After a few years of furious online shooter matches, Ive recently come to find out that Im an addict. I always knew I liked spending time pwning noobs, but never really could see just how screwed up I was until I was informed by the American Medical Association that i was about to be catagorized as an addict, with full on addict priveleges.I am? HOORAY! In time, I will be able to use a whole new crutch to limp down the back alleys of life with, and I gotta say, I cant wait!

If things go as planned, the American Psychiatric Assosiation will have posted video game addiction in its prestigious Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders in its next printing in 2012. At that point Ill be up all night gaming my powerful yet agile thumbs off, and using my dashing middle finger to tell my boss that I was late for work the next day because of my serious medical condition. When he decides that my amazing gaming skills are interfering with my work, and that he's got to fire me, Ill take my my incredible kill/death ratio straight to my lawyer (whose win/loss ration is almost as impressive as mine). Ill spend a few months in gaming rehab, and my newly aquired lawsuit winnings on a killer Mater Chief replica helmet, and a resonably priced small sedan (little Civic action for yours truly). Hell, I might even spend the rest of my life on disability eating frozen pizza, and talking to my mother on the phone every few days!

Man, things are really looking up for the Tampwner. All those hours spent on Timesplitters: Future Perfect were just the beginning of a long, lucrative, journey through the realm of mental disorders. Now, if i could convince the courts that my Wii-mote gave me hand cancer, id be set for life.