned becuz I was forced to study more. So I'm here now but the banner hasn't been sent to me yet. I'll put it up when I get it later guyz. Anyway, still got to say it. Happy B-day to the top dog in Samurai Unions and RPGs. TSAU, this is year one of many.

F*** the what? For the Win, F*** the World....

A recent chat with my mom made me realize that I've kinda been a horrible person. Any time I had obligations, I would just blow them off hard and do as I pleased. I've done with the track team, which I made up a lie for so that I wouldn't have to go for a while and in turn, I ended up quitting without them knowing. I'll tell one of the members tomorrow since he's someone I'm cool with. I've done this with school and housework. I'd skip school when I thought it to be a hassle and go to sleep whenever I had something to do at home. I've even done with GS. Yes, I know. I made a union and I have an obligation to keep it rolling. Don't think that I don't go there to check up on you guys. I'm here just about everyday actually. I just don't post is all and no excuses, I've been busy with my girl. She's taken up most of the time in my life as of late but what can you expect? I have an obligation to her to ya know?

Anyway, more recently, I've had an obligation to this team website design competition thing involving my VoTech (Vocational/Technical school that I go to for 3 hours out of my school day). I didn't go to regionals becuz I didn't want to and in the end, I said I had a funeral to go to. Our website was trash and I expected us to lose hard, especially since I was the only one who truly knew the material. Somehow, we slipped through though and made it to state but the catch is that it's on my birthday. Truthfully, I hate it and I don't want to go but they'll get disqualified if I don't since the whole team must be there AND once again, I'm currently the only one who knows the info.

The truly sad part about it was that this time, I might actually be able to spend my b-day with my wifey. Last year, I had Maria but she was only on momentarily and that was just to say Happy B-day to me and chill for a little bit. (Btw Joey, tell her I said happy b-day. I know it passed already but you were M.I.A.). On top of that, I had "special activities" planned for my b-day involving skipping school, my girl at one point or another, and illegal substances at another point (decided to make it a b-day thing to get blown if u understand the slang and no its not perverse). *Sigh* Sadly, my mom made me realize that I can either be the type of guy who blows of obligations, be the type who has no obligations to anything or anybody, or be the type of man who takes care of business when it needs to be done. Which type of guy do ya think I want to be? The answer is number 2. Which kinda guy do ya think I am? The answer is number 1. Now which one do ya think I chose? That answer is number 3 so Tre, we'll be rescheduling but now, I'm also starting to get into my "if you don't like it, **** u" phase so I'm no longer sugar-coating anything. If u got an issue with me, too bad becuz your feelings are probably insignificant to me (with the exception of a few but I'll still tell it to ya straight, just apologize beforehand)

Anyway, that's all for now. I've made my decision, I'm going ON MY B-DAY which is on a Friday btw! Do you know how rare that is? Whatever....Tre, we're rescheduling man but we'll talk about it later.

FTW? FtW, ftw....

So I've been missing lately right? Well, not really. I've come back on and off to check on things but I've had one hell of a time figuring out what I was gonna do for my girl for Valentine's Day and when I'm planning for her, I can't have distractions but I got it done, just putting the finishing touches on everything now (Finishing up the letter and two poems that I promised myself to write her) so I can come back and start posting TSAU and SSU (yes, I haven't forgottten about you guys). Just give me a minute to finish everything I had planned for this day and I'll be back in no time.

Also, big ups to all couples out there today. May your love filled be full of much sex as well and enjoy your life with the one you love as much as you can. You never know what could send it all straight to hell in an instant.

And big upst to my bro Joey. We're still waiting for you to return man so get your ass back here as sooon as possible, ya got me?

Dueces good people (deuces means Peace btw),

Later.

Yup, I know what I am but this time, I hate myself for being this way. What happened you say? Let me give you the rundown.

