Oh the shock and/or horror of it all. The most antisocial medium of all time, the Internet, and yet I'm convivial. I gazed with bemusement as I saw my lovely puke coloured neighbourly moth metamorphose into two claret chromaticificated butterflies. How did that happen? Generally I'm the reclusive genius that everyone knows is right but are too afraid to associate themselves with someone such as myself. Not so much a change in my personality as a corruption of values. I now see every friend request I get as "I don't know you but I want my journal advertised on yours." Bah, says I.

If you're unfamiliar with the grandiose spectacle of reasons why some people should be born without opinions, or at least a means of expressing them, System Wars, the title may have confused you *laughs* It's a general term used meaning "The *insert group here* Have Been Owned", even though ownage or even pwnage haven't been prevalent on this site since the 50's. What does the E stand for? Why, Europeans of course!! Yes, although Europe has been owned in the gaming industry since before the EU was even formed, this is just the latest on the proverbial conveyor belt or derision that's wheeled out from the US. It's news older than someone's last menstrual cycle, but I haven't made an entry (entry, haha) since before it was announced, hence it goes here.

On the 3rd of this month (February, dimwits) gaming industry magnate Sony finally took the Americans off their tenter hooks by confirming both a price and release date for the almost-as-anticipated-as-much-as-a-prostitute's-next-dose-of-crack PSP. I read the headline "PSP price and release date confirmed" with girlish glee, and immediately went to it to find out how much I would gladly hand over for it, and when. And then, the old familiar sting of the "for the US only" suffix. No mention of Europe anywhere, implying a probably much later release and much higher price. My initial shock and disappointment was left with the wry realisation that Europe was still a festering multi lingual cesspit of second class citizens in the eyes of the gaming world. The PS2 for example. Half the amount of units that were shipped in the US, one month after the US, and with MORE bugs than the US (even though they had a month to address them).

Their "reasons" for this? Unit shortages. UNIT SHORTAGES. They actually have the gall to still expect me to swallow that.

Here's the real reason(s). The DS has been out in the US since November, so Sony have had time to analyze the unit's floppage, sorry, sales, and priced [the PSP] accordingly. Whereas here in Europe, the DS isn't out until 11th March. So Sony are actually going to wait until then at the earliest to grace me with any details. I mean, God forbid that they undercharge me, right? Think about it, if a "unit shortage" was the actual problem, then of course the release date would be put back, but the price would be set, surely. Anyway, the US price is $249, which translates into about €185, but due to Ireland being, well, Ireland, I'm currently guessing of a price tag of about €400 - €500 ($650).

In the meantime, units destined for the European launch are given to America. "There's too many languages in Europe" complains one Sony exec. Great, so that makes you what, lazy or just racist? No no, there's an SCE branch in every EU country, so I don't believe translating is as big a deal as they're making out. Ireland and England both speak English and have the largest amount of gamers in the Union, why not include them in US launches? Oh but I forgot, whereas Europeans are second class citizens in the eyes of the gaming world, the Irish are second class citizens in the eyes of Europeans. Every other country gets the lion's share of whatever technological paraphernalia that come here and Ireland get thrown the scraps of whatever isn't sold. Beautiful.

And yet I still want a PSP more than Gary Glitter wants his credibility back (if indeed he had any to begin with). It's beautiful, innovative, great games, great features, much promise being shown in the line of upgrades and accessories. But that doesn't stop my unbridled hatred of Sony. Speaking of which, I still haven't given into temptation;

Yep, there it is, still as wrapped in plastic as Laura Palmer (TKHBO), next to a REAL game, whose case I've left open.

I have more to complain about, but I'll leave you all to chew on my banquet of eloquence, you ingrates. Or should that be ingrate, as my original reader no longer reads this :( I do have one reader, apparently. But it's probably just me.

Schillinger

Oh yes, you all read (excluding the blind, who can't read. I don't think they make braille monitors yet. Why's a blind person on a gaming site? Go away!) that one right, FOUR!!!!

Some of my fans, both of you, may have noticed a slight lack in you reading about what a real person does, you sunlight deprived acne magnets you, so I've decided to sedate said masses with another entry (entry, ha), and this time it's all about how fate went out of its way to ruin Christmas for me! Forget tsunamis, this is real tragedy. I wholeheartedly shift the blame to someone undeserving for that last bit.

