Dude, I walked into the restroom and the guy before me? yeah he totally streaked the bowl. You could almost imagine those greasy turds just spiraling leaving tracks of nasty. It looked like the inside of a mixing bowl after you scrapped out all the brownies.
Also, the smell? Good lord. I walked in and it was humid in there. It f'ing hit me in the face and I could feel the smell in my throat. I tried to hold my breath but it **** forced it's way in, y'know? Like when you walk past some stink ass person on the street and then like five seconds later you get nailed with nasty.
Then when I reached into the bowl with my bare hands to dig out the lumps of fatty poo that were clogging up the bowl I could feel it like oozing under my fingernails. The bits of toilet paper didn't make things any easier either. Because they just disintegrated into little gooey bits that made this sickening mesh into the ****s.
It reminded me of this time when I was digging through wet sand on a beach, except that the beach smelled like some dude ate a bunch of long dead, putrid squirrels.
Then dumped out the squirrels after a long plane trip or something. Like, he'd totally been sitting on this plane not going, maybe asleep, just letting this mix of dead squirrels and orange juice or complimentary peanuts fester in his rectum.
Then he must of hauled booty to this Starbucks because this mix started to sour in his f'in rectum. Like all these ****-making components were fighting it out to see who could make the most stank piles of unholy goo.
I'm pretty sure his anus was sputtering and bubbling this mess out as he walked through the place. Starting to trickle down his thighs and dry on the fabric of his socks. Just like crusting there waiting for him to scratch his ankle.
Then when he finally got to sit on the toilet it just came rushing out like a bunch of hyped up college senior linebackers through the tunnel on homecoming weekend. That crap just f'ing exploded out.
The force must have pushed most of he water of the toilet bowl because there was a mix of water and loose poo dripping down the sides of the bowl forming little puddles of sick on the sides.
The only thing I had to clean up the mess with was the sleeve of my sweater and that didn't help much because there was just so much piled up. It began to mix with the dust old hair on the floor too. So my sweater is pretty much ruined from the elbows down.
So basically, you owe me a new sweater.
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