Damn kids nowadays, get everything so damn easy. I see the little bastards talking on their "cellphones" driving their "cars" wearing "clothes."

Back in my day....

When school rolled around we had TWO outfits. A dirty plain cotton shirt and acid washed jeans, and the alternative: A gray jump-suit covered in fecal matter.

When school rolled around we had to walk 20 miles uphill (in the goddamn snow) to get to school, then another 30 miles up-hill to get home.

We also kept our opinions to ourselves or we were threatened with castration and we did all of our philozophahizing on the crapper (see bucket).

When we got home we'd release our urine and feces into a bucket that was chucked out once a month. We didn't have these "toilets".

We had to eat whatever we could find paint, wallpaper, twigs, dumpster babies. Anything.

Then we'd have to do our homework in tears or other bodily fluids since pens were not in existence.

Once that was finished, we'd get beaten by our alcoholic fathers 'til we had to go work at the Steel Mill.

Once it was 5:00 PM we had to walk another 12 miles (UPHILL, again I should mention.) After we finished our long grueling day at the Steel Mill we'd have to walk yet again 38 miles downhill to get home, most of the time we'd be attacked by pirates. Stealing our worthless possessions.

When the weekends finally rolled around, we didn't go outside and "play" or "socialize". Hell, we didn't even have internets for the socially-inept. Instead, we took sticks that we lit on fire and hunted imaginary alligators in silence.

Wanted to talk to someone? We didn't have telephones or e-mail. You'd have to go hunting for them in the post-apocalyptic barrens or use the primitive mail delivery system (1 mile = 1 week to arrive). For a letter, you'd have to cut yourself and write in blood onto a piece of used toiletry. Then walk 5 miles in blistering sun where you'd be put through a series of trials to see if your message was worthy of delivery. If it wasn't you'd be thrown outside of the safety zone and would most likely be consumed by the living dead.

The years rolled by and technology began to advance, like when the internet was finally summoned into this plane of life. It was much different however, you didn't get to stream pr0nz at lightning speed. No sir, you had to wait ONE HOUR for a single picture to finish downloading. We also didn't fap with lotion or baby oil, we used tree sap.

Social networking sites didn't exist, and the complete opposites didn't exist either. The only game we had was Starcraft and when Starcraft's expansion was released it was heaven-on-earth.

You'd have to consume a child in order to ask the gods to not have a phone call (yes, telephones were finally invented now) that would disconnect you during your 2 1/2 hour epic battle.

Of course, these luxuries were only available if you were rich. The middle-classed and poorer children had to either work double-over-triple-time-graveyard-shifts at the Steel Mill or get into prostitution to fuel your addiction.

Tomorrow, we shall go over the Cyberpunk-post-apocalyptic-dystopia that I once called home.