But back to the reason you're all alive, me. As probably the only bit of gaming related diary-dom, my PS2's CD drive somehow was reborn just before Christmas! How filled with glee I was, until Fopah no. 3... Read on...

Fopah No.1

It started around December 21st, this cataclysmic cacophony of Chris Crinkle concomitant chaos. My beloved father decided to get a cold for about two weeks and not go to the doctor. Yes father, lying in bed skulling whiskey all day's a sure fire cure *overly enthusiastic thumbs up* Unbelievably, it wasn't! And he very generously gave me said cold. Also, I'd been walking around the minus whatever degree weather with an open jacket because style never goes out of fashion, and that gave me a sore throat. Getting this with the cold added up to also give me pharyngitis (sp?), which is some throat infection. The mucus from my cold was going to my chest too, which was starting to reacquaint me with my good friend asthma, but the doctor said if I coughed too much my throat would hemorrhage and I'd die. Good stuff. Here's a scientific explanation (the last one on the right is my shrivelled lungs).

Fopah No.2

So, I got said illnesses on the 21st, and through some sort of Christmas miracle, I was cured on Christmas Eve!! No wait, I kept the illness all through Christmas, but miraculously, the day before work, it cleared up! Great, so no Christmas holidays (unless struggling to breathe and vomiting a very festive red & green mixture is your idea of one) and no sick days :evil:

Fopah No.3

Lying in bed, bringing up a cardboard-esque miasma of colour, one would need some entertainment to keep sane, or insane. With my family too disgusted to spend time with me (they were all better by Christmas, woo) I planned on becoming fat on the hideous, hideous Christmas TV schedule, or at least put my wandering hands to good use with my PS2, before I went blind :roll: But NO, fate had a much better festive treat for me. As I turned on the TV to see the archetypal "Let's forget Dad's an alcoholic, mom's a crackhead, teenage daughter's pregnant and pseudo goth son is on drugs/ dead/ on drugs and dead" family staring accusatorily at me, I heard a crackle, the screen went black, and the thing started making a constant droning noise, akin to an obese person's "nobody's listening" fart. Oh joy, my TV died on Christmas Day.

Fopah No.4

So, following fopah no. 3 was the quest to find a new TV! With my Christmas money spent on me trying to live through the damn holiday, I had not a lot of brass in pocket, as they say. So I ended up going to the place where people are afraid to go because of A) scary foreigners that scream "HEGH LOW BIE TEENGS!!!"(hello, buy things to you and me) and B) the dignity shredding experience that comes from shopping off a place probably run by child labour. No, second rate child labour. Like the amputees and stuff. So I bought a Philips 28", and a TV too. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA <.< >.> yeah, joke... Anywho, the way my old TV and VCR was set up was;

I think that's clear enough. So I just cut the plug off the new TV, wired it into the box thing and turned it on. *static* *static* *static* *turns itself off* This repeated for the rest of the day. Then and only then did I look at the warranty; "Do not under any circumstances remove the plug from this product, your warranty will be void" Oh great. I thought "Oh well, I'll just reattach the plug." But NO, it was one of those moulded plugs, that can't be interfered with at all. Woo. Hoo. Luckily I have no qualms about deceiving people, especially foreigners, so I took the plug (not moulded) off my lamp, attached it to the TV and brought it back. Thankfully they didn't bother checking and just gave me a replacement!And so ends my Christmas jaunt, and your joy until I post once more! I'll be highly amused if anyone's made it down this far though. To think, I actually got COMPLIMENTED on this!! That means somebody other than coderaspberry (who just reads out of pity, bless him) actually read something of mine! I'm honoured. I mean he is. Yeah. How's GTA going? It's still in plastic!!! God bless Dynasty Warriors 4: Empires.

I'm going now, you're all very welcome for the above post! Hope you didn't have to look up too many of my big words, although I am most peoples' only source of eduction. Ejoy being inferior to me, and thank you again for reading. Adieu!

Schillinger

Hello everyone, all one of you. I discovered CSI: Miami for the PC in a games shop, and wondered whether to get it or not. But there's no reviews of it anywhere (except a semi-literate reader's review; "de shows gud, i am game")! Everyone's too busy creaming themselves over Wow, EQ, and Half Life's mediocre, desperation release to help Horatio solve the crime. I've spent some of today post whoring to get to level 6, but I'm still only on 99%. Bah. At least Gamespot had the common sense to award me with a Good Taste emblem at last.

