I have been feeling in the dumps the last few days. After those texts I had been waiting a call from her. To my avail nothing happened. Making peace with it I headed to church today to hear Ron Carlson speak on world religons. A personal favorite subject of mine. Though I don't agree with everything he said he had some good points. But while in a moment of mediatation within church I got the overwhelming feeling that I had when we broke up. That things weren't over. Soon after I got very pissed. I'm with conflicting notions.

One: we will meet again and it will be awesome, we are merely in a growing period, the love is still there and it will persist. But perhaps some time apart we can sort things out and come back stronger.

Two: I don't want to cling on to her, I don't want to stay hoping we will get back together.

I miss her, and I'm mad at God for giving me this feeling. I don't know what to do. I will post more later.

adding in more.

I've slumped back down into a sadness. everything reminds me of her. I got back to college and had some of the gifts she had given on my desk and her pictures on my wall. I almost broke into tears. I think I am trying to rush myself through this. But I just have that internal conflict. I don't want to find anyone else yet. I want to talk to her. I want to know what she is going through. I checked her facebook, she hasn't been on since the break up. I'm confused. I don't want to contact her again after those texts I sent I can't be too desperate. She will contact me and when she does I will know what the answer is.

Once again, I pray, God protect her and bless her.

update update

She is very sad, but wants to move on. for now..she said that like four times. bleh. I am gonna do the same. Its spiritual growth time. haha.