This realization hurts just as bad as anything I've felt in a long time. I feel like I must give up most everything to get where I want to be in my life. It really shouldn't feel like this, but for some reason it does...

I don't want to be like the rest of you. Not to be condescending (not on purpose anyway), but that really is how I feel. I don't want the difference between the rest of the world and myself to be the way I wear my jeans or that funny little thing I do when whatever happens. I want it to be in my name. I want it to be in my work. I want it to be something more.

Wow. That really looks horrible typed out. I feel bad but do not apologize. The fact is that I feel like I am falling short of my goals in life and I really can't take it anymore. I've crept my way through school, making excuses and taking the long way around the mountain while people who started after me have gone on to what fulfills them. I can't take that. Not at all.

I started writing this because doing that helps me figure out what is going on inside my head. I think it should stay and I think I will post it... for me.