In Part 1 of "problems", I discussed the very real and very scary problem that we were slowly being turned into Michael Jackson lovers by Square-Enix. As promised, in this episode, I shall inform you all of how to prevent this from coming to pass.

I hope you've been writing letters. Because that's only the first step. We've fired off the warning shots with the accusing letters. Sadly, that will not be enough. It will never be enough. No, we need a plan of action.

So far, the best idea I've come up with is to train a small group of people dedicated to the cause to form a small unit that will head a rebellion against the great evil that is being brought into the gaming world. You see, there are reactors all around the Square-Enix HQ. These generators, though great in the idea that they generate the great games that Square-Enix publishes, suck the creativity out of the planet. Some American authors, in fact, have really been struck hard by this drainage. Soon afterwards, one wrote the Harry Potter series, and the other wrote Eragon.

Now then, in order to stop the drainage of any creativity with main characters, we must destroy these generators. The preferred method is to use a bomb, but dropping it from a plane just wouldn't cut it. Everyone knows you have to do it on foot, killing guards along the way with a sword (or other weapon) that's at least 1.5x your hieght. It should only take a few years to become trained to lift the thing above your head. Once you finish training, you must find a group of equally strange and quirky friends (A silent female, a male who is overly zealous about going in and accomplishing a mission, and some random creature in the woods or a lab experiment are the preferred groups). Someone must die in the process of getting out of the reactor. Preferably, the lab experiment guy. He's probably gone goth or emo anyways because no one understands who he is or what he's going through. Just...whatever you do, DON'T read his poetry journal.

Once creativity flow has been restored, you must understand that the damage will only be undone for that company. The aftershock will be enormous, and other companies will be scarred for eternity (See the makers of the Dynasty Warriors series). This is not good; if things have already turned ugly, it may take several years for the gaming industry to recover.

If you don't believe that things are in a downwards spiral, just look at recent Wii games. Honestly; Samba de Amigo? How is a dancing, Spanish monkey entertaining? More importantly, what were the creators smoking when they made that game? Which brings me to my next point: Game makers should be completely sober and drug-free.

Why? Take a look at any game. Notice that very few get perfect 10's these days? Do you know why that is? Obviously, some moron in the development thought that it would funny if the camera, controls, or gameplay was terrible. It would also be funny, they thought, for them to add in frustrating features or mini-games that make the user want to take an axe to their entertainment console. That's why the console producing companies don't complain; console sales spike when so many are getting axed. The warranty doesn't cover going psycho with an axe. Even the testers are in on making the games lame. Think about it; if you've made a game that's insanely boring or obnoxious, and you sent it to the testers, they're obviously going to encounter the same frustrations as everyone else. Funny how the flagrant flaws don't get pointed out by the testers, but the reviewers at sites like these instantly groan and say, "Not again..."

But back to the plan of prevention. If we are to stop this from ever occuring, then we must be ruthless. This means spamming them with telemarketing calls until they give into our demands. More letters. And if all else fails, we call back the strike team that planted the bombs on the reactors. They'll come in on an F-16 (since they're farther in their life's storyline by then), fully equipped to blow the entire facility to smithereens, but since the pilot doesn't believe in using that weaponry, they will land conveniently (for them) outside the HQ in their one weak point in the defenses. The plan will be viewed with extreme skepticism until it "miraculously" works. The party, angered by their loss of their friend in the tragic reactor incident, will slaughter all their opponents using some new awakened ability.

I think that about sums it up. I can't say I can think of anything else to stop us all from having main characters that look like Michael Jackson, but hey - at least I've done my part. Now all that's left is for someone to execute my plan.