I've regressed and moved forward in life all at the same time. While, I came to a realization today that has given me strength for whatever stupid path I've put myself on. Work has been rather stressful, as its a lot to take in. But working at best buy will be fantastic once I get in the swing of things. THe main problem is I'm suppose to be saving money but I can easily find many things to purchase there. But I can get 50$ cables for about 8 bucks. Not bad eh. So I'm ditching the KVM and going to dvi for my monitor and getting a vga cable extender and I'm gonna get a wireless mouse and keyboard. If i can talk my parents into paying 50-75 dollars for my monitor then I might look into a nice 22 inch wide screen or soemthing. Who knows right now. The cables will happen monitor maybe not. I might also want a raptor 10k rpm hd. I'm using an IDE crap drive right now. BUt thats for later.

I've been rather down in teh dumps, I should be happier as they constantly play rattatouille at work.I love that movie. Something about it. But thats besides the point. Its just my inner demons. I use the words demons for inner conflict. Makes it sound cooler or a struggle. I donno. I worked through a lot today. I donno how long it will last this feeling I have. Its a fleeting feeling. I get pissed reconcile then it returns. So I hope I have the strength to keep it. And look forward. Things will work out it due time.

Not much has happened with me. Just a personal battle and a constant wondering if this path is right. But as I look around there are no other paths for me take. I'm stranded and I can only move forward. Does it make this choice right? I have no idea. I'm wondering where I went to wrong to end up here. Maybe I didn'tdo anything wrong and this is right. If this is right why do I feel like this. It will get sorted out. in due time. I hope and pray things get sorted out. Haha, well. Thats it for today. If anything changes I'll be back to edit :P God Bless

------------------------------

08/11/08

I got off work felt a bit sick. I've been doing nothing since I got back at 11:45. I've been listening to the Chrono Cross sound track on youtube. I'm definaitly gonna pick it up once my pay check gets in. I got in contact with an old friend. That was good. She was a highschool friend. So we talked, got a little bummed after it. Brought up a lot of memories. As for today my mind has been pretty focused. I'm not getting side tracked. I feel like i need to do something. Something is tugging at me. I don't know what to do though. Oh well maybe a nap will help.

Ah napped, I feel better I think. I had the dream again. Just another part of this progression. This one everything seemed perfect. At a water park holding hands. Quite odd. These dreams all seem interconnected and moving in an sequental progression. Oh well, a friend called me. I'll ask her about it tonight. I get to do application tonight. Then check on teh nursing tomorrow. so its going goood.Talked to a friend and she offered good insight. SHe said the dreams were my way of coping with what has happened. I donno if its true or not. It could be. I did my apps today :)