I hate the US Postal Service. They have the worst tracking system of all major shippers, and they're next to impossible to contact if something goes wrong.

Case in point: I ordered Culdcept Saga on the 23rd with a gift card I had lying around. According to the website I ordered from, the order was shipped on the 24th and was delivered on the 28th. Well, the 28th was yesterday, and I sure as hell don't have the thing. They helpfully provided me a US Postal Service Track & Confirm number, so that I could view my shipment details online.

So I look it up, and this is what I see:

Accepted/Picked up, eh? Doesn't sound promising, since it was "accepted" in Springfield, Massachusetts and I live in Montville, Maine. Yeah, not the right state, smartypants.

Anyway, so I'm not quite sure that "Accepted/Picked Up" means what I think it means, so I decide to give Customer Service a call and see if I can find out a little more. First I try their dedicated track and confirm number to see what that has to tell me. Oddly (since I just searched the order on the website and had no trouble finding it) the automated system couldn't bring my tracking number up and informed me I'd have to contact the sender. "BS!" I cried, "FOUL!" I cried... so I tried to get an operator on the line, but the automated system tersely informed me that its information was up to date and speaking with Customer Service was "not an option" at this time. It then promptly disconnected my call.

I am now upset.

So I find the number for "Complaints" intending to use it for just that. I call the number and the same automated service answers and gives me the same options. This time I am smart enough not to ask it for tracking information, but I tell it I need some "general" information instead, hoping that if I am vague enough it will get confused and send me to a live human being. Again the machine outsmarted me. When I was sufficiently vague, it asked me flat out what I wanted. Forced to reply, I told it "complaint" and it informed me, again, not very politely, that Customer Service was not available at this time and that I should call back during regular business hours. It does not tell me when their business hours are. Being a government agency, it's not safe to assume that their business hours are the same as everyone else's either... that would clearly be asking too much. After informing me to call back at some unspecified hour, the machine again disconnected me.

Now I am not just upset, but also angry.

I go to their email customer service page and type out a rather strongly worded query. Is it too much to ask that if they're going to make their tracking information this confusing that it's humanly possible for someone to be around to explain? And if nobody's around to explain just now, I understand, I do, but can you not just tell me when you will be here so I don't have to go through this again in a couple of hours?

I blink at this rather caustic missive a few times, trying to decide if I should just hold off or if I should go ahead and send it. I've worked in Customer Service (several of you know just how much I loved it), I know how it is to have someone screaming at you for no real reason. But I think I'm justified in my upset-ness, and I've listened to enough yelling that I'm reasonably sure it won't kill the person on the other end. Especially an emailed yell. So I send it.

Surprisingly (oh so surprisingly!) I have a response back within moments. It said:

Thank you for contacting us about the label number, 9102015019297016190425, that has not been received.

According to our records, your shipment was accepted/picked up on April 28, 2008. It has not been delivered.USPS

Hrmph. At least I know my shipment is still coming. But would it have killed them to add in a few more sentences to explain wtf "accepted/picked up" means if not delivered? Also, would it be possible to provide me with an estimated delivery date? Seriously, UPS does it on every order. They also show me a step by step package progression. They don't confuse me with misleading terminology and refuse to assist me when I am inevitably and horribly perplexed.

US Postal Service, you officially suck.