You know, life sucks! Most of you have already, at some point in your life, come to this obvious conclusion and have hence moved on but for those of you that are still dwelling on it here's my take on "life".... Buckle up!
Lesson 1: "Once dishonest, ALWAYS dishonest"
Three years and 9 months ago (Yes,sadly I have been counting) I met this girl (What story would be a story without one hey?) it started out innocently enough, she told me about how she was into riding and was going to a show a horse at some arena and that she was around my age etc, etc, etc. Which later i discovered was all a LIE but ok I overlooked this and we carry on talking and chatting online and become pretty good friends so I just shrug that off as well, trying to impress me or something, WRONG strike one! Anyways at the same time I also meet this other nice girl, we don't really talk much as she isn't really online that often but I end up liking her too as we have a few things in common and its always good to have friends right? RIGHT! Just wait for that idea to go out the window later on, keep reading to find out why....
So curiosities amongst curiosities I pick up that whenever the first girl, lets call her Girl A, is offline the other girl, Girl B, miraculously comes online.... Well well a bit of probing here and there but neither will admit anything, smell a rat? Well no maybe its just my paranoia kicking in.... WRONG, strike two! Anyways a year passes and Girl A and I are getting along really nicely, sending cute little notes to one another and whatnot so I start thinking hey, she likes me and I really dig her, in fact I think I LOVE her so lets pop the question and see how she feels! Good idea at the time, so do you love me? "Um.... Well.... I don't know" is the impression I get, ouch oooh aaah! You can take it, you're a man, aren't you? Hey pip squeak? :P Ok ok, WRONG again, strike three to me, what.... its not over? No I'm a MAN remember, lets take some more! ;)
Lesson 2: "Where there was never love, there will NEVER be love!"
Anyways, maybe she just needs time, I mean we are sending love notes to each other and really get along well there must be something, mustn't there? Ok so yeah I was 20 going on 21, never been kisses I was clutching at every little straw I could find ok! Few weeks pass and pop out comes this little word and my heart is like, WOOOHOOO man you did it you actually have someone that LOVES you now, bompity bompity BOOMP! Ok, ill spare you the nauseating bits! :P So few months go by we decide hey, lets see how this works out in person, phone around find out how much it will cost me.... WHAT R2500 for TWO nights,cant I just stay at her place... NO? *Faint* oh well, if this works out it will be worth it lets just beg borrow and steal from everyone I know, it was my 21st Bday after all! WRONG, totally one sided relationship coming up! Strike four I guess! :P
Lesson 3: "Never give TOO much of yourself"
Ok so I go up there we meet I shower her and her family with presents since its near Christmas anyways and was coincidentally her Moms Bday too, so yeah score browny points for maybe a next visit! *cough* if I'm no loan sharks get me on the way back *cough* Things go well, as always photos are kinda misleading and she wasn't exactly how I pictured but hey at least she was close! Goes well, see each other for about 5-6 hours each of the two days I'm there, parents are kind enough to drop me off at the station so I can get home, nice folks! Boo Hoo leave all teary eyed but think it was worth it. Her experience seemed to be as good as mine, got some weird soap on a rope as my present for all the hard work, cool beans, oh well at least it was a present, horror horror about the next time!
So yeah we visit each other a few more times, about 15-20 times to be exact, I sell my PS2 and PS1 as well as my entire collection to fund the trips... Wait, hang on, I did WHAT?! *Collapse* Strike five is it.... Boy dude you're really crazy for this girl aren't you or is it just plain INSANITY!? Ill let you be the judge of that.... And no you CANT email me to give your verdict! :P So I'm getting kinda gatvol of all these 7hr bus trips up and down so lets leave my plans for getting a drivers license and 2 years of University Studies towards a better, brighter and sparkling career for this chick! YEAH strike SIX can you feel it, huh!? CAN YA?! *Ahem* So I do that, boy she must know I'm committed to her now, oh yeah can you hear wedding bells already hey? Wow, brilliant this is what Ive always wanted, loving family, nice in laws kids.... Oh wait she doesn't want those, well I can live without them! SIGH strike seven.... This batter just wont go down will he? Lets let him have it then!
