Greatings once again, friends and fellow bloggers. I am not entiredly sure what this particular blog is about, other than a comparison of an anime movie, a song, and a quote...and how all three tie into the concept of unfulfilled dreams and broken promises. Perhaps as I type this post up I will have a more clear ideal of my thesis...perhapse not...in either case, I feel that writing out my thoughts will be somewhat cathartic for me. Let's hope so, I effing need it.

Let us start with a animie movie recomended to me by Angus_Mac. The movie is called 5 cm Per Second. It is a bit hard to classify. It has a seinen feel to it. It's a relatively short story about a brief, but close, love between to middle schoolers, a love that while intense, never amounts to anything but shattered dreams and unfullfilled emotion...emotion empty in the end, spent and burnt out in its own nothingness. I think of an emotional black hole, an emotional gravety - unseen because of it's own darkness, but so strong in it's pull, so profound in its force, that it shapes the lives of those attached to it. I think that in some ways, this movie is sad, in other ways it is realist. I will explain more as I type. In this movie, the two main characters are unable and unwilling to put a voice or a name to their own feelings. I use the word unwilling for a specific reason. I think that individuals are enherently empowered, capable of nearly anything socially, emotionally, and physcially possible, yet we are limited by our own thoughts, our own emotions, our own beliefs, and our own experiences. I think that we are capable of exceding our own limits, yet those same limits are very powerful and significan determinates of our own lives. To become more than we are we have to challegne our own boundaries, our own limits (e.g., we have to be willing to see beyond ourselves, beyond our own thoughts and feelings...not an easy task).

Now, if there is a moral to this story, this animie 5cm Per Second, I believe it to be this: our own silence, our own fear, our own limits betray us. And in our own betrayal, we find emptiness. And this concept has brought to mind a couples things: a song, a quote, and a poem I wrote back in high school, jesus, some 25 years ago.

For the song, it is called So Far Away by Stabbing Westward, 2001. Here are the lyrics I think relevent to this concept:

Each night I feel the distance that has grown between us
Open up as lonely as the space between the stars
I wish that I could find a way
To smash my fist right through these walls
Of ugliness and emptiness
And gently touch your face
But every time that I touch you
You feel so far away
And every time that you need me
I feel so far away
As you lie silently beside me choking back your tears
I wonder if you recognize
That silence now defines us
Desperately I try to fight this overwhelming sense
That I may never find
The strength to change
How hopeless we've become
We need to find a way to break this silence
We need to find a way to break this silence that's between us
So I scream your name
But every time that I touch you
You feel so far away
And every time that you need me
I feel so far away
And every time that you reach out
You feel me pull away

For the quote, I really would like to give a proper citation, but I cannot for the life for me recall the originator. A google search did not help either. So please post a citation if you know the source:

"It is of things unspoken of which tradgies are born."

Brutal.

Now, here is a poem I had published in a school news paper back when Regan was president:

I wish my soul to rest, to sleep for an eternity. Never to wake, never to dream, never again to cry.

God forgive me for being such an emo git. I disavow any responsibility to that concept now. I believe in fighting a losing battle. That is why I do the work that I do. It doesn't matter whether I win or lose, the battle must be fought, because the struggle is what is important. But...so many years later...a life time really, on a couple of different levels...I am reminded of my own words, spoken as a child, words I no longer believe.

We are responsible for our own thoughts, our own feelings, our own dreams. And yet, these very same thoughts, feelings, and dreams constrain us, imprison us. And only in overcoming the limits we place on ourselves do we have any possiblity of overcoming the limits others place on us.

I wish that in writing down my stream of thoughts that I can be of some use to somebody, though I know that this may not be the case. But I feel somewhat more at ease having thought these thoughts and reviewed my own emotions. It is my responsibility to face my own dreams, my own short comings, and my own tragedies...even, and especially, those of my own creation. Inaction breads contempt, and contempt breads inaction. Becareful, my friends, of the traps you lay for yourselves. I wish you some happiness this day, free of burden.