So it seems time has passed and I've found myself back here posting. A lot has happened since Sunday and thats rather hard to imagine considering its only been a few days. Two to be exact. As I start on this third day I need to write. I really needed to write. Work, has been getting worse and better at the same time. One, I'm a low self esteemed guy always have been. My self esteem is piss poor because I have very high standards for myself. I've found this true. So there is a new girl and everyone says I'm way better than her and far more socially entertaining. Woo, self esteem right there. But work its self is rather mundane. Its customers and "broken" computers. But with that I do have a colorful cast of character there. All in which I do throughly enjoy hanging out with. 3 of them I go to there house regularly. Me and Jen (She is like 30 and married don't get any ideas) Get along very well, she thinks I'm smart and she talks to me quite a bit. Yeah there is the crew, the guy Adam seems cool but its usually busy so we never get to hang out.
School, well.... I have nothing good to say. Its about a 15 minute communte there. Not bad not bad at all. Except for the fact I hate it there. I just don't belong. I feel out of place. I really do. Its just like I'm there and I shouldn't be. Its a weird feeling. I doubt I'll make any friends. My mom is regretting her decision not to send me to Sonoma, which has pissed me off to no end because it wasn't her decision. It wasn't I made it. But oh well, I've been pretty upset. Its just been stress. Nursing, school, work, social life.
Speaking of social life, I think my agitation might be a bit due to my all of a sudden active life. With school, and such, and hanging with friends about 4 times a week. My brother always wants to play games online with me and my mom wants to watch lost. I have to do school work. That I don't get my time that I'm use to just sit and play games and kind of lose myself in my world. Though the one relaxing bit of life has been Y. Yeah Y you all know her. She has been an interest of mine that has fleeted and come back. Well, its back. Yeah, I know. The last few times we have talked I have just wanted to say Y, I really really like you. But I know it wouldn't work she is very busy and I know I am needy in relationships. Plus, I wouldn't want anything to happen to our friendship. I cherish it. I really do. Its kind of got me distraught. I Wonder if I'm just using her as a replacement because about 80% of the time she really reminds me of Kirsten.
As with Kirsten, well not much has happened. Its all internal conviction and internal drama. AS to wether I'm right or not I donno. I still pray for her, and I hope for a second chance. Y asked me if I was over her, since the convo came up of her old bf. I said " I don't get sad by it but I still think of the possiblity of it happening" Is it truth? I donno feelings vary from day to day. Its complicated I suppose.
I've been feeling lonely. With more friends and being more active I feel more lonely. Its just how its been. I always need the really close friend I can confide in. I also think its because I miss Sonoma, and Y. I do miss her. We were really good friends, still are but its weird not going to costco with her. Haha. Well, I guess thats all for today. It took me a long time to get the words for this. I hope you all enjoy a big snippet into my life. God bless :)