Kurt Vonnegut is one of the greatest writers of our time.  He died today at the age of 84.  If you've never read any of his books, I suggest you do.  He will be missed. :cry:

R.I.P.

Ivyland, Pennsylvania  Earlier today two co-workers had an argument. Computer programmer Derek Dickweed became outraged when he read fellow programmer Dirt McGirt's review of the XBox 360 game, Crackdown, in which he berated the game and gave it only a 6.5 out of a possible 10 points. Dickweed then spitefully proceeded to talk trash on McGirt's favorite games, even though he secretly agreed that they were awesome. McGirt has no regrets.

Seattle, Washington  After botching a surgery, it was revealed that a homeless man has been impersonating a Seattle doctor. James Smith (aka "Box Car Jimmy", aka "Dr. Fellatio Stinkfist") entered the emergency ward of the South Seattle Hospital, stole a stethoscope and jacket from a supply closet, and unsuccesfully perfomed a transplant surgery on 34 year old Tom McGregg. It was not discovered the Dr. Stinkfist was a fraud until after the surgery. Until he recieves corrective surgery, Mr. McGregg will have a leg for an arm and an arm for a leg.

Sports: The local sports team has won the big contest against the away team.

Weather: There is a 50% chance of rain, snow, or sunshine today. Tomorrow should be the same.

Traffic: Roadways are expected to become congested sometime around 8am this morning, and then once again around 5pm tonight.

Earlier this morning Pepe, a 120 lb. kangaroo, escaped from the Philadelphia Zoo. After a two hour chase through the streets of Philadelphia, Pepe entered the Lil' Pooper Daycare on West 24th Street, where he is currently involved in a standoff with zookeepers. Pepe is holding two adults and sixteen children hostage until his demands are met. Pepe's demands include a larger playpen, exotic fruits, and a 401k plan.