I walked once because I didn't have a car.  I walked in my dress shoes over sixteen miles, and before I was even halfway to my destination, my feet ached, my legs burned, and I thirsted.  It hurt.  But I didn't wish for a car to drive, nor even a ride from a stranger.  A bike.  I wished I could pedal a regular bicycle to ease my travels.  And it struck me: a bike wasn't the best thing I could have asked for.  A car would have been much better, but I only wanted the next best thing I could think of.  That's when another thought hit me: If I'd had a bike, I'd have asked for a car.  Given a car, I'd have wanted a better car.  We're humans.  This is what we do.

At this point, I became content with my discomfort.  I was grateful to have feet.

Seventeen days.  Is that enough time to remember what matters and what doesn't?  It is time enough for re-sorting priorities and achieving balance?  Can a person get so far in so little time?  Given the right circumstances (or wrong ones, depending), your priorities will re-sort themselves.  Instantly.  Ever seen the Saw movies?

Seventeen days is more than enough time to remember what matters and what doesn't.  It's more than any of us needs.  Regret can be a powerful thing.  Pay attention to your attitude about following the rules the next time you get pulled over for speeding if you think anything different.

You never know what you have until it's gone, do you?  This is a human thing.  Once we have what we want, we stop pursuing it.  When that happens, we slowly stop appreciating it (i.e. we want most only what we don't have).  We might say we are grateful for what we have, but at some point we forget to stop and breathe; to slow down and absorb; to bask in the glow of having what we we've strived to obtain for so long.

The not-so funny thing is, this is something I've realized for a very long time not just about humans, but about myself.  This would imply that I might have an edge over the next guy (the guy who doesn't know how to appreciate the little things), but somehow, the natural inclination to not be satisfied blinded me.  I'm re-learning something I've known for a long time: to appreciate and to cherish.  And, as usual, it's taken a severe, heavy blow to see the light again.  Figures.

My current situation demands that I pick up what remains of my life and move forward; to not dwell on what it is too late to change.  So there it is.  Am I back?  A little.  I'll get back on this business of moderating the forums again.  My leave of absence cost me my officer position in the CCU, but if it's that easy to let me go, it's probably for the best.  And the DSU?  I'll get back into that sooner or later, but "later" is the safest bet.

Thanks to everyone for your support after reading my last blog entry seventeen days ago.  If you want to know what, exactly, is going on, um. . . too bad.  If I haven't told you anything specific, I'm probably not going to.  So don't ask.  However, I've posted a whole two blog entries on MySpace, so perhaps you can pick up tidbits over there.  For now, don't expect much out of me.  I'm still not going to be posting often, and I won't be participating in much of anything outside of moderating the boards from time to time--at least for a little while.  I imagine I'll eventually want to get knee-deep in things again like before, but not now.  One step at a time, you know?

Gotta keep that focus and all.