But such otherwise monumental victories are overshadowed and made hollow by the fact that my PS2 died. Not so much died, as became senile. Or something. As I said before, I was having problems with my beloved Evil Zone, and was about to return it when I decided for no apparent reason to try my other PS1 games. Tekken 1-3, Soul Reaver et al didn't work, so I cancelled my return and rang Sony, seething. I had a horrid being on the other line, if anyone's seen the Family Guy episode with the Pinchley's, imagine Eliza in a few years. She asked me if I'd any blue PS2 games (the early ones were all brought out on CD which is what made the PS2 sound as though it was about to go into orbit), which I did, Tekken Tag. I tried that, and to my horror I got the now familiar "Disc read error.". So she nonchalantly informed me;

"Ah, your CD drive is broken, that means you can't play Audio CDs, PS1 games or early PS2 games anymore."

(Me, too lazy to find an unhappy phone smiley) "And Sony will do what to rectify this?"

"Nothing, your warranty is expired."

*random exclamatory* So this is the thanks I get. I pay IR£380 ($612 approx.) the day the PS2 comes out, only for Sony to inform me that I don't matter. How selfish of me! We should get special treatment. Not like the Johnny-Come-Lately-General-n00b-Public that get it a week, nay a MONTH after its release. Actually, this isn't the first time Sony screwed me over. As I said, I got the PS2 the day it came out, 4 years and 5 days ago I think. I played it all day Friday and worked Saturday. When I came home, anticipation oozing out of every orifice, I pressed the binary button at the back. No red light. I rang Sony (I wonder was it the same woman?) and was informed "Yeah, the first batch is usually the glitchy one." Thanks. Rather than them take it back and give me a new one immediately, I had to go back to the shop I got it in, and wait nearly a month for a replacement, the one that recently went senile. What did I do for the month? Same thing I did in between the time I sold my PS1 in September to get money for November; played my beloved, never repaired once MegaDrive (Genesis to you people). Sony and their shoddy lenses and customer service. I have a good mind to become an XBoy after this debacle. At least they have an online gaming system that works, better graphics and DOAXBV. Sigh.

For the time being, I'll stick to playing my PS2 games, if they decide to work. I always have Rise of Nations to turn to as well. Although, I did get a PS1 emulator, so I can technically still play them. But it's not the same!!

However, as destitute as I get, this will remain as it is;

Until I have something more depressing to write...

Argh. I just pressed Tab instead of Caps Lock, pressed backspace and killed my entire, finished post. Life is good.

So instead of demanding a new copy of Evil Zone, it seems I need a new PS2. I tried it in my friends horrible, vertical console and it detected and ran it 5 times in a row. Something needed to be bludgeoned. I don't want a new PS2, the PS3 will be out soon enough to not get sufficient enjoyment out of a new console. Besides, the "classic" PS2s aren't on sale any more, and I hate those new, ugly, "Oops, we forgot the drive bay. Oh well." PS2s. I probably won't be able to afford one either, as I need a new phone and PSP, whenever they remember Europe exists.

So the solution seems obvious. Tell them it still isn't working and demand a new copy and hope that it works. Oh Erel, why couldn't more people have bought you? Sigh.

But I digress. A while ago I sold out every respectable gamer (although I think that's an oxymoron) and bought GTA. Don't worry, I just bought it as some sort of silent protest against all the "gamers" that think it's "revolutionary" or "kewl". Death to them. As I mentioned before, Ireland gets the crumbs (if even) of the veritable loaf that is European game distribution, so there was somewhat of a GTA famine for a while as we were getting something like 1,000 a week. There was one copy left in this particular shop, and in front of it stood a horrible looking type, deliberating over whether to get the latest yellow Lacoste pullover or "one of those new fangled game things", so before he could finish I yoinked it and took it up to the counter. Spite-tastic!