Let's see, I think it was Saturday....was it? Yeah, it had to be becuz Tre was still over. Okay, had to get the story straight. Alright, Saturday I'm on the phone with my future first wifey (hopefully, I pray to god I didn't mess this one up) and some how we end up on a conversation about wrestling which (inevitably) led to a convo about everybody's "favorite" (sarcasm) The Rock. Personally, I dislike the Rock when it came to the persona he played on WWF (back when it still was) and I could care less about it but she at first plays it off like she didn't obsess about him (all of you women did at one point or another, there's no use in hiding it) and then I asks her what she'd do if she met him in person (dumbass) and she tells me that she'd scream, run up to him and jump on him. That hurt....a lot. Seriously, right in my face? Whatever, I blow it off. Apparently Scorpion King comes on not too long after this conversation (actually I think it was coming on next and that's what started the convo) and it's on for a while, fine. Suddenly, she screams "OMG, I LOVE YOU" at the TV (can't forget, we're on the phone) and acts like she was saying it to me.

Now I know for a fact that she wasn't talking to me by the way she tried to act like it didn't happen but I don't know if you guys know or not but it hurts like hell to here someone you love say that to somebody else, even if they are famous. Still, I was pissed, even though she meant to say that she loved the move that he did, it still hurt. Whatever, we get by it and today, it's brought up again. O-M-G, I got so pissed off that I couldn't calm down if I had 3 million tons on chocolate, 23 ounces of weed, jazz, and a moderately cold room (all of those things calm me down tho I don't smoke weed.....or that's to say that I've only done it once). I don't know why people don't understand why it hurts to hear something that like from somebody u love but apparently she couldn't understand me. Now we're not arguing. No, I left, I went out side in the nice cold weather to feel better listening to Chain by Back-On which didn't work. Our friends and my mom were in the house searching for me and little did they know, I'm in the backyard.

Anyway, it pissed her off that I was upset at that but really, it was more so that she hated feeling like someone was mad at her and I wasn't mad, moreso just hurting.....like hell. My body felt like it WANTED to be ripped apart, not like it was being ripped apart but more like I would've felt better if some demon would've ripped me to shreds. Regardless, it's all becuz I have issues and I'm always trippin and whatever. I know, it's my fault. It's not like she actually loves the Rock and really the Rock has nothing to do with this. I just take stuff too personally rather than blow it off like normal people. Everybody says they love a celebrity. Hell, I used to love Megan Good but I started to realize that they are just people who live their lives just like the rest of us.....just.....a lot more glamorous is all. We got over it, I apologized profusely for acting crazy and overprotective and on the outside it seems like we're fine but now it feels as if there's a wall in front of us and I don't know how to tear it down. I wish.....that I wasn't such a jackass.....seriously....I might have messed up the best thing that's happened to me since....well, since ever. I'll find a way to fix it, though we've both gotten our points across, and we both understand each other....I don't know....I promise to god I'll fix it, on my grave I promise. I just wish.....I knew how......:(

Struggling Against Me
A battle ends
But for the war
It's just like it began
Against the man in the mirror
I wage this war
Fighting the shadows behind me
Struggling against the light ahead of me
Lost in the void
I find myself
Struggling against me

Another one by me. I've decided that I'll do another poem every time I'm starting a new blog in order to give people an idea of what the blog will be about....if they can interpret it. This particular poem involves me basically fighting against the ghosts of my past, the demon of my present, and the trials in the future. I've been thinking lately about a lot of things and I've recently realized that I've never poured all of my being into any one thing. I always half-assed my way through life (though somehow miraculously making good grades) and I've found nothing that called out to me in such a manner that I actually had to muster all of my determination, mental skill, and any other thing u can think of, to complete the task.

In other words.....I don't know what my calling is. Sometimes it feels like I'll be a novelist, other times, a game designer, and other than that, maybe an inventor or something....I don't know.....maybe it's just becuz I'm young so I haven't had time to feel passionately about something other than my girlfriend. Some people have sports, others have books,....me? I'm lost in the void, struggling against me......

