I don't know why, Lately, for the past 2 days or so I've been in an nerve racking worry and fear about death, you know fear of crying kind, And its ticking me off, I'm getting mad, cause i can't seem to get past the feeling of worry and fear of my own death.

Its not a specific thought, its just the emotion thats attacking me, And making me so mad, I want to cry, but i don't when i start it ends all most immediately, And I'm sick of not just crying for a few hours to get it out of my system, the tears wont come, even when they are on the verge of it all.

My mom thinks that maybe deep down, I had a hope my dad would get better, but now that all his stuff is back, that hope disappeared and now my strength is falling in on it self, and im falling apart.

Its such a sad thing, I'm listening to Cold Play right now, And I want to cry, but the tears don't come, I break down and cry for only for a minute, then its gone, and I just feel sick cause of worry and fear, I don't fear my dads death but my own, I fear the unknown right now, I just can't shake it, If i was Christian maybe praying would help, but reading the bible wont help me much.

I just wish I could shake this feeling, this fear, this worry, its not supposed to be there, im 22 years old, i have a long time left on this earth, I should enjoy it, But the worry, and fear is so much, im all most paralyzed from going outside, I have to go to work tomorrow, I don't know If I'm gonna make it. cause im so damn scared. I try every thing to stop thinking about it, but its all ways there.

Im not sure if ill go to work tomorrow, the fear is so much that i shake. But i can't cry, I get sad, but i don't cry, and its annoying, I just want to cry, I want to let it all out, but whenever I try it never happens.

My dad is dieing, the government is screwing us over, the world is a cruel place, I can't believe in a god, cause I can't believe he'd let this happen to people. and I despair, Over things that I can't control.

Am I insane? Am I loosing grips, am I going into a depression, I just don't Know, Please let me cry I just want to cry...but..it never comes.