I've never been a big fan of the GTA series by any stretch of the imagination, as I said this was a spite based purchase. GTA 3 was alright, Vice City was mediocre at best. San Andreas never got me in a lather unlike most people because:

a) I've never been a fan of Boyz in da Hood, rap music, or the gang culture phenomenon in general.

b) They're using the same engine as was in 3 & Vice City, they just sanded down some animation and moved the camera closer to make it look better. Admittedly they tossed in some RPG-esque elements, but that can't carry a whole game.

c) Modern gang culture, maybe. Early 90's gang culture? Go away and die in a barrel of vomit. Perhaps in the States this game would be understood and appreciated better, but no one in Europe cared about whatever plight happened in LA around that time. Media coverage over here about the goings on of gang bangers was a nonentity at best, so already the game's potential overseas has gone way down (didn't stop it selling by the pseudo-gamer-load though).

What's with Rockstar's obsession of making a game not set in the now? This is why I hated Vice City (besides the abhorrent, obese-person's-sense-of-self-loathing sized missed opportunity of a soundtrack and the fact that the graphics seemed to get worse), when will people realise IT'S TOO EARLY TO MAKE EIGHTIES PARODIES? Eh? When? This is why That Eighties Show didn't work. We know what the 80s were like, we're hardly out of them! Another 10 years, that decade will ripen. Just leave it until then please.

Due to the fact that I don't want to play the game, that I'm still engrossed with Dynasty Warriors 4: Empires, that I'm almost playing Evil Zone, and that I have to watch Yu Gi Oh! and various Australian soaps every night, it's still in the plastic!! I know some of you nay-sayers may not believe me, so from now until I do open it (if I do) I'll cap it and put a time and date stamp on.

I tried to capture the unmistakable sheen of light on plastic, as the cases shine without it anyway. Just above the Rockstar logo is a little strip you use to tear the plastic with. PROOF, that it's unopened! If you'll notice the date on the receipt you'll see that it's been unopened for 12 days.

Thanks for reading, even though I know you just read this line and "Argh. I just pressed Tab instead of Caps Lock..." you bloody ingrate.

Goody gumdrops. No wait, here's a prologue!

I'm currently domiciled in Ireland against my will, and have been for the last 19 years. Ireland, although we have the largest per capita distribution of PS2s ("What? You drunks have electricity?!" I hear you all scream in unison) we still get the brown end of the toilet brush when it comes to game distribution. Basically every country in the EU feasts upon the games that arrive here, then we get to feed off whatever scraps are left. To say I'm tired of it would be as big an understatement as to say "Gamespot is an OK site" *coughfreecompletemembershipcough* But I'll soldier on for now. I'm sure there's a lot more to say about my plebeian existence, but I'll leave that to the 74 or so other blogs I have. Now! Gaming ONWARD!!!

As I sarcastically began above, for those of you that have forgotten or are incapable or eyeball movement;

Goody gumdropsSchillinger

Yes, a wry comment referring to the fact that after 5 years of waiting, I finally got Evil Zone (PS1)! I played a demo of it years ago, and it was love at first badly dubbed unnecessarily large explosion. As I said above, I'm a famine-stricken Mick, and seeing as Evil Zone (Eretzvaju as it's less known) isn't part of the MGS, GTA, GT or Mario franchises it wasn't released here. It was released in England of course. Shipped from America, whose planes always seem to bypass us (unless they're carrying soldiers to Iraq. WOAH!! Scathing). But now it's been discontinued or something and there's only 3 copies left, courtesy of Amazon. I got a copy after finally, and foolishly, being accepted for a credit card. The case broke in the post, but even that couldn't dull the bizarre and unfamiliar sense of "hap-pin-ess"?

I played it once and it was liquid gaming (I think that's a compliment). But when I came back to play it some more later, all I got was the dreaded "Disc read error." message about 20 times. It was a brand new disc!!! I tried all my PS1 games and they all worked fine, it seems that fate had once again conspired against me to quench what little joy Keiya & Co. had brought to me. Just as I had made plans for a sledgehammer to replace my Emotion Engine, the icon for a PS1 disc appeared!! I actually felt HOPEFUL, God help me. So I selected it, and there was nothing but eternal darkness. Not the mediocre Gamecube title, just darkness. That was eternal. I informed Amazon, and I'm waiting on a reply for the last 2 days. I'm none to happy, as I paid as much as I pay for PS2 games for it!

And so ends my fun filled quadrant of the week. Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. If so, you'll have gouged your eyes out with your dignity.

Adieu!