For three weeks I have given up. I tried to take some of my internal conflicts and handle them my way. It was just a disaster. I've been feeling worse than usual. Angery, depressed, overall pretty bad. Even good days at work as soon as I get home I just look back at the day and I think it sucks. I haven't felt like myself hence the lack of journaling. It was just a huge bottling of everything, I have no one I feel comfortable talking to anyways. When I took matters into my hands I have really distanced myself from God, I haven't prayed or anything in 3 weeks. I just feel empty. So I've realized my way doesn't work it just makes me feel worse. I'm back at square one. Maybe an answer will come to me, I need to get my life back on track. Not that I'm off course its just I've lost my zeal my motivation for really anything. I do good at work, but I'm not motivated. The only thing I work hard for is more hours so I don't have to be at home and think about things. I just get to avoid it all at work. its very nice. Things will sort themselves out eventually.