Lesson 4: "The grass is NOT always greener"
Leave my studies, find a pretty good job and start saving for the move, POP before I know it I'm in HELL, crummiest most horrible place Ive ever seen. Feel that running over your leg when you sleep? Well believe me, keep your eyes closed it feels better than it LOOKS trust me! Luckily girl A gets me a little clock radio so I at least have something in my room. So I rough it, find a new job after a month or so, barely buys me anything but the rent but luckily a meal a day was included otherwise believe me I would have croaked! Actually was sneaking food out of the place I worked's fridge just so I could have something to eat, tried to keep track and pay it back later but that never happened, I wasn't proud of that but that company was hardly giving me a decent salary for the kind of admin I was doing anyways so I guess I made it up that way! :P
Lesson 5: "Don't steal!"
Anyways guess they twigged on because 6 months down the line I just get this call hey, guess what, you don't have a job tomorrow! No reason, nothing. Oh well.... Never fear, something will appear! Yeah DEPRESSION thats what! Well actually that was building up for a long time this just made my eyes start to twitch from how much of it I had by this time never mind the stress stress! :P God was looking out for me at least and I found a job just as the next month was up, much better pay, nicer environment, actually preferred it to my home! Girl A helps me get a TV which I pay back with interest like I always try do so score two browny points for her so far. Everything seems rosy now, only problem is I'm far from work now and thats costing me and arm and a leg, so lets go! Yay better place, OOPS very far from Girl A.... Oh well, she'll understand.
Lesson 6: "Never say...."
Well life's looking good now, nice job, nice place, nice chick *cough* that I had to beg to get a Christmas present from which finally came in January, box of chocolates on Christmas would have been great, I guess I should be grateful since she didnt buy any1 else in her family a present at all *cough* anyways so she sucks at presents I tried not to take it personally, but bells should be ringing shouldn't they? Na, everything's peachy except the fact that I have no1 else in my life, oh yeah, did I mention she was jealous and controlling? Didn't I oh well now I did, "You cant go see any1 else but me!" kinda jealous, boy should have seen the kind of trouble I got into when I was in her sisters room fixing her PC for her after her Dad asked me to, oh boy, "Yes Mam no mam sorry mam" well I loved her anyways, IDIOT! Think she did too? Hehe thats something Ill never know for sure.... So yeah, I'm lonely so I'm around her every minute I get, cant be any other way since I have this complex about seeing other ppl now, male or otherwise, but thats ok, it is, OK? Ok! Anyways, hear this FANTASTIC news, well not the best, but its good! one of my friends was coming up to PTA and might be staying!!! GREAT!!! Yeah except, well, I kinda never really liked him much, seemed like he was always hiding something and had a lot of creepy skeletons in the closet as well as personalities! :P But yeah, I'm so starved for company ILL TAKE IT! Sign me up for the whole bang LOT!!! And thats when I said it.... The phrase that no1 in their right mind must ever, and I mean EVER say, it WILL ruin your life! Don't believe me? Go on, say it, and mean it "Wow, You know what, I actually think I now have everything I've ever wanted!"Oh yeah?!
Booo Booo! You've won the Booby prize!!! What am I going on about? Well you see a week later I get this great sms, "I think we should break up"..... REWIND.... WHAT?! IS SHE SERIOUS?! WHATS GOING ON!? Everything was looking so much brighter and now THIS?! Call her up, practically dying on the phone and get her to come visit me the next day, phew, ok we can work this out "Must remain calm!"
Lesson 7: "If you invest in only one thing, you stand to loose everything"
So lets recap....
I gave up the following: My PS1, PS2, Studies and Drivers License as well as much more important things like Family and Friends as well as any decent contact with any1 else in the world besides Girl A to come to a town I hate and a job thats really nothing even close to what I pictured myself doing and hate going to everyday but it all kinda seems worth it to see Girl A, You know, I'm going to marry this one! Had plans and everything, was going to start saving for a holiday and a ring and everything for when she moved out....
And she sacrificed.... Um... well there was that um... no.... Yeah her time I guess, yeah time!
Boo boo!!! *Gulp* PANIC.... "Must remain calm!"
Remember Lesson 1?
