Folks, this is the seventh event of the Slime Knights Olympics! It's time for -- "Charmed For You!"
We here at Slime Knights Olympics greatly admire the physical prowess of athletes! However, a true master of events also knows how to use charm and persuasion and *style* to make their way to the gold! Am I right, Morrie?
"La destra sul bersaglio, l'amico! Let me tell-a you something abouta myself! I am Morrie Mozzarella, Master of the Monstrous a pit! Whena I place my first brick anda mortar for the monster arena, all my friends, they said to me, 'Morrie Mozzarella! Why-a you make a monsterous pit whena everyone ina the whole world isa trying to escape froma the monsters?'"
"I tolda him, 'I'ma going to make this the il più grand'avvenimento del mondo! It will have-a drinks, beautiful women -- molto bella! -- And most of all, I do it witha *gusto*!' And witha that most charismatic dichiarazione, the King of Ascantha -- he agreed to finance the monstrous pit for a very low payback rate! Without charisma -- without *GUSTO*, the athlete, he is 'non niente'!"
Splendid declaration, Morrie! We're all becoming quite big fans of yours! So anyway folks, the great maestro of charisma has spoken! Let's all take his words to heart!
You're all holding your charm tickets! Don't give them to the first silver tongue you hear -- oh who am I kidding? Will the contestants come on down!
And they're off! Let's first focus on King Trode -- a fan favorite!
"Greetings, my people! I am King Trode, but you may call me 'his Royal Majesty of Trodain'! As you all know, I am a King! I am the only member of true royalty here! Well, OK, Jessica is an aristocrat of sorts, and the Hero is a Prince of Argonia, half Dragovian, my son-in-law, and heir apparent of Trodain, but I am the King! THE KING, I tell you! What? WHAT? Don't boo me! Marcello! Why are *you* here?!
"Come on, people! We don't need royalty! Royalty is born into their position and they're all weak and confused! The PEOPLE need to lead! No more kings! No more lord high priests! You need a strong man to lead!"
"Oh, do shut up, you ex-abbot buffoon! I thought that the first time you uttered that ridiculous poppycock that you were under the influence of Rhapthorne, but it appears to be all your design, indeed!"
"OK, so who here wants to give me, the King of Trodain, a charm ticket? YOU! You're a subject of Trodain! As your King, I *ORDER* you to give me that charm ticket! Give it to me now and you don't have to pay taxes for one year! There, see how easy that was? Thank you, my loyal subject!"
And King Trode has managed to score ONE ticket, folks, let's give him a round of applause!
OK, now let's see what Yangus is up to!
"COR BLIMEY, you geezers had better be giving me some tickets, or I'll go back to Pickham for a life of crime, I will! Oh fine, I wont do that ... but if you don't give me tickets, I will raise prices at the Important Exporter, and nobody wants to pay extra for sabercat children's toys, do they? Oh heck, you kids over there holding your parents tickets while they're at the refreshment stand, I'll trade you two sabercat toys for those tickets! That's it! Thanks, kids!"
Yangus, always the clever, ingenius businessman. Speaking of which, how is Red, his partner doing?
"And so then, I went into the sea cave underneath the bridge near Alexandria, and I bravely fought off monster after monster, and then I duelled Captain Crow, and after a few klangs of the sword, I ran the zombie captain through with my dagger!"
How about that, folks? She's captivating them with adventure stories! Oh, here comes Yangus!
"No you didn't, Red, that's all bloody wrong! Me and the guv'ner and Jessica and pretty boy Angelo left the old geezer and the horse princess in our boat, we opened the water trap, then after Captain Crow knocked your pretty face out, we all beat up Captain Crow until he gave up and we got 'is treasure!"
Red's face is turning -- well, red! with rage!
"YANGUS YOU STUPID IDIOT! I was going to share the medal with you! Why the bloody hell -- oh you've got me swearing now! -- did you have to come and ruin my story?!"
"Ruin it, nothing! I'm telling the truth, just like I promised the guv'ner I would when he saved me life!"
"We'll talk about this on the way home, Yangus. In the meantime, why don't you just go off and sulk somewhere and reflect on what I just told you!"
Trouble in paradise? Hopefully it's temporary! Let's move onto the Hero.
What is going on here? The hero is just standing on the sidelines in his Dragovian armor, smiling! He's not even saying a word! Folks, I heard he was a shy guy, but this just takes the cake, doesn't it? Most people don't even know he's here, but the few that do, are seeking him out, giving him their charm tickets!
Next, we have Angelo! The young female demographic is GETTING IN LINE, giving him their charm tickets in exchange for a short kiss! Some guys get all the luck!
But folks, as we all know, more young men go to athletic events than young women, so the line to see Jessica doing hustle dances and pink typhoons is forming a perimeter around the entire 'Charmed for You' arena! Nobody can resist Jessica's beauty!
OK folks, the hour is up, and here is the final tally!
King Trode: 3 tickets
Yangus: 3 tickets
Red: 8 tickets
The Hero: 14 tickets
Angelo: 23 tickets
Jessica: 55 tickets
The Hero wins the bronze medal, Angelo wins the silver medal, and Jessica wins the Gold medal! Let's give a big round of applause for our winners -- what a great day for "Charmed For You!"