Oh if only I had a girlfriend for every time I abused alliteration. Hello and welcome to the what I am calling . . . ahem, drum roll please . . . The Most Awesome Blog No One Will Ever Read, or TMABNOWER. It is entirely likely no one will ever read this and these writings and they will seemly dissipate into the trillions upon billions of writings on the World Wide Web. But alas, my clinical psychologist is a Surfing Bird and the word is optimism, so instead I say, thank you, cherished reader, and I shake your hand, consciously waiting a whole three seconds before wiping my own on my pantsleg. So if the word is optimism, then what's the phrase? Well today the phrase is SONIC THE MOTHER-F*****G HEDGEHOG. Is a backstory required? No, but I'll give one anyway because as I'm sure my english teacher would have said, it helps the responder identify with the composer (finger goes in throat). Well I can't be certain, but I remain quite sure that Sonic The Hedgehog 2 was the first game I ever played, and I bet you can't guess where. Honestly take a stab. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . My grandparents' house. If you got that right then congratulations, you have a huge penis Enormous wangs aside though, my grandparents had my cousins old Sega Mega Drive complete with Sonic 1, 2, 3 and Sonic and Knuckles, along with other games. That meant anytime we visited them you could guess exactly where I would be parked, night or day. Fast forward to about a week ago, "OH MY GOD, SEGA SALE ON XBOX LIVE, ALL THE ORIGINAL SONICS NOT EVEN 800 MS POINTS, TIME TO MASTURBATE." Well orgasms were had, money was spent, downloads were downloaded, and games were played. And playing the original Sonics again I was stunned because . . . They were still good, and still fun, and still awesome. A few years back when Banjo-Kazooie And Tooie were released on Live (also large games of my childhood, another story, another day) I eagerly played them only to find they were not as good as the nostalgic kid inside me remembered them to be. It was then I decided that, other than music, nothing on earth could be "timeless." Timeless suggests an eternal appeal that will always bring enjoyment no matter the era or culture, and I don't think anyone born in this decade now is going to pick up Megaman and receive enjoyment from having their anus viscously penetrated by Metalman's circular saws, excuse the imagery. That was my belief but playing the Sonics again was just great fun, more fun than I had playing my last retail game (Borderlands), a game seemingly, considered to be above average by most critics. Occasionaly the level design would be cheap or Sonic's slow build-up would be annoying but it was still just . . . Good, clean, sexy fun. I guess that's why people, myself included, don't call for an end to his franchise despite its sheer magnitude of suckage of late. The still remaining overwhelming awesomeness of even just those four games means we sit by idly, sceptical, but nevertheless unwittingly hopeful that Sonic will rise from the ashes once more and streak across the sky leaving a pattern of sparkling blue stars in his wake. That said though I don't think its about going back to its roots, or not doing 3D, or whatever else. I think a realization is needed that Sonic is not loved for Sonic the character but instead for Sonic the game. Sonic is about getting from point A to point B with as much fun packed in between as. No complex characters or relationships needed nor techniques like subtlety or pacing, just smooth and silky fun. Also a pokemon style game where Sonic characters replace the pokemon would be cool. To surmise, Sonic may you shine on you crazy diamond. Little known fact, that song is actually written about him.