So we see each other, have a good time, things seem good again. BAM! Sms, "No things just aren't the same anymore" WHAT!? Phone her, put the phone down on me, OUCH that was a BIG ouch, that hurt MUCH more than the one on the first page! So after many hang ups I get through and arrange to see her the following day after work, take off work(Sacrificed so many work hours during that time it took me weeks to catch up) and ZOOM I'm there, she's sad, ok i can cheer her up, try and get whats going on out of her.... Nothing.... Hey, wait she's better! Yes you are the man, you know EXACTLY how to cheer her up don't you! WRONG! Remember the lies at the top? Well she's very good at that, VERY! Should have stopped at strike three I told ja! Anyways just about ready to leave for home, she gets all sad and POP, "I cant stop thinking about your 'friend' that came up, I have feelings for him." OMG OMG OMG!!!
Lesson 8: "Lesson 6: Don't EVER say it OK?!"
Queue song, "Its the end of the world as you know it.... And I feel fine...." WHAT feel fine?! Are you freaking NUTS?! Told ya you must NEVER say that phrase! *STOP*
So its obvious to me now, looking in retrospect, that she was cheating on me for quite some time, maybe not physically, but emotionally. I mean I knew nothing about her problems and everything seemed peachy, I shared my problems with her and hey, who else could I share with anyways huh? So yeah, she was probably like all "oh no my Bf this and my Bf that and he is so horrible" to this guy and he's like "Don't worry darling, I'll be better than that for you just hang on" Instead of just saying to me "You know, you upset me when you said so and so" or " Would you mind if you didn't say or do so and so again, I don't enjoy it" I mean after four years, yes its four years now! You don't just jump from one to the next 'hot' ride that comes along, I mean if you value your reputation and you don't actually WANT people to start thinking that about you, you don't do this sort of thing! Four years should be an investment, something you treasure, something you've worked at not just some heap of trash you are hording till you move house and leave some1 else to pick up the pieces.... So yeah, I jumped off the roof of my work building.... No well I'm alive so I couldn't have, but this last bit really killed me and if it wasn't 2am at night and being dead tired from crying, yeah CRYING to hell with that be a MAN bull, I would have jumped! 2am... Alone... Girl A's phone is off because she "Doesn't want to be stressed right now during her exams", on my last two legs I try and phone her on her home phone, just to have some1 to talk to that I haven't been out of touch with for 2 years.... To my horror, the numbers deleted.... Her sister? Deleted! Her Mom, DAD?! Also.... When I came over that night she deleted all contacts without me knowing, probably planning to tell me the next morning she had feelings for my 'friend' as I got on the bus for home.... My word.... What a.... shock.... That my friends was the lowest I have ever felt in my entire 24 years of existence, if I had a gun, brain jam would be decorating the roof in split seconds.... Thank goodness for sleep, but I still stayed up till 4am writing a suicide note to everyone I knew and to the ppl at work too, thats how committed I was to doing it the next morning.
Lesson 9: "Sleep is good!"
Well I didn't get much sleep thats for sure, tossing and turning, my body pumping adrenaline for about 2-3 days now non-stop feeling sick everyday. I walk to work early, leave my things with a carefully placed note in my lunch bag and go upstairs.... Look to make sure no cars are under me.... Remember the position I must run for.... line up.... Wobbly legs.... Start crying.... WHAT?! Oh boy what a lame ending this is going to be!
Yeah so I chicken out but take a good hour making sure I can't actually do it, ppl at work start don't realize and thought I was just really busy but I break down and say I need a week off badly. I go out for a while but I realize I left my wallet in my lunch bag so no1 could steal it on my splattered corpse and come back for it to find the ppl at work reading it! Horror, horror.... Lets just say those few days went by VERY slowly and awkwardly. Girl A finally turns her phone on and has the cheek to say that it was my fault for writing it in the first place so no compassion there as well as just ignoring the must be 15 smses I sent during my crisis. Wow, what did I do to deserve this again?! Oh yeah, lesson 3, never give too much of yourself, should have stopped there! Bad boy!
Well my Doc said I should be in hospital now, or a crazy factory but luckily I don't have medical so I'm loose on the streets to cause havoc! So ladies and gentlemen, if you have a story to tell please say it, but for goodness sake.... Don't ever make you life a story like mine!
Lesson 10: "Try to make lemonade out of lemons, the Lord knows I'm still trying!"
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