So, there's this 'slow' kid in my 3D animation period. He's always spitting mucus into his hands, wiping snot away with his palms and doing a bunch of other disgusting stuff. This kid also likes shaking hands. Know where this is going yet? Possibly. Keep going.

So, today, he came up to me. He stood in front of my computer, and stared down at me--in full silence--for an entire minute. It was kind of creepy. I looked up at him with a huge "WTF?" look on my face. That's when he extended his right hand. The hand he did most of his wiping with. The hand I saw go in and out and in and out and in again into his pants rhythmically under the desk one day. The hand he spits balls of mucus into every two minutes.

"Oh God," I thought. "He wants me to shake his hand."

Thoughts popped into my head. "Go ahead, shake it. You could always use hand sanitizer after." Another voice came into my head. "Touch that hand and you're never coming near me again!" This voice came "below the border", South, my Lil' StaindShadow, if you know what I mean. "You're right!" I thought. So, I eliminated this idea, because I'd still have touched his hand. I would never look at my right hand again without thinking "I want to cut you off." Besides, I didn't have any hand sanitizer. If I did, I wouldn't have had enough. Yes, his hands are that gross.

Another idea took it's place. "You could pretend you don't see his hand!" No, no. That's no good. He saw me look at his hand. (I'm sure he also saw the look of terror that had swept across my face the instant I saw his sweaty palm appear inches from my face.) This idea, too, was discarded.

Time had slowed to a crawl. I had an idea.

"No, it'd never work," I thought. "Then again..." My idea had been set into motion.

This whole time, my arms were at my sides. I wiggled my wrists, making the little-bit-too-big jacket's arms slide over my hands. Then, I raised my arms to face level. It looked like I had no hands. "Sorry, dude. I don't have any hands," I said to him.

"Oh. Okay," he said, his hand still outreached.

"Okay," I said. He withdrew his hand. "I would, but...no hands."

"See you tomorrow," he said.

"You too," I replied.

So, I convinced a slow kid I had no hands to avoid shaking his hands. If you knew this kid--trust me, you would have known my dread when I eyed his surely diseased ridden hands.

END PART 1.

PART 2

Well, there was one day he came to school with one purple glove on his left hand, and a black on his left. I heard the kid next to him ask why he was wearing two different gloves. His reply? "They're my penis favorite gloves."

...

Pretty much every day this kid will have conversations with himself. BOTH sides of the conversation. Oh, and they're usually the same conversations. I can't exactly understand all of them...something about "little buddies" and skittles.

His computer is in front and to the left one of mine. So, I can easily see whatever he's doing on it. I'll see him make penis like objects. I do not know if this is intentional or not.

He's CONSTANTLY--and this is no exaggeration--clearing his throat. He must have some kind of mucus problem. Every minute you hear "UCCK! ACCK! UUUUUH! UUUUUUUUUUH!" etc, etc. And he does it loudly.

He goes wherever he wants, when he wants. "I'M GOING TO THE BATHROOM!" he'll yell, and leave the room before he gets a yes or no. "I'M GOING TO GET A DRINK!" Same deal as before.

He sits against a wall. He bangs his head against this wall...a lot.

He masturbates in his little shorts.

He once humped a chair. In the middle of ****

One time, he laughed like a poor man's Peter Griffin for several minutes straight.

He'll shout out random noises.

He'll bang his hands against the wall while making said random noises.

Just today, he put his hands above his head--like he was on a rollercoaster--and started swinging them wildly. He ended up ***** smacking the kid next to him. Many lulz were had.

He'll stare at random people for different amounts of time. It's short, if you're lucky. Because, let me tell you, this kid has some crazy, beady little eyes. Once, he turned around and stared at me the ENTIRE PERIOD! Oh, but that's not the worst part. The worst part was when he said "...I love you." OMGHOLYCRAPWTFMOMMY!!!

I'm sure more tales will come. Stay tuned!