My mind has simply not been working right recently.

I hesitate to even write about this stuff, because I feel like people are going to be disappointed or something.  I imagine I am being exceedingly hard to buy for this year, unless people noticed that I'm being rather unstable and are mainly doing cash like I suggested.  Anyway, first things first.

I'm kind of down on myself this week because I let myself gain a bunch of weight again.  It's not like I don't know how this happens, I just do it anyway.  So this past month, I basically replaced my Slim-Fast plan with a Fast-Food plan, and I'm feeling the effects.  I just need to be good to myself instead of just doing what *feels* good at the time.  I'm making it a point to change my commitment to health *NOW* rather than here in a couple weeks, after the holiday, because I think New Year's Resolutions are trite and meaningless and I refuse to make one if for no other reason than that I can tell people I didn't make one when they ask.

After a few visits out to the 'real world' where all the rude and stupid people live, I am already having second thoughts about the whole M:TG "2-player game" deal again.  It's not like I actually spent any money on it yet, so maybe I came to my senses in time to head off any damage.  It's just that the more I think about it, the more I think I don't want to give other people that much power over whether I enjoy myself or not.  I've probably spent too much time over the years giving my power away as it is.  If I play and my opponent is a bad sport, then I didn't enjoy myself.  If I want to play and can't pick up a game, then I didn't enjoy myself.  Why would I choose that?  Meanwhile, I don't really remember why I stopped doing Transformers at all, except that I was spending so much money at Harrah's there for a while that I couldn't afford them and still buy Okami.

I just need to take a step back.  Let's rewind a month and see where we were.... oh yes, Okami, Final Fantasy, Transformers, XBox 360.... that wasn't such a bad time.  Let's just try the whole thing over again; this time, I'm going to eat healthier and start exercising, and stick with the things I know I can enjoy instead of glamourizing things that I know haven't been all I wanted them to be in the past.

I do hope that I haven't disappointed everyone by overhauling the Christmas List again; this isn't a good time of year for me to be such a mess, I know.  I really am working on it, though.  And it's not like I won't know it's my fault if I get a gift that was from one or two 'episodes' ago; all I really want for Christmas is my family, who I mostly trust to approve of me no matter what, anyway.  I'll be OK, I promise!