Dear Lord,

Please let the Democratic primary end! At this point, I don't care whether it is the girl or the boy. I just want to stop suffering. I want to see an end to the mudslinging among two candidates who are virtually identical (policy-wise). I don't want to see more ads that would make Karl Rove blush. I beg you, Lord, to pacify these viper tongues, or at least point them at John McCain. My blood pressure has been rising and I can barely sleep any more.

I know, Lord, that I haven't been the best Christian, but if you see fit to ending this campaign of terror, I promise I will start to attend church more regularly than just Christmas and Easter. And maybe send us Jesus again so he can run in 2012 on a 3rd party ticket?

Of course, we'll have to play down that he's Jewish. That might scare off some voters. And they'd probably crucify him (not literally this time) for being of Middle Eastern descent. Oh well, maybe we can find someone without so much baggage.