Life sped up really fast but I'm starting to enter cruise control. Finals (basically mid-terms, don't ask why they call them finals) are done and I starting to get back on the net (yes, I stopped coming on the net, don't ask why) but with cruise control, I'm also kinda returning to darkness. My New Year's Resolution was to be more trusting and a better man for my wifey but it's hard ya know? And she doesn't always make it easy for me to fulfill my job with some of the things she does or says or hides. Still, I love her, I'd give my life for her and I'm probably just tripping right? Meh, I'll get over myself.....sooner or later. Right now I'm find it a bit diificult but I wrote a poem that personifies my dark side, inspired by the Anime/Manga "Air Gear".

Judgement Night
As The Moon Casts It's Glow
The Chained Are Released
Salvation Has No Meaning
Once The Trial Begins
The Jury Becomes The Convicted
The Convicted Becomes The Decease
And The Judge Doubles As The Jury
All Quake In Fear
As The Verdict Casts It's Shadow
Safe Is No One
On Judgement Night

Feedback would do me wonders guys and the poem I got from is this one.

Sleeping Forest
Amongst The Trees,
Branch with Branch
Towering Into The Sky
Blinding Hunters
In The Dark
Where The Beasts Fangs Lie
As Night Falls
The Hunters Shall Be The Prey
Sleeping Forest

Yup ladies and gents, it's official, I'm back but I probably won't be getting much posting done so soon. I gotta get back into my grove and a girl also takes up much of my time. Regardless, rejoice for I have returned and I bear gifts......actually, I'm the only get so um...Merry X-Mas to TSAU and SSU. My Christmas present to you guys is my return. I'll post tomorrow, today isn't necessarily the best time for me.....ah....what the hell, I'll do a quick run through and see what's up with everybody before I call it a day. Btw, if you don't know, now ya know: I've finished the Prologue, First Chapter (Warfare 101) and Second Chapter (Save The Last Dance) of Chained, that is, if you're a fan. If you want the story, I'll email it to ya but you gotta let me know first and give me your email address alright?

F*** The What?
For The Win,
F*** The World.

Damn it's good to be back.....

Yeah, many of ya already know. The net was cut Wednesday....I'm glad a new chapter of Naruto wasn't released or I woulda been pissed even more. Whatever, since we're moving soon, I doubt I'll be getting it back before then. Right now I'm over my Aunt's house but hopefully, I'll come on when I go over Tempest's house (if that's alright with you cuzin) and drop in when I can, probably every weekend or so. Also, I have kickass news, my girl used to be on lockdown so much with her mom, she couldn't go anywhere but lately, she's come over every friday so here mom just said **** it, as long as she can get a ride home before 10, she can come over every friday and as long as she can get a ride to and from my house, she can come over Saturday's as well.^_^ I was so happy when i heard that.....

And, no school tuesday and a half-a-day friday, I'm gonna enjoy next week. Jealousy issues are starting to rise again as I'm getting overprotective (again!) but I'm trying my best to get over them so I won't constrict her you know. I want to give her every ounce of freedom I have but it's hard......I wish......sometimes I just wish there were no other guys so she'd only be able to love me forever. I know, its crazy and really stingy of me but it can't be helped. Whatever, I'm fighting that side of me for her becuz I love her and I trust her. Still, I couldn't help but growl a little yesterday when one of my friends that got into the whole issue came back for a visit and she gave him a hug. She see's him as a brother (at least that what she told me and I believe her) and so do I so I doubt he'd do anything or she would too but.....well, I'll fill ya in with a PM on some of this issues I got between those two.

Man, my ribs hurt from anger at myself for being a jealous ass now. Let me change the subject. I'm almost done with the 1st chapter so all you Chained fans can have something to look forward to in a little bit. In case ya didn't realize, all of that stuff I originally posted, guess what? Only the prolouge guys, I actually intend on making a book....

Anyway, cheers I guess to a lot of stuff, Joey PM me and I'll fill ya in, Death you two and Tre, if you want to know, just give me a call or ask me when I see ya. *Raises a mug* Today I drink half in happiness and half in despair and rage.....story of my life eh?

Btw, I forgot.

FTW? FTW, FTW!